[Cat1864]

I just wonder, how I lost my interest in him so completely. Am I too cold?

You are anything but cold. From your writings here, I would say that you are an extremely out-going warm-hearted person.

I think one reason why it seems like you are getting over him faster than you may feel like you should is that you have support of friends and family keeping you from letting yourself wallow in remorse, pity, or confusion.

Another reason is that you have woken up from an unrealistic dream of what a romantic relationship should be. You can now see what you thought were caring gestures were actually attempts at controlling your thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. Finding yourself again can be a big help in 'getting over' the person who tried to change you.

Welcome back to reality. :)

[confusedrebecca]

You are anything but cold. From your writings here, I would say that you are an extremely out-going warm-hearted person.

I think one reason why it seems like you are getting over him faster than you may feel like you should is that you have support of friends and family keeping you from letting yourself wallow in remorse, pity, or confusion.

Another reason is that you have woken up from an unrealistic dream of what a romantic relationship should be. You can now see what you thought were caring gestures were actually attempts at controlling your thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. Finding yourself again can be a big help in 'getting over' the person who tried to change you.

Welcome back to reality. :)

Cat2070939,
You are right about the whole thing again. Thanks for your insight. I really think I am over him at this point. I did not expect I could over the future husband to be so quickly.
I am glad I do not have any confusion anymore. I have clean head and refreshed heart.

Last night, I was so scared though, because I wonder if I became a man hater or cold woman. That was the last one I want to be. I want to be the same person before I met my ex, who is very sweet and passionate for anything around my life. Thanks for assuring me as a good woman. I feel greatly relived. :)

It is a big wake up call for me to realize how much I was deceived by the illusion of love with the wrong man. I could end up living in a totally wrong path for my entire life. I am so glad I found out the 'real color' of him before it is too late.

I just want to make sure to myself, (ha ha since I was scared) I have been believed as a woman who has endless sweet love for my partner in any age. I know I still have the good heart and un-tarnished passion for 'the right man'. One day, I will meet the right person somehow magically, and make him honored, loved and perfectly happy. Ha Ha (I guess I have to be extremely careful to choose a date or figure out the real color of the person though. )

Right now, I am only focusing on processing my healing whatever it takes, and will have fun as much as possible as a single. I have good family, friends, AMHD (best part), good job, pretty apartment (!), and so many fun plans in my hands. I cannot be happier. My calendar is already filled with many exciting plans until the end of the year. By the way, I got the call from the hospital for the volunteer opportunity. I wish I had some medical skills, but I have none. I guess I can do something for them still.

Yes, I am happy to live in my reality!

[Cat1864]

Would you be interested in looking into volunteer opportunities in fund raising for the hospital or one of the charities associated with it?

[confusedrebecca]

Would you be interested in looking into volunteer opportunities in fund raising for the hospital or one of the charities associated with it?

Yes, I am. I am deeply involved with the multiple fund raising committee in my area. :)

[Cat1864]

Yes, I am. I am deeply involved with the multiple fund raising committee in my area. :)

I thought it sounded like you were. :D

Does the hospital need volunteers to help children/teens with their school work or help keep them entertained with reading or games? For that matter, do they need volunteers to be "companions" for adults, too?

[confusedrebecca]

I think I am going to date again.

Friday night I went to a cinema with Mr. scrub, my neighbor, who asked me out for the movie, Zombieland. I thought the movie was somewhat PG-13 comedy horror, but it was the worst horror ever. I was so scared, and pretty much screamed for entire movie. Mr. Scrub had arms around me to comfort, and I shoved my half face on his shirt (?), and inventively it looks like he hugged me for entire movie, but it was not that intentional.
After movie, we had a quick bite together. On the way come back, he asked me to go out with him again. I casually said yes, but I would choose a better movie at this time. Ha Ha

He looked at me with serious look, and said it will not be just hanging out, but a real formal date. He said he had crush on me for long time, heard about my breakup from Dexter, he would go slow, and will not pressure or rush me. Well, I told him I would be gone for cruise for 2 weeks. He told me he would happily wait for me for 2 weeks, but he had to know the exact date to make plans for us. He joked he was wondering if someone would ask me out in any minutes, since I am single now. He was blushed when he said that part, and it was cute. He was funny, charming, good looking and intelligent indeed. So, I happily accepted it. I have not dated any doctor so far, and it will be new thing for me. So, I am set up for a dressed-up formal date just after my trip. It will be exactly 8 weeks from the breakup.

By the way, Mr. healthy soup (Will) is teaching me rocket ball every Wednesday now as well. I also have a guy who had a big crush on me in the Halloween party, and he wants me to take me out too. So, one, who is living in my building, and another, my co-worker, and 3rd guy, Mr. Halloween…I will try to hang out with them and see how it goes. I have no intention to take anyone serious, but I need good company & fun now. I guess I should tell them in front not to hurt their feelings & avoid confusions.

Well, my single life goes well, and my ex is history now. Should I close this thread now? Thank you for your support, all.

[supermannnnnn]

Congrats!

[Cat1864]

Definitely be honest with them and go slow.

You are doing great, but be prepared for something to trigger a down moment. Holidays can be a tricky time. Though, it sounds like these gentleman may try to make sure you don't have time to think about Mr. Ex. :)

[asking]

I agree with Cat. Don't be surprised by a bad moment.

And, no, don't close the thread! This is entertaining. :)

Plus if someone comes along all sad about a situation similar to yours, they can read it and see that there really other fish in the sea.

But maybe I'm just being selfish.

Have a great trip and nice that you had such a great date (well, sort of). I went to see Zombieland with my two teenage sons and even though I knew what to expect, I still yelped a couple of times!

[friend4u178]

I agree with asking , keep this thread going. Not only are we happy to hear your story but it's a great journal for you to look back on and see what you've learnt from your break up.

This is a feel good thread to me :)

[imabratt]

I think you should send the player packin’! He is trying to “have his cake and eat it too”!
I would post a fake profile on his dating sites and respond to him and lead him on, it will make you know exactly what kind of man you gave your heart to. Also always remember, boys lie.. I heard this statement a long time ago and it made quite a bit of sense. A real man never lies..

[paxe]

I think I am going to date again.

Friday night I went to a cinema with Mr. scrub, my neighbor, who asked me out for the movie, Zombieland. I thought the movie was somewhat PG-13 comedy horror, but it was the worst horror ever. I was so scared, and pretty much screamed for entire movie. Mr. Scrub had arms around me to comfort, and I shoved my half face on his shirt (?), and inventively it looks like he hugged me for entire movie, but it was not that intentional.
After movie, we had a quick bite together. On the way come back, he asked me to go out with him again. I casually said yes, but I would choose a better movie at this time. Ha Ha

He looked at me with serious look, and said it will not be just hanging out, but a real formal date. He said he had crush on me for long time, heard about my breakup from Dexter, he would go slow, and will not pressure or rush me. Well, I told him I would be gone for cruise for 2 weeks. He told me he would happily wait for me for 2 weeks, but he had to know the exact date to make plans for us. He joked he was wondering if someone would ask me out in any minutes, since I am single now. He was blushed when he said that part, and it was cute. He was funny, charming, good looking and intelligent indeed. So, I happily accepted it. I have not dated any doctor so far, and it will be new thing for me. So, I am set up for a dressed-up formal date just after my trip. It will be exactly 8 weeks from the breakup.

By the way, Mr. healthy soup (Will) is teaching me rocket ball every Wednesday now as well. I also have a guy who had a big crush on me in the Halloween party, and he wants me to take me out too. So, one, who is living in my building, and another, my co-worker, and 3rd guy, Mr. Halloween…I will try to hang out with them and see how it goes. I have no intention to take anyone serious, but I need good company & fun now. I guess I should tell them in front not to hurt their feelings & avoid confusions.

Well, my single life goes well, and my ex is history now. Should I close this thread now? Thank you for your support, all.

I'm so glad for you! Though, make sure that you don't replace your ex with someone else, it is really important that you stay single for a long time. I had (and still have) my shares of dates and girls interested in me, but you need to get better on your own. The reason for that is that you will become much stronger for the future and you will be able to cope with other problems.

I've talked to this girl that I'm really interested and she seems really interested, and I am happy things are going well for me. The difference from before is I don't think about her right now and I don't get my hopes up. I am able to control my emotions and I am able to concentrate on other stuff until I see her. If she goes with another guy, it will do nothing to me, because I learned to be strong. This is what I achieved with active healing all these months, more control over my emotions and more confidence (which attracts more girls).

[redhed35]

Hey rebecca,if you feel your ready to date again fair enough, however I would like to give you a word of caution... you have experienced a bad break up,and although you have made great strides in healing,and getting back too you,remember wounds take time to heal,you have a nice scab forming and all is going well...

Getting perspective takes time,and your breakup was littered with psycological (sp) trauma as well,and I would worry that you would form an attachment or fall for a man too quickly...

As I said you know you best and this is just an outside opinion,words on a screen,but its objective... have fun and enjoy the company by all means,but protect your mind,your heart and that scab!

[Cat1864]

imabratt, just a piece of friendly advice, please read an entire thread or at very least the latest posts by the op, before adding your advice. Often there is updated information in a thread especially one with over 300 posts that will change what advice is needed.

[confusedrebecca]

congrats!

Thank you for your kind word!:)

[confusedrebecca]

I'm so glad for you!! Though, make sure that you don't replace your ex with someone else, it is really important that you stay single for a long time. I had (and still have) my shares of dates and girls interested in me, but you need to get better on your own. The reason for that is that you will become much stronger for the future and you will be able to cope with other problems.

I've talked to this girl that I'm really interested and she seems really interested, and I am happy things are going well for me. The difference from before is I don't think about her right now and I don't get my hopes up. I am able to control my emotions and I am able to concentrate on other stuff until I see her. If she goes with another guy, it will do nothing to me, because I learned to be strong. This is what I achieved with active healing all these months, more control over my emotions and more confidence (which attracts more girls).

Thank you, paxe,
I agree with you completely. Since last time I saw my ex, I feel like I do not care if he dates someone else now. I was deeply hurt by his cheating before, but I like to move forward. I will not dwell in the sorrow for the man anymore. He did not deserve me anyway.
Regarding to the healing though, I still did not forgive him. I do not know I will ever forgive him. Is it the sign I am not still over him completely? I wonder...

[confusedrebecca]

hey rebecca,if you feel your ready to date again fair enough, however i would like to give you a word of caution...you have experienced a bad break up,and although you have made great strides in healing,and getting back too you,remember wounds take time to heal,you have a nice scab forming and all is going well...

getting perspective takes time,and your breakup was littered with psycological (sp) trauma as well,and i would worry that you would form an attachment or fall for a man too quickly....

as i said you know you best and this is just an outside opinion,words on a screen,but its objective...have fun and enjoy the company by all means,but protect your mind,your heart and that scab!

Hi redhead,
Yes, I exactly expected your advice. I need caution. I do not want to dwell in the sorrow, but I do not want to end up with impulsive rebound relationship either.

As you say, the breakup with my ex was the biggest psychological (sp) trauma in my life, it wounded myself esteem and personal belief from the root. I will try to be logical and emotionally conservative & neutral not to develop a form of attachment or fall for a man too quickly...

The good thing is all 3 men showed up at the same time, and it will give me some balance not to fall for a man quickly. However, it will be tricky to be fair to the gentlemen, and not to hurt their feelings until I found the right person among them.

I will definitely go slowly. My way has been always going slow, and nobody never had me in the first a couple of month. I know. I am way too traditional. :)

I know I am too genuine sometimes for my age, and will try to protect myself. I will come and ask your opinion always. You are helping me in a great deal all the time. Thank you.

[confusedrebecca]

Definitely be honest with them and go slow.

You are doing great, but be prepared for something to trigger a down moment. Holidays can be a tricky time. Though, it sounds like these gentleman may try to make sure you don't have time to think about Mr. Ex. :)

Cat1864,
I agree. I thought about the coming Holiday, and I know I will give me Holiday blue big time. I was with my ex in all the Holiday events, and now I am suddenly single.
However, I will guard my feelings, and be honest with the 3 gentlemen.
I promise I will go very slowly.
I will keep updating you and ask your wise opinion all the time.:)

[asking]

...I still did not forgive him. I do not know I will ever forgive him. Is it the sign I am not still over him completely? I wonder...

To me, it just means you learned a powerful lesson. It's certainly too fresh to expect yourself to forgive him now. I don't think it will still be bothering you much in 10 years. You'll just be glad you didn't marry him!

But are you required to ever forgive him eventually? That's really up to you. I wouldn't worry about it now.

[confusedrebecca]

I agree with Cat. Don't be surprised by a bad moment.

And, no, don't close the thread! This is entertaining. :)

Plus if someone comes along all sad about a situation similar to yours, they can read it and see that there really other fish in the sea.

But maybe I'm just being selfish.

Have a great trip and nice that you had such a great date (well, sort of). I went to see Zombieland with my two teenage sons and even though I knew what to expect, I still yelped a couple of times!

Hahaha
Then, I will keep this thread open, and keep posting my new journal.
Indeed, it is peace in my mind I have a great place I can vent and get warm support and wise advice.

Yes, the Zombieland was brutally horror movie.
It is one of the perfect post breakup movie, we can shake off all our sorrow, and scream out all the stress from our chest. I recommend it. :D