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A4Effort · Oct 20, 2009, 06:39 AM

I am feel ashamed of myself for being this weak. I am far from proud.

kctiger · Oct 20, 2009, 06:40 AM

Originally Posted by A4Effort

I am feel ashamed of myself for being this weak. I am far from proud.

I am ashamed that you aren't proud of yourself. Get off your a$$ and start telling yourself you will get through this. NO MATTER WHAT!! You aren't weak, you are human. Welcome to the club. Just like any other human, you too can defeat this.

paxe · Oct 20, 2009, 06:48 AM

It seems you are wallowing in self-pity and it's a defense mechanism. You still don't the realities, she has left you that's it. And no, you cannot equate good times to you dating her. You seem to be a bit weak, so try this: count the days of NC, and set yourself a goal. For example, your goal, would be to have 6 packs. If you have 6 packs, then 8 packs. Or if you are learning something new, set yourself a time limit to learn it... Basically start focusing on yourself. Also take a chill pill, you probably need it.

As for your history, it is sad but you shouldn't wallow in it. I know my family passed through a similar situation of genocide and war. We never let it affect our present or future, for the sake of the people who lived in the past.

A4Effort · Oct 20, 2009, 06:55 AM

I am over the past. It has brought me here and made me into the man I am. I am not wallowing in the past but I am wallowing in this. Once I started college and started dating her everything finally seemed to feel normal. Life was good. All my hard work paid off. Balance finally has been achieved and life for the first time was everything I dreamed of.

paxe · Oct 20, 2009, 08:02 AM

Wrong, everything is what you are dreaming for, not dreamed. A girl should not be your dream, what you have achieved and what you are going to achieve is. You know that life is going to throw you obstacle that is going to be much harder than that, it's basically a lesson. If you don't learn and cope with this lesson you'll never grow and you'll never be able to tackle much harder obstacle in life.

A4Effort · Oct 20, 2009, 09:02 AM

I find it funny though because everyone is telling me to stop wallowing in my own pain. But when I asked how do I stop I was told that I just need to let time pass.

I know I am the one who needs to take responsibilities for my own actions. I know that I have the power to control my emotions.

kctiger · Oct 20, 2009, 09:04 AM

Maybe you just need to come up with new dreams.

A4Effort · Oct 20, 2009, 09:07 AM

What do you mean?

kctiger · Oct 20, 2009, 09:10 AM

You are speaking in terms of complete absolutes, as if this is as good as it gets and your dreams, once fulfilled, are now history because of a break up. So, dream more, come up with new dreams, whatever. Evolve your goals towards something that doesn't revolve around a female.

You know the one thing all dreams have in common? They END. So we come up with new dreams and a new life to adore.

talaniman · Oct 20, 2009, 09:29 AM

We always have to adjust our hopes and dreams and goals to fit the ever changing life around us.

Read Emopunks story, and see where your both similar. Keep in mind this is his second go round here.

But when I asked how do I stop I was told that I just need to let time pass.

That where the stickies come in. And patience.

What's fun to you? (excluding anything to do with her)

A4Effort · Oct 20, 2009, 09:49 AM

Well I enjoy photography very much and martial arts. I love learning and meeting new people. I enjoy being active in every way. I love traveling. I love enjoying life. I love accomplishing and challenging myself.

Romefalls19 · Oct 20, 2009, 09:52 AM

Okay, I don't get on her much anymore but I was familiar with your story. I was you, back in high school. I dated a girl for a few years, she would feed me the line "I need to find myself" and break up, only so she could go find her legs wrapped around someone else, foolishly I took her back and she did it again, only this time it hurt more, because you have always been told "if you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you then you know" Well needless to say, that was wrong.

Now, you are stuck at a point where you have reached rock bottom. You are looking at all the negatives, think about the one true positive you have. You can only go up from here. It's hard but it's life, it's going to beat you down and it won't offer you a hand. If you won't pick yourself up, then maybe you don't belong on your feet.

You have to ask yourself one serious question, look in the mirror and ask "Am I going to beat this or am I going to allow this to beat me?"

DerelictHerds · Oct 20, 2009, 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by kctiger

You know the one thing all dreams have in common? They END. So we come up with new dreams and a new life to adore.

I like this a lot

A4Effort · Oct 20, 2009, 01:25 PM

I agree with you completely. Just like you said the second time around is more difficult. When she came back I believed her that she was committed this time around and I believed that she would not have the feelings anymore. Also, I invested myself completely because I was made to believe that she was committed.

But today was a good day. I think it was important to go through this because it helped me let out all the emotions that were kept inside.

I will pick myself back up and I will be strong again.

DerelictHerds · Oct 20, 2009, 02:12 PM

Originally Posted by A4Effort

But today was a good day. I think it was important to go through this because it helped me let out all the emotions that were kept inside.

I will pick myself back up and I will be strong again.

Things will become bad, but just accept the horrible feelings because you know things will become better. A good way I'm dealing with this rollercoaster. I have my down days. Yeah it can hurt like hell. But I still keep in mind that it will pass and just let it come and go. As time passes, you'll notice a drop in the daily percentage of depression you experience. Especially if you're keeping busy socializing and setting goals for yourself.

A4Effort · Oct 20, 2009, 07:57 PM

Thank you all for helping me today. Today was a rough day. I don't know if it was the lack of sleep that I've been getting the last few nights or the added stress of this week. Either way today I had a big time low and you all helped me through it.

THANK YOU!!

paxe · Oct 20, 2009, 08:10 PM

Rest is important also for healing. Take time to relax and do whatever you really like (video games, music... ).

A4Effort · Oct 20, 2009, 08:14 PM

I will do just that once Friday roles around. This week is hell week and I have been bombarded with exams and essays. It will slow down after tomorrow.

I met another girl today. She is beautiful and has many qualities that I adore. We talked about possibly getting together this Friday and going out for a drink.

Random question. So the girl I talked to today was very cute and her and I got along well. We talked about this bar where you can play board games and she said to me: "maybe I will see you there this Saturday and we can a round of apple's to apple's."

Does that have any underlying meanings or does it just mean that she wants to play a game of apples to apples?

AND don't worry, I am not moving into another relationship. I just want to know if this girl is into me.

kctiger · Oct 21, 2009, 05:44 AM

My advice is to think less and do more. Quit thinking about an inherent meaning behind something and just go, explore and enjoy.

To be honest, from the sounds of it, you sound like you are looking for female attention, which usually hints at feeling lonely. I hope you aren't trying to replace one female for another.

A4Effort · Oct 21, 2009, 06:15 AM

Its not as much loneliness as it is meeting new people. I was given this opportunity now to go out and date. I always have been the relationship type and now I just want to have fun and meet as many people as possible. Also, I am doing this to keep my mind busy and it feels good knowing that females are interested in you.

I do not want to be in a relationship any time soon because as you can clearly tell, I am not ready for one.