[Bwood804Va]

Okay I have this girl who has been my best friend for the past 2 years.We are really close and talk about everything and anything with each other. We got close last year in our senior year of hs and its just been a great friendship. Well I told her when we graduated that I was starting to have feelings for her and she said she has like me for awhile too.. But there was one BIG problem she had a boyfriend in a different state.. We hung out for 2 months over the summer(we didn't do anything sexual) we just hung out a lot and she told me that she really like me.. Well it didn't work out,she said that she just wasn't ready to leave him,I was heated and we didn't talk for a long while but then we became close friends again but that's it... Her and her boyfriend broke up this past February and lets just say I got cocky and thought she would just run to me... well didn't happen,I sat back too long and she found a new guy... It didn't bother me muchi was going out with other girls and just enjoying life... But this past month it really hit me how bad I won't to be with this girl.. We text almost everyday and have gone out to lunch a few times since she started dating this guy.. She sometimes would call me just to talk but I told myself I would not get in the situation that I did last summer... wella few nights ago I just unraveled my feelings for her and she reacted saying I'm glad you told me but you know I have a boyfriend but I really hope this doesn't ruin our friendship because you are my best friend etc... well I texted her back and told her that the best friend thing was cool but if I want something more than that maybe we just shouldn't be close friends anymore because its just going to hurt me to know that you have a boyfriend when I care about you so much... she told me to do what I had to do and I can tell she is upset and confused... sorry for the babbling,but I want to know was I wrong for potentially ruining our great friendship or did I do the right thing by spilling my feelings to her and wanting her more than just a friend?

Thanks,Brandon

[BlackVY]

I'm thinking it was good that you were honest with this girl, but I don't think your timing was the greatest.

You should have maybe waited till later to see if you still had such feelings for her, but regardless, you still should have waiting till she was single, because she IS with someone not, and you do not expect her to leave him for you. That's just not how its done.

I don't know what's going to happen here, as she is not happy about you not wanting to be her close friend anymore and so she loses you, and she didn't do anything wrong.

I think you should be her friend, as you always have. Though you spilled your guts to her, she took it reasonably well and still doesn't want it to ruin her friendship with you, so please don't let it ruin your friendship. Be her friend, as close as you were before, don't let things change just because she has a boyfriend and you like her. That's not being fair to her.

Keep your feelings for her in check and under control. Good luck

[Bwood804Va]

I understand exactly where your coming from,but how can I be friends with her when I want something more? I don't expect her to leave her boyfriend for me,but maybe with no communication for awhile things will come around.. Idk,this whole situation sucks.

[BlackVY]

You are right there, the situation sucks, and its true, you can't help who you have feelings for.

But the fact remains that she is with someone and that's not the best time to tell someone you like them. If she was your girlfriend and a friend of her's told her that he liked her, would you be OK with it?

If she starts to develop feelings for you, then it might cause problems for her and her current boyfriend.

I know it is not easy for you to be friends with her now that you have told her you have feelings for her and stuff, but in this case, since you are a close friend of hers, and she doesn't want to lose the friendship, you should remain her friend and not push her away because you like her but can't be with her.

You care for her as a friend right? So be there for her as a friend. Try your best to keep your feelings for her under wraps, and concentrate on just being her friend, spend time with other friends too, just try not to think about how much you want to be with her.

If it was meant to be, it will happen, but maybe not is just not the right time, and this is something you just cannot force

[ohsohappy]

Wait around as a friend for her. Stay just a friend until she is no longer with her boyfriend. Then give her some time to heal, and go for it. Just don't wait too long next time. And don't pressure her as soon as her other relationship is over. Be a good friend still. That's a desirable quality.

[Bwood804Va]

You're right. I guess its just tough when you care about someone so much you just want them all to yourself.I mean I told her I would still like to be friends but not as close as we are.Was I right for saying that?
Thanks for all your advice.

[BlackVY]

Wait around as a friend for her. Stay just a friend until she is no longer with her boyfriend. then give her some time to heal, and go for it. Just don't wait too long next time. and don't pressure her as soon as her other relationship is over. Be a good friend still. That's a desireable quality.

The only thing I worry about here is that if you are waiting for her to be single again or for things not to work out with her current boyfriend, then that means you don't have faith in her current relationship, and are waiting for the right time to pounce onto her.

If she sees that this is your intention, it will not end well, and I don't think this girl is that stupid. You may not even notice it yourself, but say she mentions to you that she is going through a hard time with her guy, hoping you will reassure her that things will work out, but instead if you act happy and mention that she should leave at the first issue they have, it shows your true intentions here...

Just be careful and be her friend, a real friend, and keep it at that while she is with this guy, nothing more, nothing less...

[BlackVY]

You're right. I guess its just tough when you care about someone so much you just want them all to yourself.I mean I told her I would still like to be friends but not as close as we are.Was I right for saying that?
Thanks for all your advice.

I know it must have been tough keeping things inside when you really want to be with her, but like I said, maybe the timing wasn't right. If she was single when you told her, things might have worked out for you differently. It is still a positive thing that she still wants to be friends, and when you mentioned that you don't want to be as close, she got upset.

I don't think its right to not be close to her. This doesn't make her feel good, and if you care for her as much as you said you do, then you'll put your feelings aside for her. Be her friends, be her close friend, as much as it pains you, just try your best. She will appreciate it

[Bwood804Va]

The only thing I worry about here is that if you are waiting for her to be single again or for things not to work out with her current boyfriend, then that means you don't have faith in her current relationship, and are waiting for the right time to pounce onto her.

If she sees that this is your intention, it will not end well, and I don't think this girl is that stupid. You may not even notice it yourself, but say she mentions to you that she is going through a hard time with her guy, hoping you will reassure her that things will work out, but instead if you act happy and mention that she should leave at the first issue they have, it shows your true intentions here...

Just be careful and be her friend, a real friend, and keep it at that while she is with this guy, nothing more, nothing less...

That's exactly how I have been because,yes, she is a very smart girl.Her parents don't like the guy at all and she tells me about it all the time. And I just tell her do what's best for you if you are happy with him continue the relationship.Even if its not what I want,I just want her to be happy.I have never been like don't date him or anything because that's just real low.

[Bwood804Va]

I know it must have been tough keeping things inside when you really want to be with her, but like I said, maybe the timing wasn't right. If she was single when you told her, things might have worked out for you differently. It is still a positive thing that she still wants to be friends, and when you mentioned that you don't want to be as close, she got upset.

I don't think its right to not be close to her. This doesn't make her feel good, and if you care for her as much as you said you do, then you'll put your feelings aside for her. Be her friends, be her close friend, as much as it pains you, just try your best. She will appreciate it

Yeah... well I'll text her and apoligize but I know things from here on out will be different but I will do my best to try to repair our strong friendship..

[BlackVY]

Thats exactly how I have been because,yes, she is a very smart girl.Her parents dont like the guy at all and she tells me about it all the time. And I just tell her do whats best for you if you are happy with him continue the relationship.Even if its not what i want,i just want her to be happy.I have never been like dont date him or anything because thats just real low.

That's really great to hear. This shows her that you are being a true friend, and maybe this is why she doesn't want to lose you as a friend. She knows you are not as low as other guys are, and you are thinking of her happiness rather than your own. That's a very admirable quality.

If her parents don't like the guy, then its between him, her and her parents. Your duty as her friend is to be there of her, no matter what.

If things get too hard for her with this guy and her parents, it will put pressure on their relationship and she will need you as a friend more than ever.

[ohsohappy]

The only thing I worry about here is that if you are waiting for her to be single again or for things not to work out with her current boyfriend, then that means you don't have faith in her current relationship, and are waiting for the right time to pounce onto her.

If she sees that this is your intention, it will not end well, and I don't think this girl is that stupid. You may not even notice it yourself, but say she mentions to you that she is going through a hard time with her guy, hoping you will reassure her that things will work out, but instead if you act happy and mention that she should leave at the first issue they have, it shows your true intentions here...

Just be careful and be her friend, a real friend, and keep it at that while she is with this guy, nothing more, nothing less...

Well, the way I meant it was that while he waits, he should still act like any good friend would. That means, like you said, try to console her when things are rough. And also, to let the relationship run it's course, and not try to sabotage it.

[talaniman]

Leave her alone, until you can cope with your own feelings better, and can accept she may never want more than friendship from you, no matter how long you know each other.

I don't think hanging around waiting for the right time to try again is healthy at all.

Dealing with your own feelings, in a positive way, you get to keep a good friend, with no hidden agendas on your part. (false hope?)

She did say do what you gotta do.

[Bwood804Va]

Leave her alone, until you can cope with your own feelings better, and can accept she may never want more than friendship from you, no matter how long you know each other.

I don't think hanging around waiting for the right time to try again is healthy at all.

Dealing with your own feelings, in a positive way, you get to keep a good friend, with no hidden agendas on your part. (false hope?)

She did say do what you gotta do.

While I understand where you're coming from,she had feelings for me our whole entire senior year.she told me this when I expressed my feelings toward her.so maybe now she just wants to be friends,but there has been a time when she wanted more than that.

[talaniman]

You have to admit, that time has come, and gone. It's a new day, and her feelings have changed.