[amicon]

That's a great idea and I wish you the best of luck with your project.

[Newguy2009]

Today was the first day that I woke up and she wasn't the absolute first thing on my mind. Its probably cause I was sore from playing WallyBall for 2 hours last night but I'm making progress!!

[talaniman]

That's progress, more WallyBall!!

[amicon]

You've turned the page.
Congratulations!

[bswc]

Good start! Step by Step.

[Newguy2009]

Hope everyone had a great Christmas! I actually went home to California and Vegas to see my family. It was rough and all, this being the first christmas without her in 3 years but I was nice to see family, I have none on this side of the US.

Today marks 21 days NC. Tomorrows a new year! Lets make it count!

[Devorameira]

You're doing great and doing the right thing. Keep up the good work!

[amicon]

Well done-keep up the good work and here's to a Happy New Year!

[Newguy2009]

Update... Or rather a setback :mad::(

I was doing well with the no contact thing but I recently had a slip up and it was kind of embarrassing. I started thinking to myself that I wanted to start talking to my old friends (the ones that I neglected because I was in a relationship and "didnt have time" to call them). Well I lost my phone a few months ago so I lost all of my phone numbers. I was trying to call a couple of buddies in Texas by looking at my old phone bills. I found one and we talked for a while and I gave him my new number. I was trying to find my best friends number and called about 5 different numbers until I came across one that looked like a Texas area code. I called it and guess who answered?? I was like "Uh.....Uh....I feel like a dumba$$ Im sorry I didnt mean to call you I was trying not to for a few months". It was her parents house and yep, she answered.:rolleyes:


We talked for about 2 1/2 hours. Not about the relationship but rather what we had each been up to. It was nice to catch up but when we hung up I knew I had to start over ONCE AGAIN!! She did tell me that who knows what the future may bring about and somewhere down the line we could make it work but she said we need to concentrate on being friends for the time being. I agreed. She emails me the next day saying:

"i know i probably shouldn't be emailing you, but i thought you'd be able to appreciate this...

yesterday, i ran an entire mile. without stopping one time!" Blah blah blah

I don't want to lose her as a friend and at first I was holding on to the false hope but now I have just about moved on it just sucks that this really set me back and the fact that it was unintentional. Why do I still have these feelings for her??

[amicon]

Go back to NC and see it as a bump in the road.
What's setting you back is that you had a long conversation with her,rather than explaining your mistake,politely,then ending the call.

It will pass,give it a day or so.

[Newguy2009]

It was a mistake on my part not ending the call. It was just nice to hear her voice. I truly believe we can be friends in the future. The love has faded for the most part but there's still something there, at least with me. I wish it wasn't that way and I could feel no remorse but I do.

This happened 10 days ago and Im just sad again today. Thanks for listening

[amicon]

Then get superbusy so you can minimize thinking about being sad.
Physical activity,friends etc-take your mind off her.

Maybe you can be friends at some point,but not now.

Right now its about you finally getting over her.

[Newguy2009]

Well hello everyone! (if you are still following this thread) I just wanted to say thank you all for your advice and words of encouragement. It has been a month now since I have had any contact with the ex and I must say it feels exhilarating! I found out from a mutual friend that she was asking about me on Facebook the other day and how I was doing and yadi yadi ya… He told her I was doing AMAZING (which I am)… 2 months ago I would have broke down and been devastated and tried to contact her but at this particular time, it doesn’t even phase me. I actually felt a sense of relief. Why does she care about me? She’s obviously wondering what I'm up to and you know what, she will NEVER know thanks to NC! I honestly don’t care what or who she is doing. I hope she’s OK but I don’t have that urge to know what’s going on in HER life. I have been keeping busy with working on school and I even got my computer certification yesterday. YAY!!

As I look back (and its funny because so many people don’t see it at first because of all the emotions) but some things just aren’t meant to be. I’ve learned so much from this relationship and now I know what to do, and what not to do with future relationships. I have started dating again and have met quite a few girls. None of them keepers yet but I can see that there are Soooooo many out there.

Time heals and I am living proof of that. In the beginning I did not see this but for those of you that are going through similar situations, keep your head up and just know that things do get better.

Peace!

[Devorameira]

I'm so glad to hear that you've come through all this with flying colors. There's plenty of good women out there to date... and one of them may end up being "Ms. Perfect". Good luck!

[amicon]

Congrats!
Good old NC works wonders!
All the best for the present,and the future!

[RobinBoston]

Newguy - your post today was very inspiring. Thank you for it.

I am going through a similar situation (have my own thread), and I love to see other guys who have healed and realize now that it was for the better, even though it feels like death in the beginning. I am starting to see my breakup was maybe for the better, but still in the limbo period. Hoping time and NC will continue to heal all.

Good luck out there and congrats on your improvement!

[Newguy2009]

Trust me Robin, time does heal. I have read your thread and can relate to you very much and know, maybe not exactly, but I know what you are going through.

Im glad I could inspire someone! Its like in the beginning you don't want to take things at face value becase you don't WANT to believe its true, but one day you wake up and, snap! You realize that sometimes things are for the better. Im there now...

[RobinBoston]

Glad to see you have made it there! Btw I am curious how old you are if you don't mind.

I am somewhere in between the denial stage and where you are. The NC has definitely been helping. This week was a slight setback because my ex has been trying to contact me numerous times after I completely ignored her birthday. She realizes she will no longer have her cake and eat it too. That feels good.

I know it is just B.S. and I have not given in and kept no contact (though I have been thinking about her more).

But I got back to the healing process, I will keep my head up and know in my mind that even if it doesn't feel like it right now in my heart, things will get better with time. You are living proof - haha!

[Newguy2009]

Glad to see you have made it there!! Btw I am curious how old you are if you don't mind.

I will be turning 27 in April and she turns 25 next month. Her Birthday is in just 2 weeks and at first I was going to send her a text or email wishing her a great day but I will refrain. Why should I? She left ME! She's the one that told ME that it was over.

This week was a slight setback because my ex has been trying to contact me numerous times after I completely ignored her bday. She realizes she will no longer have her cake and eat it too. That feels good.

Change your number or have her blocked. Trust me you will be better off. Somebody that does something like this to you doesn't deserve to have you in their life. You were willing to work things out and she ran for the hills when things got rough. Same situation with me. I wanted to make things work but I couldn't change her and she didn't want to change.

You are going to have your setbacks. I had one a month ago and felt so horrible like it was even worse than when she actually told me she was leaving. You are on the roler coaster my friend. Its natural to feel the way you do. One day you are on top and the next day you are going downhill at an incredible amount of speed with no brakes! Eventually the ride comes to an end and guess what, you get off and go ride another one, a bigger and better one!

[Newguy2009]

I had a dream last night (or rather a nightmare) that she came back and we were going to work things out. A very vivid dream. She appeared to have changed and really wanted to work things out. I told her that I was unsure but that since she drove 5 hours she could at least stay a while. She was not her usual lazy self. She was cooking and cleaning and really wanted to make things up to me. I couldn't believe it. Just before we sat down to dinner, she started yelling at me saying that she was doing all the cooking and cleaning and that I was doing nothing. We argued and argued until I finally couldn't take it anymore. I woke up in tears.

Sorry for being weak but that kind of set me back a little bit and I wanted to vent while it was still fresh in my mind. I know I probably should have just tried to forget about it and put it in the back of my mind but It still hurts. I will not let this ruin my day!

I guess this happened because I almost called her last night. I dialed the number on my cell and just looked at it for a few minutes. Decided it wasn't worth the time and energy and I chose the red button over the green one. Whew! Just when you think you are over someone, this happens. Anyone else gone through the same thing? I had dreams about her after we first broke up but nothing this emotional. I sound like a wuss I know but I can't control my dreams.

I guess maybe the dream was trying to tell me something because it ended in a fight and that just reasures me that it will never work. Like another sign maybe?