[mkshult]

jmjoseph, I appreciate the honest advice. Although it be harsh to hear it more than likely is the truth. I am probably having a hard time dealing with mayeb because I am still in denial thinking that after some time maybe it can be salvaged.

It was only the one girl that I slept with, there were no others! Doesn't make the situation any better.

And YES I HAVE CHANGED!! After losing the one person closest to your heart completely it makes you grow up and snap back into reality at lightning speed. It will never happen again. I was faithful for our first 3 years together, but in the last 6 months of our relationship I don't know what happened to me. Maybe I was getting scared that this was it, this was going to be the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with. There for I wanted to "have my cake, and eat it too".

To answer your question if she had done this to me, I would be pissed!! Probably wouldn't want to talk or see her for the longest time, but I would still want her to try and make some sort of effort to show me she still cares. Many relationships can survive infidelity, in fact some couples come out even stronger afterwards. But both parties have to be willing to try, if one does not then nothing can move forward. And that's the situation I am stuck in.

[DerelictHerds]

Many relationships can survive infidelity, in fact some couples come out even stronger afterwards. But both parties have to be willing to try, if one does not then nothing can move forward.

Exactly. Take a hint.

And thats the situation I am stuck in.

The real situation you're stuck in involves no one else but you.

[mkshult]

I guess I am trying to find advice on how to get her back, or if she will ever start talking to me again.

[Young_Cardinal]

Hang in there mkshult
I'm starting to feel better a little, even though I just had a dream about my ex (to no surprise it was a nightmare)
Maybe have a plan for the week and go out on the weekends!

[Cat1864]

I guess I am trying to find advice on how to get her back, or if she will ever start talking to me again.

The problem is that from what you have written she doesn't want to gotten back. I know it hurts.

Will she ever talk to again? Only time will tell. If she does, I don't think it will be because of anything you say. It will probably be because of your actions like respecting her wishes to be left alone and not trying to get in touch with her.

It may be hard to understand, but when you try to contact her, you are bringing her hurt to the surface again reopening her wounds. You aren't giving her time to deal with the anger, hurt, pain, and betrayal plus you are adding frustration to the mix.

You need to live your own life for right now. Don't think about her coming back. Let her go and heal in her own way.

[Gemini54]

Gemini54, I completly understand why her friends and family are trying to protect her. That I can understand, but at the same time they should allow her to make her own decisons. It really made me angry when her mother called me and not herself. It almost seems like she is just going to mommy and daddy to cry and wants other people to take care of the problem for her. It may sound bad but why can't she "man" up and face reality instead of trying to hide behind it. Maybe in this case ignorance is bliss....i guess. It just seems like me and her both have so much unsaid words to one another.

I may have forgot to mention that when I e-mailed the ex and checked to see if she read it or it or not. And her sister responded with "I saw this coming, it won’t be the last one, don’t reply, you have done so good". Then the ex wrote her sister back saying "Yeah, im not ready to talk to him anytime soon either"....what is that supposed to mean? Also she followed that by saying "if her wants to live his life in regret let him".

It almost seems as if she may want to talk to me again, but is afraid to based on what others may think of her. To be honest I am trying NC in hopes that after some time she may get curios and possibly call to see how I am doing after some time passes. Like I mentioned before, my ex and I seem like we have a lot of unspoken words towards one another, that almost demands that we need to talk again. I am still confused.

Who cares why she can't do blah blah blah. You want to talk, she doesn't. End of story.

You blew it by acting like an idiot. Start by looking at your own actions and motivations - there is little point in trying to analyze hers.

Be a man and man up to the stupid decisions you made - otherwise, she's right, you will live your life in regret.

[mkshult]

Gemini, your words are harsh!! But at the same time they are most likely to be true, I guess its just hard to accept that things are over between me and her. That is what hurts the most, and fear of the unknown.

Cat, you are right as well... ever time I have tried to contact her it seems that she just gets more frustrated and your right it probably reopens her wounds... hence why I got that phone call from her mother telling me to stop contacting her.

It has been 2.5 weeks since I have contacted at all, I haven't text, emailed, called, anything. I guess I realized that for the time being(only God knows how long it will be) she needs to be left alone to heal.

[mkshult]

Young_, I am right there with you buddy, lately I have been having dreams about my ex now too. When we first broke up a couple months ago, they didn't happen, but as soon as I went NC the dreams started coming in the last 2 weeks. Weird how when you try to shut something out, your subconscious won't allow them to leave.

[Gemini54]

Gemini, your words are harsh!!! But at the same time they are most likely to be true, i guess its just hard to accept that things are over between me and her. That is what hurts the most, and fear of the unknown.

Cat, you are right as well...ever time i have tried to contact her it seems that she just gets more frustrated and your right it probably reopens her wounds...hence why I got that phone call from her mother telling me to stop contacting her.

It has been 2.5 weeks since I have contacted at all, I havent text, emailed, called, anything. I guess I realized that for the time being(only God knows how long it will be) she needs to be left alone to heal.

Sorrrryy! Good on you for realizing that you have to back off. It's the only way that you can BOTH heal and that you can get relationships in general back into perspective. Be prepared to not ever hear from her again.

[mkshult]

I guess I still haven't prepared myself for the fact that she may never contact me. I am still being optimistic about it, which will probably just end up hurting me in the long run.

Right now she is in her senior year of college and is probably extremely busy with school, friends, her sorority, and living with her roommate. So she hasn't really had any down time to think about things possibly. So maybe when she comes home for the holidays it might hit her a little more. Because she won't have to worry about school, she'll have more time to herself to think, plus when she comes home she knows I'll only be a 20 min drive away (right now she is 4 hours away at school). Also the holidays were always special for me and her, especially since I was in the military, and we still always managed to have our own little x-mas, and during my time in the military we were always able to spend new years eve together. Along with that her birthday is in the early part of January while she will be home on break.

More than likely she is probably going to expect to get some sort of contact from me during the holiday season and her b-day whether she wants it or not. And I know that I will NOT CONTACT her during that time. So even she doesn't want to hear from me and I don't contact her it might give her a "huh?" moment, as to why I didn't contact her. Like I stated earlier I think that is when it might hit her real hard, is around the holidays.

Sorry if I rambled on this last post, but this forum is a good way to express what I'm feeling, and to get everything out.

[mkshult]

So today something happened and just when I am feeling better my ex finds a way to push me down even further! I know that you all know that she kicked me off facebook(meaning no longer friends) and well yesterday she posted something on my friends status that I posted as well. Well today I go back on and her comment is gone. I thought she might of deleted it, but NO SHE BLOCKED ME!! Which I guess really isn't a surprise because she may not have realized that I can still "see her" even though we are not friends but nope now she blocked me!! Ugh!! Just when I think it can't get any worse!!

[Young_Cardinal]

Man screw this girl shult!
Trust me bro I feel your pain, but these girls are haters lol
I still feel like s*** but I've been trying to talk to as many beautiful women as I can, even if I fail! LOL

[Cat1864]

This isn't about her. This about you.

So she unfriended you on Facebook. It was another sign that she does not want contact with you.

Now, she has taken the next step and blocked you. I think she is being as clear as she can that she doesn't want any type of contact with you. Why should it even matter that you were blocked unless you were using it to 'keep tabs' on what she is doing now?

You need to go full No Contact. Which includes not looking at Facebook pages she is associated with as well as the more traditional phone calls, etc.

Let her go. Live your own life and don't worry about what she is or isn't doing. Let yourself heal. Work on those changes that you say you have gone through so that you can be stronger in your next relationship and won't make the same mistakes again.

[mkshult]

Cat I understand what you are saying, and it makes sense. I guess after I cooled down I realized that it was better that she blocked me so neither of can see either now. Which will help out more later down the road in the healing process.

[mkshult]

I forgot to mention that something even more RANDOM happened last night. So I got a text last night saying "you are the hardest person in the world to stay mad at". I didn't recognize the number but it was the girl I cheated with (we'll call her Angela)!! Me, Sara(the ex)and Angela were all best friends in high school and there after. Until well... when me and angela had sex and I cheated on Sara. And that happened 11 months ago!! Since then me and Angela never really spoke because she has said in the past that "everytime i come into her life I mess things up, and she never really wanted to talk to me" basically the same thing my ex said when she found out I cheated. So I asked Angela if everything was OK, and she responded with "was just looking through some old photos and thought about you"... "you are a good friend and always have been and that's why I can't stay mad".

I thought it was kind of ironic in a way... It took this girl that as a friend I treated her real bad in the past.. basically used her for sex and well subseqently to cheat on Sara. It gave me a little glimmer of hope that at some point Sara might have the same thoughts and may try to reach out to me again just as Angela did.

What do you all think?

[Cat1864]

Don't give yourself false hope. Think of it this way, Angela took nearly a year to stop being mad and you didn't put her through half of what you did Sara. IF Sara ever stops being mad, that still won't mean that she has forgiven you or forgotten what you put her through or that she will ever want to be friends with you again.

I really do hope that someday after you have let Sara go that you find someone to begin a new relationship with.

[talaniman]

I think you get over Sara, whether you want to, or not, and get something better going in your life.

[mkshult]

I guess I'm starting have a new outlook on things, I have started to go out now and I'm having a good time and meeting some awesome people including girls!! So who knows where things will be with me in the next few months but I know things can only get better from here:)

[Cat1864]

I am glad you are finding a better outlook on life. Good luck. :)

[amicon]

That's good to hear-take good care of yourself.