[Cherie32]

I'm stuck in a huge dilemma. I'm in this perfect marriage with a good looking, kind, caring, loyal guy and we have a 1-yr old baby. BUT I feel I'm married to my best friend and I'm not sexually attracted to him. While I find others that I'm EXTREMELY attracted to sexually.

I can never cheat on him, cause he deserves better than that, but there've been occasions where I've been very close to cheating and had to stop myself.

Surely this isn't right and a clear sign I should be getting out?

But on the other hand, when we have sex, I do have orgasms and enjoy it. The problem is I never feel the excitement of wanting him, while I feel this for others.

I'm doubting whether this is a problem with me rather than the relationship,and if I broke this up and started another relationship with someone I found sexually exciting, whether in time the sexual attraction may go away and I'll be back in square one?

I'm in such a comfortable place now, living with my 'best friend' and baby it seems a shame to throw it all away. But then you do live once, and should I really be going through life thinking I didn't live it fully?

Please help!

[slapshot_oi]

You need some introspection and determine whether it really is the relationship. If you or others notice you have a history of losing attraction deep into a relationship, then it will likely happen again, only this time you'll be walking out on your family. You also need to tell some of your closest friends this as well, they can give you better advice than us. Lastly, you should only talk to your husband when you're 100% convinced of the cause.

It's surprising you let the relationship get this far. I'm guessing you never really experimented when you were younger.

[Cherie32]

You need some introspection and determine whether it really is the relationship. If you or others notice you have a history of losing attraction deep into a relationship, then it will likely happen again, only this time you'll be walking out on your family. You also need to tell some of your closest friends this as well, they can give you better advice than us. Lastly, you should only talk to your husband when you're 100% convinced of the cause.

It's surprising you let the relationship get this far. I'm guessing you never really experimented when you were younger.

I've been having these thoughts on and off for ages, and keep talking myself out of the split.

The problem is that I was a virgin when I married, so have never had sex with anyone else. This terrifies me even more, and is probably why this has taken so long..

[Synnen]

I'm guessing this has a LOT more to do with having a one year old child than anything else.

Sometimes we get comfortable in relationships, and stop making the efforts we used to make to attract each other. I'm not talking about dressing up, or hygiene (though those both count!), but about the little things you did while dating that made you excited to see one another.

Having a child is another factor. As women, we somehow feel torn between being "mommy" and being "sexy"---and sometimes the people that don't see you as a "mom" first are the ones that are exciting to be around, because they are attracted to YOU. It's an ego boost, which a lot of the time will feed into a woman's libido.

I really suggest you see a counselor and work through this.

[slapshot_oi]

The problem is that I was a virgin when I married, so have never had sex with anyone else. This terrifies me even more, and is probably why this has taken so long..

I thought so.

I can't lie, I won't become seriously involved with a woman if she hasn't had much experience just because the possibility of her losing interest is way too high, she'd have nothing to compare our relationship against.

If you weren't married and didn't have a child, I'd say be honest with him, come clean and break it off. But given your situation, I really don't know what to tell you.

[Cherie32]

I'm guessing this has a LOT more to do with having a one year old child than anything else.

Sometimes we get comfortable in relationships, and stop making the efforts we used to make to attract each other. I'm not talking about dressing up, or hygiene (though those both count!), but about the little things you did while dating that made you excited to see one another.

Having a child is another factor. As women, we somehow feel torn between being "mommy" and being "sexy"---and sometimes the people that don't see you as a "mom" first are the ones that are exciting to be around, because they are attracted to YOU. It's an ego boost, which a lot of the time will feed into a woman's libido.

I really suggest you see a counselor and work through this.

Thanks for the advice Synnen.

The thing is I never felt the sexual attraction for him to begin with (and its not something that's gone away with becoming a mother). I married him cause it seemed 'sensible' at the time, because we got on so well and because he's such a caring guy.

As I was a virgin at the time, probably didn't know what to expect (or look for) sexually.

[Cat1864]

Why did you just ask this same question in the Divorce Forum after you received answers here?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/divorc...ge-408910.html

Are you expecting the experts on that board to tell you to leave your husband and child?

[slapshot_oi]

Now that I know you were never attracted to him, I do have advice.

You really need to be honest with yourself because staying in a marriage you really don't want to be in is going to eat away at you. If your not attracted to someone now, you never will be, time isn't going to change anything.

The fact that there's a one-year-old involved makes a world of difference, but, if you're going to divorce him, you're better off doing it now before your child can remember.

[Cherie32]

Why did you just ask this same question in the Divorce Forum after you received answers here?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/divorc...ge-408910.html

Are you expecting the experts on that board to tell you to leave your husband and child?

Apologies, am new to the site and posted in two forums which seemed relevant. Didn't know this is against the site's code of practice. Can you tell me how to delete it?

Can't understand why this leads you to think I'm fishing for this advice?

[Cat1864]

Apologies, am new to the site and posted in two forums which seemed relevant. Didn't know this is against the site's code of practice. Can you tell me how to delete it?

Can't understand why this leads you to think I'm fishing for this advice?!

Because that happens a lot. Someone doesn't get the advice they want. They can't delete their current question so they try to start over on a different board or they wait a couple of days and ask again.

What makes your posting suspicious is that you were already getting advice on this board and then chose to repost your same question in another forum.

To be able to give the best advice we can, we need to know what has been suggested and what has been added that might change the advice given.

[Cherie32]

What makes your posting suspicious is that you were already getting advice on this board and then chose to repost your exact same question in another forum.

To be able to give the best advice we can, we need to know what has been suggested and what has been added that might change the advice given.

Thanks for clarifying Cat. Will keep this in mind for future posts.

[Cat1864]

Thanks for clarifying Cat. Will keep this in mind for future posts.

No problem. We want to give you the best advice we can.

If you find yourself wanting to give advice or just try to find how others have dealt with the same situation you are in, you'll understand how important it is to have the full story in one place. :)

[smoothy]

So what? You are sexually attracted to others. There isn't a married operson here that can't say they haven't been sexually attracted to someone other than their spouse.

Hell I am all the time. Difference is I choose to ignore that attraction as I also made the choice to get married.

And as most of us know. The grass being greener on the other side of the fence thing? That's an optical illusion.

[Cherie32]

Thanks Smoothy... I guess that depends on whether the grass is green at all on your side and your relationship isworking to begin with.

To keep responses in one thread, Ive continued the discussions under the thread below. Please post any further responses there.

Thank you

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/divorc...ml#post2056019