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flower81 · Sep 28, 2009, 02:53 AM

I got married to my husband and his mother didn't even get us anything..
Is this really wrong?
My husband thinks so too...

Should I be different with her now?

She is so tight its unbelievable

redhed35 · Sep 28, 2009, 03:10 AM

Perhaps there was a good reason that neither of you are privy too.. maybe that's just her way..

Is she nice to you?

This is only a small thing,I'm sure you got lots of nice presents,think back,has she done something for you both that perhaps she has considered a gift?

flower81 · Sep 28, 2009, 03:12 AM

Yes she is nice to us, but she is very tight - even her own daughter will agree.

She bought us the wedding rings actually and some flowers 3 yrs when we got married, as this year we had a celebration as 3 yrs ago we didn't due to personal reasons.

redhed35 · Sep 28, 2009, 03:18 AM

See,she has her own balance sheet... if she is otherwise nice,I would just let it go,is it really a big deal?

There are mother in laws out there who seem to reek havoc on couples,being tight is not a crime,give her a break,we all have our own things,some people are mean with their time and kindness,or mean in spirit... dont look at what she gives in the materail sense but overall,does she treat you with respect,and knows the bounderies..

Gemini54 · Sep 28, 2009, 10:41 PM

Count your blessings - so she's tight - I agree with redhead - there are far, far worse things.

Presents are just 'things' in the end - try to give her your love and be generous in your dealings with her - her 'tightness' comes from fear of not having enough - give her what you can of yourself and she'll eventually appreciate it.

Sometimes when we are generous in our approach to others and genuinely expect nothing in return, their approach to us changes over time.

artlady · Sep 28, 2009, 10:56 PM

I agree with the above responses.

Count your blessings that tight is the only MIL complaint you have!

She did buy you the rings and that is very thoughtful and a gift you will always treasure.

Some people are tight and your not going to change them.
It seems to be one of those characteristics that is hard wired.

Who knows how difficult it was for her to part with the money for the rings and the flowers?
That may have been a huge mental sacrifice for her.

flower81 · Sep 30, 2009, 11:41 PM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

Count your blessings - so she's tight - I agree with redhead - there are far, far worse things.

Presents are just 'things' in the end - try to give her your love and be generous in your dealings with her - her 'tightness' comes from fear of not having enough - give her what you can of yourself and she'll eventually appreciate it.

Sometimes when we are generous in our approach to others and genuinely expect nothing in return, their approach to us changes over time.

She has enough.. believe me..
She is paying for other sons flight all the way from canada to scotland...
That's peeved me off abit!
We get nothing... but she pays a long haul flight for there other son and his wife..

Gemini54 · Sep 30, 2009, 11:58 PM

Originally Posted by flower81

she has enough.. believe me..
she is paying for other sons flight all the way from canada to scotland...
thats peeved me off abit!
We get nothin... but she pays a long haul flight for ther other son and his wife..

Sorry to hear that - but ultimately you may just have to accept that is how she is. You can't change her, you can only change your reaction to her. Is it worth getting resentful about it? In any case, I would suggest that your husband has to be the one to make any comments. But again, is it worth it?

ohsohappy · Oct 1, 2009, 12:14 AM

I think that if she accepts the marriage enough to buy the rings, then that's a gift in itself. That means she really welcoms you in to her family, and likes you. So what if she doesn't spend extra money on you. I'd be grateful for the rings. Wouldnt' even that be considered a wedding gift? Not only A wedding gift but THE wedding gift. I'm sure if you think about it, in buying the rings, she's spent much more on you than your friends did when they got you gifts.
It's not about how much money she's willing to spend on you, it's about the fact that she accepts you and is obvioulsy willing to do great favors for the both of you because she cares so much.
Even if she has enough money, it's hers to decide what she wants to do with it. So she's paying for her other son's and his wife's trip, she paid for your rings. Money wise, I bet you still got more money out of it.
How can you say you get NOTHING?