[chicago95]

Another question. If you and her had been dating for two years...why hasn't she left her husband yet? Why wouldn't her husband leave her yet?

Great Q. Finally! She doesn't want to be the one to initiate the divorce. And her husband doesn't believe in divorce. Soo, might he change his beliefs if he really knew what was going on??

And re: be hurt and ruin the marriage. I didn't ruin the marriage. She has... but rather he killed it along time ago by not ever being intimate with her and telling her he married her probably just for convenience or companionship. Nice guy eh?

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I'm sorry, that's a BS excuse. She obviously wants to be married to him and wants to date you. And that's the best excuse that she could come up with to convince you that she cares.

Perhaps her marriage wasn't picture perfect before, but you are definitely not doing it any good. Why is it ANY of YOUR business how her marriage runs? It's not. THEY are married. THEY made that commitment to each other (for whatever reason). You're an intruder. Again I say, leave her alone.

[jmjoseph]

FYI, she returned my call at first and since then has been most of the pursuing. AND her husband IS aware...but not aware of all that is going on. It's that inaction on his part that she wishes would change so she doesn't have initiate the divorce. But she just may and so that's why she's goin' go counselor (non-marry) so she's confident in her decision. Divorce is a big thing for her and to trust someone who broke her heart...well you get the point.

Divorce is a big thing, but she sure doesn't have a problem with adultery. His inaction? What do you and her want him to do?

"her husband IS aware, but not aware of all that is going on" What does this mean? That he knows that you exist, but he doesn't know that you're nailing his wife?

After all these posts, what is it that you're looking for? Help to steal this guys wife?

[chicago95]

Divorce is a big thing, but she sure doesn't have a problem with adultery. His inaction? What do you and her want him to do?

"her husband IS aware, but not aware of all that is going on" What does this mean? That he knows that you exist, but he doesn't know that you're nailing his wife?

After all these posts, what is it that you're looking for? Help to steal this guys wife?

I'm lookin' for agreement maybe that she should tell him what's really going on. I'm lookin' for maybe any experience where this has happened and the husband does leave or file for divorce. I find it hard to believe that he'd be fine and let it continue. She says he loves her and cares for her but both his actions toward her and hers toward him convey otherwise. I guess she couldn't even tell him she loved him when he told her he loved her.

I'm looking for agreement in my belief that if he knew what has transpired and had her best interests at hand that he'd grow a pair and give her the divorce she wants. Because right now she thinks she has to categorically dislike every aspect of him to divorce... and all of us know that that is a ridiculous idea. You look at what's best for you and what will make you happy in this life right?

[ChihuahuaMomma]

When one door closes, another opens. You can't exit one door while walking through the other at the same time.

These are things for HER to figure out. If you want to be there for her while she does, fine. Do that as a friend. Seems to be that you are taken advantage of her being so hurt and discontent.

No one here is going to tell you how to dissolve her marriage. If she wants to bad enough she will.

[amicon]

I ll try not to be too blunt but she says she loves you and she wants to be with you and she does nt love her husband?action speaks louder than words.if she really wanted to be with you-she d be with you.there s more than one dog buried here:a whole kennel.you need some space away from this you need to sort out your priorities.ten years from now are you still going to hang around and wait for her divorce?

[chicago95]

When one door closes, another opens. You can't exit one door while walking through the other at the same time.

These are things for HER to figure out. If you want to be there for her while she does, fine. Do that as a friend. Seems to be that you are taken advantage of her being so hurt and discontent.

No one here is going to tell you how to dissolve her marriage. If she wants to bad enough she will.

That's what I'm lookin' for kind of. I know she can't marry me while married to him (door analogy). Well aware of that. (We're in our 30's and he's near 50). And no every step of the way I've made sure it's what she wanted. The power has been always hers. Not looking for how to dissolve marriage. Thank you. Though I still hold that if he knew what was going on... if her parents truly knew, she'd do something or he would do something.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Maybe she doesn't want her parents to know because she doesn't want them to know she's cheating on her husband. Or that her boyfriend is trying to dissolve her marriage.

Just remember actions speak louder than words. She has stated she wants to divorce him but made no effort towards it.

Why do you want to be with someone who OBVIOUSLY doesn't see a future with you in the long run. You might see it, but what you are portraying to us says: "She wants to be married and play the field at the same time."

She's been married 6 years and dating you for 2. Do you think this is the first time that she has done this?

[chicago95]

Maybe she doesn't want her parents to know because she doesn't want them to know she's cheating on her husband. Or that her boyfriend is trying to dissolve her marriage.

Just remember actions speak louder than words. She has stated she wants to divorce him but made no effort towards it.

Why do you want to be with someone who OBVIOUSLY doesn't see a future with you in the long run. You might see it, but what you are portraying to us says: "She wants to be married and play the field at the same time."

She's been married 6 years and dating you for 2. Do you think this is the first time that she has done this?

First marriage counseling has failed twice. So that avenue is closed. Second, he's told her that he's not going to change and to accept his walls, lack of intimacy/attraction toward her. So that's out in the open. So she has since been seeing a counselor in order to get "the tools she needs" to divorce (therp. Quote, not mine.) So aren't these actions of her moving toward me? She see a future in the long run for us... she's verbalized it many times. Says all this is happening for a reason... (yet another reason why she's seeking counseling. And yes, this is the first, last, and only time she'll ever do this. That I'm 1,000% certain. Wouldn't be there for her if I wasn't.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Just because there are signs (to you) of her moving away from him doesn't mean that she is moving towards you. She's married, this isn't your business in the first place.

How do you know this is the only time this has happened? Cause she says so? She also says she wants to leave her husband, has she? She always says she wants to be with just you, is she? NO. Get the hint. She is throwing it at you and we are spelling it out for you. You just don't get it.


Maybe marriage counseling has failed twice because there are more than two people in this marriage.

[none12345]

Great Q. Finally! She doesn't want to be the one to initiate the divorce. And her husband doesn't believe in divorce. Soo, might he change his beliefs if he really knew what was going on???

Dude... do you see something wrong here? They will never get a divorce if this is the situation. You could be waiting forever. All those fairytales in the movies like the notebook or whatever that preaches that one who loves another so much and would wait forever and in the end if they become your's its all worth it, is BS. That's what I believed at first but what if they never come around. You throw away your life. There's only one shot at life so don't waste it man.

[none12345]

So the question is, are you going to continue pursuing a woman that is married and not your's and hope for the best?

Or are you going to move on and find a new girl and don't hope for the best because you have the best and she is all yours?

Those are pretty much the 2 choices you can make. I say the 2nd one.

[chicago95]

Just because there are signs (to you) of her moving away from him doesn't mean that she is moving towards you. She's married, this isn't your business in the first place.

How do you know this is the only time this has happened? Cause she says so? She also says she wants to leave her husband, has she? She always says she wants to be with just you, is she? NO. Get the hint. She is throwing it at you and we are spelling it out for you. You just don't get it.


Maybe marriage counseling has failed twice because there are more than two people in this marriage.

Yes she says so. And I trust her word... just got to "trust me on that." And both marriage counseling sessions were init. By her and she had to drag him. So what does that say? Secondly, when that counselor told her in order for her marr. To have a chance I'd have to leave. She asked if I'd give her that. I did and after 1 week she collapsed and realized having me out of her life was not an option she was willing to accept. So here I am. I will wait for her because I don't want to put myself in a similar situation. I'd always be comparing and make another girls life miserable.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

You trust her word? She's a married woman dating you, obviously she isn't the most honest person.

The fact that she had to drag him to marriage counseling says, "Guys don't want to admit what they have isn't perfect, nor do they want someone else making that jusgement. Especially if that person went to school on the matter and is right."

Again, I say she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She's a selfish person.

She wants to keep her husband around because he offers her things that you don't and vice versa.

[none12345]

Yes she says so. And I trust her word...just gotta "trust me on that." And both marriage counseling sessions were init. by her and she had to drag him. So what does that say? Secondly, when that counselor told her in order for her marr. to have a chance I'd have to leave. She asked if I'd give her that. I did and after 1 week she collapsed and realized having me out of her life was not an option she was willing to accept. So here I am. I will wait for her b/c I don't want to put myself in a similar situation. I'd always be comparing and make another girls life miserable.

If that is your decision, it is your life and we won't tell you what to do but we've gave our advice, whether you take it, its your decision.

There's nothing more we can do here. And quite frankly to answer your question about my love triangle, it lasted for about a year. I was the guy originally with the girl. She fell for someone else and left me but I was holding on tightly but then I decided to let her go and be happy and in my heart I know I was the one that loved her the most and she threw that away for some other guy.

So I do not sympathize with you trying to take another guy's girl away. I've been there and I know how it feels. There will be tons of drama awaiting you in the future. Be prepared.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I give up. Obviously no one here is going to convince you what you are doing is SO wrong. But when you come back heart broken cause she decided to work it out with her husband and let go of your leash, expect a whole bunch of "I told you so's".

Good day.

[talaniman]

When are you going to think for yourself, and realize you're the dude on the side, and she feeds you the same lines every cheating husband feeds their mistresses?

You have presented no facts whatsoever to the contrary. More over all this for a liar, and a cheater. Even if you leave she can find another toy to play with, so what kind of future would you have with her?

[sully123]

I guarantee if you would do the right thing and step away and let her marriage work, without NC she will go on with her life. Can you be a man and do this ? Your like fixed or obessed with this girl, its actually scary. Downright controlling...

[chicago95]

You trust her word? She's a married woman dating you, obviously she isn't the most honest person.

The fact that she had to drag him to marriage counseling says, "Guys don't want to admit what they have isn't perfect, nor do they want someone else making that jusgement. Especially if that person went to school on the matter and is right."

Again, I say she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She's a selfish person.

She wants to keep her husband around because he offers her things that you don't and vice versa.

I fully trust her word. And true her husband offers her things I don't. But it seems I offer far more than him as her main crutch to staying with him is that "he's not all bad". But she says she loves me so maybe I need to take that last leap of faith and trust in God that he will show her the way toward me as I wait in the wilderness.

[sully123]

Sorry but God isn't going to bring you together with all the faith and trust you have in him. She is committing adultery, and your destroying her marriage. Bottom line, you're the reason her marriage isn't working. It won't sit with God.