[britEl]

I was not sure what topic to put this under!
Anyway,
I have a problem where even the tiniest thing a person could say to me that might be rude, or arrogant it extremely bugs me and makes me angry, it bugs me so much to the point where it affects my life. I will constantly think about it, constantly talk about it, and it just makes me completely sick to my stomach and I don't know why. Even if someone over this website said something rude or ignorant towards me I go bizerk (sorry don't know the spelling)!
Do you think I may just be to sensitive (if so how can I stop this and grow a thicker skin?! ) or is this reaction normal like when someone says something rude to me, I will retaliate, and I won't stop until I win and if I don't win I DON'T stop and I really hate that side of me but its just something I seem to not be able to control!

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I used to be the same way too. You can call it sensitive or you can call it caring. You might care too much, about what other people think of you. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. But this is how I used to be. I just learned that I am #1, and to make myself my first priority. Once you care enough about yourself, you;ll care less about what people who don't know you think. How old are you? I also learned this with age. Do you also cry a lot? I used to cry all the time, to the point where it was stupid. I honestly remember crying one time cause the seam on my sock with right at the tip of my toes instead of on top of them. You may also need a hobby, something that will take your mind in a different direction. Focus on something.

If you are someone that tends to "over-care" focus your energy in a positive way to accentuate this feature of your personality. In my case, I'm a caregiver. I don't really think that one needs to be explained. I also use recycled materials to make jewelry and accessories, that's me caring for the environment ((and people's fashion sense, hehe)). You get the picture.

Hope this helps!

[artlady]

We all have a sense of self preservation.

If someone slights us ,it is offensive and we defend ourself.

When we take it too far and have to be right at all costs then it becomes a problem.

Dr.Phil likes to say*would you rather be right or be happy*?
I think that is an important point.

I think some people who are lacking in self esteem feel a need to prove themselves and go to extremes to do so.

I also think a tough skin comes with maturity.The knowledge that not everyone is going to agree with you and like you and appreciate you.

Life is too short to waste on trivial matters.When you have to be right or you have to win,you are missing out on an opportunity for personal growth.

It takes confidence to say,I was wrong,I'm human,I learned and I will do better next time.

Being aware is a great beginning.You can now look at a situation and say *What is it that I am afraid of that is making me behave this way*?

Its self destructive and the bottom line is in the end ,what did you win?

[britEl]

Thank you ladies, I am 18, my hobby is singing (if you can say that's a hobby?)
I have really been trying to put myself as #1 and forget about what others think, but its really hard, I suppose that with practice and patience I will eventually get to where I want to be. Also I may be like this because high school was really unpleasant for me but I have been trying to put it far behind me and slowly I'm letting it all go but some things even from then still bug me.. oh well like you said artlady "dont sweat the petty stuff" :)

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Don't pet the sweaty stuff either ;)

Singing is an AWESOME hobby!

[Starry nights]

Thank you ladies, i am 18, my hobby is singing (if you can say thats a hobby?)
I have really been trying to put myself as #1 and forget about what others think, but its really hard, i suppose that with practice and patience i will eventually get to where i want to be. Also i may be like this because high school was really unpleasant for me but i have been trying to put it far behind me and slowly I'm letting it all go but some things even from then still bug me.. oh well like you said artlady "dont sweat the petty stuff" :)

Over-sensitive people tend to get more hurt by people's insensitivities and rude behaviour.Its ironical that when we are kids,our parents teach us to be sensitive and caring.I suppose the real world teaches us how to strike a balance between being sensitive and smart at the same time.

When you start feeling out of control at somebody's rudeness and insensitivity,just take a moment to think"Do I want to feel upset about this or can I let it pass?Is it worth my tears/my feelings to make something out of this silly remark or bahaviour?"

Rationalising in this way takes your mind off the issue for the moment,puts things in perspective and saves you a lot of hurt.

[Zlata]

Hi,
Stupidity of others used to aggro me when I was younger... until now I do not find much patience for it... :D What helped me was to understand that what strangers and idiots think is totally irrelevant for me, thus I do not care what those say.
My sweetheart told me: "Do not answer idiots and let them talk...they will hang themself".
It works :D

[I wish]

Thank you ladies, i am 18

Though at 18, you may feel that you are very grown up, there's still a lot out there that you'll learn, whether you want to learn it or not. We continuously grow as a person, even in our 30s, 40s and so on.

At least you've noticed these aspects about yourself and want to change. That's definitely a huge first step and it doesn't stop there. So just keep an OPEN MIND and keep learning.

[Gemini54]

I agree mostly with what the other posters have said. I am however concerned by your statement that...

when someone says something rude to me, I will retaliate, and I won't stop until I win and if I don't win I DON'T stop

It sounds to me as if you have a fragile ego and when you perceive a threat to your ego - such as rudeness or arrogance - you go into a massive over-reaction to protect yourself. This may be because you've had difficult experiences in high school - or it could be the way that you've trained yourself to respond because you know no other way to protect what is essentially deeply felt insecurity.

The good thing is that you're aware of it and, I hope, the effect that it has on other people. I would imagine that being in a relationship with you would be extremely difficult. The hard question is - what are you prepared to do to stop behaving in this way?

Remember that words and attitudes of other people are just that. You don't have any control over how other people behave. It's your response to them that you have control over. You can choose to respond to a perceived slight, or you can choose not to.

You might also keep in mind that when we are highly sensitive to what we believe are other people's rudeness and/or criticism, we often see rudeness or criticism where none exists.

Additionally, other people can often be brusque or insensitive, and it has nothing to do with you. Try viewing these people with compassion rather than anger.

Next time you feel like retaliating, focus on keeping your mouth closed. You may still think the thoughts, but start by choosing not to say anything.