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louiseismyname · Jul 26, 2009, 03:24 AM

I just wanted to give you all an update and again say thanks for all your help and support. I have now hit the 1 week point of NC and feel a little better, I'm not going to text him ever again. I even tested myself and looked at his girlfriend profile pic (im not her friend so I can't see any info just her profile pic) and the profile pic had changed to a piture of her and my ex together wrapped in each others arms. Do you know what, it didn't bother me in the slightest!! All I thought was that I really feel sorry them them both. Him because he is a compulsive lair and cheat and her because her boyfriend has been going back her back telling me and god knows how many other woman that he loves them and wants to be with them,!

Every time I think of him I think of how much he lied and hur me and that makes me not want to go back for more. Ive broken NC before and really regretted doing that each and ever time. There's no way that I'm going back and feeling like that again

Thanks again for all your help xx

sully123 · Jul 26, 2009, 04:15 AM

Glad your staying strong Louise, good for you. I just think now you have finally seen the whole picture, and what a cheat and liar he is. Sometimes when were caught up in the situation, its hard to see past it. Our emotions are running high, then all of a sudden something just clicks. We have all been through it. Let me tell you, my lowest days when things looked bleak, and when your going through relationship problems it's the people here that make you strong and make you see the light. We are here for you, and good luck.

talaniman · Jul 26, 2009, 05:04 AM

Once you close that chapter of your life, You can open another, and see other options and opportunities to be happy. You really don't have to test yourself, I don't think, as life will do that for you. Your doing good though keep it up.

roxypox · Jul 26, 2009, 12:59 PM

I'm glad that things are going okay. You've past the first week and that's really great and a good reason to be proud. I'm also happy for you that you can see him for what he is now.

And remember that we're here for you. If you need us!

louiseismyname · Jul 27, 2009, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by roxypox

I'm glad that things are going okay. You've past the first week and thats really great and a good reason to be proud. I'm also happy for you that you can see him for what he is now.

And remember that we're here for you. If you need us!

Thanks everyone for there kind words, its like I've finally woken up and smelt the roses as they say and I think they smelt of s**t!! I really don't care what he does and who it does it with, I no longer have to worry over whether he is telling me the truth or who's bed he is in tonight and that's such a weight off my shoulders. Id never go back in a million years and I can't wait for the day for him to text me old mobile and wait for my reply THAT Isn't GOING TO HAPPEN LOL!!

I will never even look in his direction if I see him about he not only has hurt me once but three or four times. I think they say fool me once shame on you but fool me twice same on me ? Well I'm being shamed no more. Ive found that self respect that I lost and I'm finally on the way up - watch out world I'm coming through lol :p:p:p

sully123 · Jul 27, 2009, 12:48 PM

Louise, I thought you were cutting off all contact? Why would you even reply to him and even answer him, its adding fuel to the fire. NO CONTACT IS NO CONTACT... If you say your strong than means nothing no answering no nothing. YOU have came this far, don't blow it now.. that's the satisfaction you want him to have?

louiseismyname · Jul 27, 2009, 01:15 PM

Originally Posted by sully123

Louise, I thought you were cutting off all contact? Why would you even reply to him and even answer him, its adding fuel to the fire. NO CONTACT IS NO CONTACT.... If you say your strong than means nothing no answering no nothing. YOU have came this far, don't blow it now.. thats the satisfaction you want him to have?

sully123, thanks for the reply, I don't understand why you think I'm going to contact him. Il never contact hi ever again or want to be contacted by him. I said in my last post that if he contacts me then I'm never going to reply, he will expect me too but I'm not going to. He thinks that I will come running when he is bored, he has got another thing coming this time. Don't worry l be strong and won't break my resolve this time. :D:D:D

nothing lasts · Aug 3, 2009, 10:16 AM

Look follow your heart before your mind

louiseismyname · Aug 5, 2009, 10:17 AM

Originally Posted by nothing lasts

look follow your heart before your mind

I don't think that is a wise move, my heart says that I love him but my mind says that I would never be able to trust him and would always be wondering if he is telling the truth.

Anyway, just a quick update, I'm on day 17 of NC and I'm doing fine,he even text me again the other day (I knew he would eventually, he just can't deleted my number like I have deleted his). Anyway he text me on Sat and I haven't replied. I think he got a bit confused and thought I was pregnant and said congrats and wished me well. Then on Tuesday night his girlfriend ended up ringing my mate (when my mate was texting my ex he has kept the number and his girlfriend has got it)at 2am!! Saying that they had broke up and wanted to know info on him etc. I wouldn't mind but the day before this now ex girlfriend was texting my mate calling her all the names under the sun.

Anyway, I'm staying out of it all and keeping busy, like I said I'm on day 17 of NC and feel wonderful. I couldn't help but smile when I knew they had split up, I just hope she sees him for what he is but I doubt it to be honest. I wouldn't have him back now if he begged, its onwards and upwards for me WITHOUT HIM

louiseismyname · Oct 19, 2009, 05:32 AM

Hi

All I just wanted to give you an update on my progress. Well things were going great for me and the NC was going well. He then split up with his GF and started the texts to me again, but this time it's a whole lot worse than before, he says that he can't be with anyone else but me and that he loves me so much and has never stopped loving me. He now has started to self harm (cutting my name into his skin) apparently, he says that we are now going to be together forever?

I got a text the other day from his friend (but I think it was him) saying that my ex was in hospital, so I rang the hospital and they said no one under that name had been admitted, I just knew deep down he did this for my attention, when I finally got through to him (just in case it wasn't a stunt and then I would have felt bad) he said that he has to go to the hospital 3 times a week to talk about the self harming otherwise he will get taken in on daycare.

I just don't know what to do for the best I do love him and want to be there for him but I'm with someone now and don't want to hurt them?
His texts read, I've carved your name into my skin with a blade so you will be with me forever, and your name is on me forever now, I have you in me always. Somedays il text him and he won't text me back for days, its like he likes me worrying about him. Its like he gets kicks out of me worrying.

What do I do, I just don't know if he is telling the truth about his self harming or its just another one of his lies , please could you give me some help as I'm at my wits end. Ive just started a CIM marketing diploma course and so I'm very busy and this is just going down the pan quickly with all the worry I have over my ex

amicon · Oct 19, 2009, 05:41 AM

Its time you had another wakeup call and started smelling the coffee again.
He is messing you about.
If he is selfharming he should get treatment but this has nothing to do with you.
Leave his dramas be and ignore his manipulations.

louiseismyname · Oct 19, 2009, 05:45 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

Its time you had another wakeup call and started smelling the coffee again.
He is messing you about.
If he is selfharming he should get treatment but this has nothing to do with you.
Leave his dramas be and ignore his manipulations.

I really need to stop caring about him I know, apparently he drove past my house yesterday but I was away so that really got on his nearves!!

It just feels like he wants me when there is no one else around to give him the attention, I do love him but he drives me crazy with his lies and apparent self harming. He said that he did love me and asked me to have a baby with him and get married to prove his love? Don't worry that isn't going to happen as I'm far to sensible for that, but I'm so confused and hurt. I asked why he cuts himself and he said because of me. That really hurt me, if I stay in contact then we both just end up getting knowhere and start arguing or if I leave I'm scared he may hurt himself because of me and il have that burden to carry for the rest of my life. This is making me ill

talaniman · Oct 19, 2009, 05:48 AM

You really need to enforce the NC, a lot better. Until you do he will always have a foot in the door to drag you back to him. I think you know this.

Even worse holding on to each other will spoil anything you try to do, as your seeing first hand. Is that fair to your new partner?

amicon · Oct 19, 2009, 05:51 AM

He s trying to emotionally blackmail you.
He is responsible for his own actions,no one else.
Don't fall back into his gameplaying.

louiseismyname · Oct 19, 2009, 05:52 AM

He says that he loves me and wants to be with me but I feel that when something better comes along he will be out the door, there is no trust there and my relationship is suffering with my partner.

Why is he self harming, or if he is lying about doing that then why would he do that?

To turn around and to say to someone that they will be in you forever because they have cut there name into there skin is a bit strange.

Ive tried to tell him I'm leaving and that I hope he gets help and he text me back and said "yes you go running like the rest of them when they know im ill, you can run but il always have your name on me forever ????? "

talaniman · Oct 19, 2009, 06:00 AM

I don't care what he does, or what he says. You have been down this road before, so stop listening to the fool, or keep suffering the consequences of breaking No Contact, and being his puppet.

You can't reason with a stupid idiot, and being made to feel guilty is YOU, not wanting to let go. How dare you allow this jerk to run your life.

louiseismyname · Oct 19, 2009, 06:03 AM

Talaniman, how do I walk away from this? How do I walk and not care if he cuts himself ? How can I live with myself if he hurts himself?

amicon · Oct 19, 2009, 06:06 AM

The thread you posted says: He lies about everything-give that some serious thought. Never mind WHY he lies, for your own sake-IGNORE HIM.

louiseismyname · Oct 19, 2009, 06:09 AM

I feel like I'm cracking up with the pressure myself, he don't care about me some days, he just ignores my texts and thinks il be there when he is ready to talk again.

talaniman · Oct 19, 2009, 06:33 AM

he just ignores my texts and thinks I'll be there when he is ready to talk again.

So far he has been right hasn't he? Stop answering his texts, what part of that do you not understand? That's not NO Contact your doing, your just being manipulated and lied to yet again. Read this post,
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...?=#post2039716

Quote by Destiny09
He doesn't want anyone else to have you either so by keep coming back your always there for him... as and when he wants.

Its time to put your foot down, and stop accepting this kind of behavior for yourself. Do the work required by NC, and leave the jerk alone and let him pay the consequences of his actions, not you. Keep this selfish fiend out of your life as he sure isn't showing you love or respect, so deserves none from you.

What's worse is the real victim is your new partner, who is being deprived of a real chance at happiness because your more concerned with an idiot, than yourself, or him. How sick is that?