[Just Looking]

I was asked by my counselor to give a short talk regarding surviving violence at a fund raising dinner (approx 1500 people). There are several other people lined up to speak, including victims, police officers, doctors, and counselors. I'm trying to determine if I'm ready for this. I was violently attacked just under a month ago. I've been working with the police department on a program for high school and college aged women regarding violence, survival and self esteem, so I already have an idea what I would say. I enjoy giving business presentations (though the largest audience I've addressed was about 300 people), but this is so personal.

I guess what I don't know for sure is if I'm ready to face these people. Is it too soon or too much? How do I know if I'm just nervous versus not ready? It also means telling my story to influential people of our city – good for raising awareness, but does it then become my identity? I'm torn between helping them put a face to this versus remaining fairly anonymous.

[I wish]

One month is not a long time ago. It's still very fresh in your mind. You should take whatever amount of time you need to recover before you do something so grand. I'm sure that there will be other opportunities. Focus on recovering first so that you will be in a better position to give your presentation. In the meantime, you can spend time preparing what you're going to say.

[jmjoseph]

We've heard of your attack, and many have (myself included) prayed for your speedy recovery. I am glad to have you back. This subject is obviously not an exact science. However, if by you sharing your experience, will somehow help just ONE person who is living a threatened life, it will be worth it. I think you should do it.

Years ago, my mother was mugged. She was, and still is, in a victims group that goes around speaking to groups about street safety. My mother lost her confidence, and sense of security. This group, and the sharing, has helped immensely.

May GOD give you strength and peace.

[rockie100]

Im sorry that happened to you. Just remember it doesn't have to define you. You are so much more than this attack. I am sure that your counselor thinks you are ready. But only you can decide if this would help your recovery or compound it. Many have found that by helping others, you too gain strength and heal to a greater measure. Any chance to share with a smaller venue first?

[talaniman]

You have already started telling your story on this forum, and helping others on this forum. I more than think your ready, and able to help others in person. But you're the only one who really knows if the time is now, or not.

You have our hugs, and support for whatever decision you make.

[kctiger]

I have been witness to a lot of people telling a story when it was still fresh in their mind. Although I cannot pretend I know what those people are going through I will say it is much more powerful when they address a crowd while they are still emotional about it. I think it speaks volumes of people who can talk about a horrific situation and show true emotions to tie it in, not just stand up there like a public address announcer and spout off a story.

You make the choice, but I for one have complete confidence you are ready to do this. I have said from the get go you have so much to offer and it would benefit not just strangers, but you as well, to let this out and do it in a powerful and compelling manor symbolic of someone who has overcome such a tragedy.

[confusedrebecca]

It also means telling my story to influential people of our city – good for raising awareness, but does it then become my identity? I’m torn between helping them put a face to this versus remaining fairly anonymous.

It will be very powerful & helpful for audiences and your city if you present your story with vivid emotions and scars.

My concern is though you will go through very strong emotion while you give your personal speech in front of the huge group of people. Is it helping you to heal in this phase? I do not think it will be good for you right now since it has been only a month. If I am you, I will focus on healing for a while until you are sure you are ready. You will have plenty of opportunities to help other people later. I strongly encourage you to give us speech for our society instead of remaining anonymous.

I will not worry about the victim identify though. It is nonsense. You did absolutely everything right. Your incident only reveals that how beautiful & desirable woman you are to make a highly educated man completely crazy over you, but how effectively you managed the situation in every moment. It is just inspiring! You should be proud of yourself.

By the way, everyone,
I saw Just Looking 's photo, and she is absolutely gorgeous & beautiful woman beyond everyone's imagination. Please stay in the virtual line to get her photo with autograph via email. She will be a celebrity soon, and she may will not have enough time for us. :D

Just Looking, how lucky you are! We all adore you.

[Devorameira]

I'm sure that it's a lot of nerves, but I also think that a victim sometimes has a feeling (untrue one) that they must have done something to cause the abuse. Because of that untrue feeling of blame, they worry that others will be judgemental of them.

Honey, hold your head high and don't let any bit of doubt come in. This topic is so important!! Just remember that even though you feel a little uncomfortable that your lecture may save someone life!

[Alty]

JLo, your strength and courage is an inspiration, you are a hero my dear. HC (Historian Chick) called me a hero when I wrote about my past on AMHD. I questioned it, and HC wrote this;

The definition of a hero in my mind is someone who overcomes obstacles with grace and fortitude, who makes a positive difference in other people's lives despite their own insecurities and failures, who truly stands - even when all they want to do is lie down and cry.

A hero isn't someone who leaps tall buildings and gets kittens out of trees.

A hero is a person just like you

Well my dear, that's you.

What happened to you is horrible, but instead of laying down to cry you get up every day and continue to be who you are, not a victim, but a hero.

I think you're ready, heck, I know you're ready.

[Just Looking]

Thanks for giving me your opinions. I was leaning towards doing it, partly because I thought it could be inspirational and partly because it was just one more way to prove to myself that I am strong and can overcome this. I was a little nervous, and agreed with the posts that said I could wait to do this and still be effective … but also agreed with the ones that thought I was ready. I had mixed emotions, but I’ve taken a few days to really think about everything and decided there were more reasons to do it than not to do it. My biggest reason not to do it was fear that I wouldn’t be able to control my emotions, but after thinking about it I believe that I will be in control if I keep things in perspective. I’m there to help; it’s not just about me. The fundraiser is next week. I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks, again.

[Alty]

JLo, sometimes not controlling your emotions is the best way to go. Don't be afraid that you'll break down, if you do it will just drive the point home further.

You don't have to prove anything to yourself or anyone else. You are strong, you will overcome this, you already are overcoming it, every single day.

I wish I could be there, not only to hear you talk but to give you support. I'll be there in spirit, we all will.

By the way, say hi to Carolyn. :)

[redhed35]

Hey j-lo.

My suggestion is too make a draft of what you want to say.. and say it out aloud.

You have a chance to become a voice for those with no voice, and to set the bar in healing... ie,'i want to be like her' and heal like her.

For me,I think the biggest part of healing from a massive trauma is owning it,and accepting that it happened to you... and telling the world that these things do not just happen to other people.. it is real and it does happen,and can happen to anyone! Creating awareness can and possibly will help another if faced with a similar situation...

You have a platform,now be the voice for the victims..

Its in you for greatest j-lo,I see it,and many others here,and I'm sure in your own life see it too...

Grab it,and run with it and I know you will make us proud,your family proud,but most importantly to show the most important person in your life that you're a survivor not a victim and that person is ---YOU.

[Just Looking]

Just wanted to post and let you know that the event was last night. My speech went well. They played my 911 tape (rather spooky) and showed pictures while I spoke. As it turns out, I'm glad I did it. Thanks again for all of your input. :)

[amicon]

Well done Just Looking-your speech will help many!