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ame2love · Aug 22, 2009, 08:49 AM

I have twin 17 year old sons. Their father is not a part of their lives on a regular basis. One son is respectful and mature the majority of the time, the other son is the exact opposite. My dear son thinks he should never be away from his girlfriend, to the point she should accompany us to doctor visits! When he is near her he must put on a front that he hates me, his brother and anything with sense, when he is away from her he is nice and kind and responsible. I believe it is lack of maturity on his part to allow someone to sway him in this way and it is her lack of self esteem to be so 'clingy' with him. Any advice on how to show him the right path in a soft kind way?

moe43 · Aug 22, 2009, 09:38 AM

Im a teenager myself, who also does not have a father figure. I think your son is only acting this way towards his girlfriend because he is afraid he will be neglected like his father did to him. My parents split when I was 7 and I talk to my dad once a year (if he calls that is). Its hard because when you have someone that cares about you so much that just leaves you, you feel like you need to replace that person with another caring people figure in your life.

ame2love · Aug 22, 2009, 09:43 AM

Thank you, and that sounds about right. Is there a way to speak with him for him to understand that he needs to show respect to all (he knows full well we love him and will never leave him no matter what, I do believe this is some of why he feels he can be ugly towards me because I won't judge or leave him) and that this relationship is damaging his future dreams and goals?
I can not speak for his father but my sons have a terrific step father that takes them many places and lets them enjoy life--I know this is not the same though.

ame2love · Aug 22, 2009, 09:43 AM

Thank you, and that sounds about right. Is there a way to speak with him for him to understand that he needs to show respect to all (he knows full well we love him and will never leave him no matter what, I do believe this is some of why he feels he can be ugly towards me because I won't judge or leave him) and that this relationship is damaging his future dreams and goals?
I can not speak for his father but my sons have a terrific step father that takes them many places and lets them enjoy life--I know this is not the same though.

artlady · Aug 22, 2009, 09:47 AM

Whenever my son used to play that *attitude * thing to impress his friends,I would turn it around and shame him into behaving properly.
I said to a friend of his one day*Are you impressed with how nasty my son is behaving*?

To which she replied no and I then informed her that there is an old saying.

You will know how a man will treat you by the way he treats his mother.

I would tell him in no uncertain terms that you have feelings as well and he is hurting you and that is just unacceptable!

I think clingy is just a teenage problem that is only cured by maturity.

ame2love · Aug 22, 2009, 09:51 AM

I like that phrase, I will use it! I did end a lot of ugly behaviour earlier this year with 'if you saw someone treating me or talking to me in that manner what would you do?' the reply was of course that he would stop them from being rude... that was quite an aide but yours is excellent! And yes the clingy part I do recall from being a teen I lived a life that I do not want him to live and I try to show him that by example. It is a shame that my sons act on occasion like their father did--all without really knowing him at all.

Thank you for the advice!

artlady · Aug 23, 2009, 03:27 PM

Originally Posted by ame2love

I like that phrase, I will use it! I did end a lot of ugly behaviour earlier this year with 'if you saw someone treating me or talking to me in that manner what would you do?' the reply was of course that he would stop them from being rude... that was quite an aide but yours is excellent! And yes the clingy part I do recall from being a teen I lived a life that I do not want him to live and I try to show him that by example. It is a shame that my sons act on occasion like their father did--all without really knowing him at all.

Thank you for the advice!

I have said that to mine as well! LOL!

Because MOST of the time I am respected so I know they know when they have crossed a line:)

The older they get ,well, the issues change but this time will pass! Different issues.

As the Mom's we have to show them how to treat women and then they won't follow an immature guy pattern.

If they are left to their own devices,forget it!

Young guys are lost when it comes to females.

They need our help !