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I wish · Nov 16, 2009, 12:47 PM

You can:

1) Keep trying (i.e. telling her how you feel and hopefully she feels the same way). This route is definitely not recommended, because you will risk pushing her even farther away;

2) Focus on healing. No contact is a helpful tool, because it helps prevent you from building false hope and over-analyzing all the details;

3) Stay friends in hopes of something more.

Warning
You've choosen, 3) the "limbo" route. You're not trying to win her back, you're just putting your life on hold by sticking around and hoping that she will come around. This will:

a) prolong your pain and suffering
b) set yourself up for a huge disappointment
c) prevent you from fully healing

I vote for option 2)

*Once you've fully recovered, you will be in a better position (calmer, emotional dust setled, more objective) to re-visit your situation

godspeed · Nov 16, 2009, 12:56 PM

This will take some time. It's been a year and I'm still not over her. It's going to be a long lonely walk from where I am now.

I wish · Nov 16, 2009, 01:00 PM

Your recovery process only begins from the day that you stop talking to her. So if you talked to her last week, then so far, your recovery period is 1 week and not 1 year.

Follow the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

Avoid the urge of breaking the rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

godspeed · Nov 16, 2009, 01:05 PM

I've tried Option 1. The outcome was like how you said, it pushed her farther away. I regret sending the numerous messages, calls and email spams to get her attention back, right after we broke up. It would have been better if I eased back that time. Emotions got the better of me.

Option 2 sounds good. False hope and over-analyzing is bad. I spent 6 months doing that. I learnt it the hard way. Even now I catch myself doing it at times.

Option 3 doesn't sound appealing, from the way you put it. I feel recovered now, much better than before but I guess I better give it some time before I re-visit.

Thanks for the heads up I WISH. You really have a way of opening up minds of the broken hearted. :)

godspeed · Nov 16, 2009, 01:19 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

Your recovery process only begins from the day that you stop talking to her. So if you talked to her last week, then so far, your recovery period is 1 week and not 1 year.

Follow the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

Avoid the urge of breaking the rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

In that case, my recovery period crashed from a period of 3 months to 4 days, 4 days ago I sent her an apology message, saying that I'm OK with what happened and perhaps there's a reason for things to happen. I even added her back on Facebook, in attempt to be just a friend.

Cool NC tips there. I will work on following it. :)

vanheart · Nov 16, 2009, 06:40 PM

Good, you should. No more wavering.
Its really the only way to get over this.

Work on yourself.

Good luck.

godspeed · Nov 17, 2009, 01:09 AM

Okay. Shall post my progress reports here then. What does not kill us makes us stronger. Thanks for the great help guys. I'm clear on what to do, at least for now.

amicon · Nov 17, 2009, 01:15 AM

Good luck and stay strong.

godspeed · Nov 17, 2009, 04:10 AM

It really sucks when you're so close yet so far. Why couldn't I be the one there for her like how it used to be? Why love has to be this complicated and hurting?

godspeed · Nov 17, 2009, 04:18 AM

It's like I can see her status updates which is all happy and nice, and pretend it doesn't sting inside, showing a happy face when I talk to her. And it's like she's talking to an unwanted person. I guess I should just move away, I'm just a piece of unwanted junk anyway that's why I was thrown away.

amicon · Nov 17, 2009, 05:32 AM

Delete her from all social networking sites-that's part of the nc-or you'll stop yourself from moving on as the temptation to check her out will be there as long as you don't remove her. Don't think of yourself as a piece of junk,you're someone who loved and it didn't work out. You're not alone in that,most of us here have been where you are now and I can promise you it gets better and one day you'll be completely over it.

godspeed · Nov 17, 2009, 09:21 AM

Temptations to check her out was still there even after I deleted her. I used to go through another profile to check her profile out. Just that now, since access is easy (coz I added her back), I don't do it everyday.

amicon · Nov 17, 2009, 09:48 AM

The thing is every time you check you stop your own progress. Nc's a detox where you go cold turkey.

godspeed · Nov 18, 2009, 04:25 AM

I actually feel better after all this discussions. I wonder why I didn't discover this place earlier. Bet it would be nice if all of us can meet and chill out some place if it wasn't for the distance guys. :)

Cold-turkey it is amicon..

amicon · Nov 18, 2009, 04:46 AM

Ha ha we could all chill in cyberspace on Xmas Day with our cold turkeys! Good to know you're better.

vanheart · Nov 18, 2009, 08:38 PM

Nice one.
We will be chilling.
And won't have to worry about who's cooking...

Glad you decided godspeed. Make your member name a reality.

Felt the same way, if it wasn't for the incredible posts here, not sure where I would be.

summer7 · Nov 22, 2009, 10:04 AM

Originally Posted by godspeed

It really sucks when you're so close yet so far. Why couldn't I be the one there for her like how it used to be? Why love has to be this complicated and hurting?

I agree... It's funny my dad would always say that people who like to be in love are a bunch of masochists. I thought this was quite lame of him. I am finding out how true it is. There are times it can be painful and we go in for more. L:)L

Oh, and I'm very happy for you moving on.. I'll bring homemade chocolate chip cookies to our Cyber Celebration.

Devorameira · Nov 22, 2009, 12:39 PM

From your post, you sound like a real sweetheart. I'm sure there's a lady out there for you that will love you and not have "crushes" always getting in the way.

You've already been hurt and heart-broken. The choice is yours, but I'd hate to hear that you have to go through all the pain again.

Be strong!

godspeed · Nov 25, 2009, 10:41 PM

Thanks for the compliments guys.. *shy shy* ;)

Looking forward to the Cyber Celebrations summer7.. =)

godspeed · Nov 26, 2009, 03:42 PM

If I were to explain my heart's contents to her, for all the actions I did that might have made her hate me, things would be in a different perspective.. but I really don't know what a girl's mind would think esp when she's with another person(maybe).. it hurts.. but I've got to show her I'm strong..