Tell us how you are now !

kctiger · Aug 3, 2009, 08:06 AM

2-6 Months Post Breakup: Extremely hurt, confused and lost.

Now: Never been happier.

To be truly confident and happy with yourself is absolutely paramount in life.

Ithappenstoall · Aug 5, 2009, 03:01 AM

TO all those going through a breakup, hope you will read this and it will give you a reality check, we all went through what you are going and are now better than we ever were with our ex. Use this to help you move on.

Best regards.

paxe · Aug 5, 2009, 06:16 AM

It's really tough on the beginning but the pain DOES go down after a while with NC.

TexasLonghorn · Aug 5, 2009, 06:50 AM

Well its been 1.5 months since the break-up (his cheating).

Oh those first couple of weeks I would not wish on my worst enemy. The 24/7 thinking about him and the crying. However, you have to go through it.

The past couple days have been good days. I am back eating right, exercising and hanging with new people and old friends. Do I miss him sometimes? Sure. Do I miss doing all the work in the relationship? No. Do I miss the fights over his going out? Nope.

Do I miss the trips and cuddling on the couch together? You bet... but I know he is not the only person I have and will travel with... and if I want to cuddle with someone really bad I will borrow a friend's dog.. lol

I am not at the point where I can look at pictures of us but that is Ok... that time will come.

Counseling was so key for me. It helped me realize so much. I have learned some things about myself that I will need in the next relationship. I learned that I need to be his #1 priority because if I love him he probably will be mine.

I have yet to see the ex since this happened. I am not looking forward to that but I know I am in a better position to handle it now then I was... however I know it still will not be fun.

During this break-up period if you feel sad... be sad... go ahead and cry... it's OK. Feel your feelings do not try to suppress them as that causes more anxiety.

Remember a set-back is a set-up for something better!

amicon · Aug 31, 2009, 12:57 AM

Amazing I found this post when I most needed it.breakup about eight weeks ago-NC since a couple of days after BU. I realised very quickly that it was over for good and went through the tears,well still shed the odd one-the depression-waking up and having to jump into my routines so as not to stay in bed-remembering the good times-more tears there-making the lists pros(about 5!)cons (many more)-writing letters in my mind-of course never sent any etc etc. Today I'm struggling with my being angry with myself for not allowing myself to act upon all the red flags that were there a lot sooner.and I ll live through this as well.

paxe · Aug 31, 2009, 01:24 AM

Don't be so harsh on yourself healing takes some time. Eight weeks is a long time but you will get over it. Are you going to the gym everyday? Are you trying to go out as much as you can? Taking a new hobby or activity? Healing is all about taking an active role and not just waiting for time to help you heal.

amicon · Aug 31, 2009, 01:38 AM

Thanks paxe-yes I keep busy-and see friends-and I'm in therapy so I'm doing OK. I'm trying to work on my own issues and love myself.today s post was my impatience speaking-my heart needs to understand what my head knows. :-)

jmw0713 · Aug 31, 2009, 07:57 AM

11 months and I'm fine and dandy. I've got so many things coming up, I am having trouble fitting everything in my schedule. I almost need an event planner now!

inertia · Aug 31, 2009, 09:05 AM

It's been a year for me. I'm fine now. Personality back, bigger and better and all that jazz. Confident again. I was a rollercoaster for a while. I'd hate her and then love her. Now when I think about her, there is no physiological or emotional reaction. Having said that, I wouldn't mind forgetting about her completely. Probably won't happen till I "fall" again. Also, I don't think I wish her well. I know it sounds terrible. I don't wish her ill either. I just hope she grows the F up. I fear it would take something drastic though. She is a pretty confused person and I see her leaving a wake of destruction in her path. Is that wrong? Wishing that she change for her benefit after a year. If she became a better person, I'd wish her well and be happy for her. If she stays the same, she deserves the mess of a life she creates. BTW, I only know what she's up to because our families are close. I'm not specifically updated or anything though.

So yeah, I'm over the relationship. However, I haven't forgiven her and if she never changes, I never completely will.

amicon · Aug 31, 2009, 09:42 AM

Don't waste energy thinking about her present actions-whether or not she changes is her problem not yours.

inertia · Aug 31, 2009, 10:04 AM

Sometimes the blunt responses on this forum are insulting. I'm not "wasting energy". If asked about my ex, that's my feeling. Can't help how I feel. Of course it's her problem. Folks always say you know you are really over it when you wish them well. I don't. That's my point. I feel over it though. Maybe I'm just not magnanimous enough to wish her life is all peaches and cream. If I were robbed, I would want the robber to do time. If I'm betrayed, I want that person to eventually learn how wrong their actions were. I don't speak this way out loud. When asked, I try to sound as humble about things as I can. On this forum, honestly, I just don't really feel that way. I guess I'm just a bitter and resentful person.

jmw0713 · Aug 31, 2009, 11:11 AM

It's OK to be bitter, but just don't let it carry over to other people or relationships.

paxe · Aug 31, 2009, 02:47 PM

I think being bitter is OK if you think about a past ex, we just can't help it. If someone was in the wrong and gave us pain, we are just not going to forget it but we won't dwell on it.

I do think about my ex from time to time without it affecting too much. I think it's normal for a 3 year relationship? I mean for long term relationship we passed a lot of time and it was an important part of my life, I don't believe I can just forget it, but my feelings can disappear I believe.

Ithappenstoall · Sep 23, 2009, 12:55 AM

Anyone else want to vent or share

amicon · Sep 23, 2009, 01:30 AM

This is a good post.
Where do I find myself today?
Mostly thankful that my relationship is over , I wasn't happy-sometimes lonely even though I keep busy but mostly optimistic and enjoying my life.
I'm glad I found this site and all the great people here.
Proud of myself for quickly realising it was over and not falling into the trap of wanting to flog a dead horse.
Thanks again. :-)

Ithappenstoall · Sep 23, 2009, 02:20 AM

Good for you Amicon , this is great work.
Keep it up. We all go through this at some point in our lives, breakups are part of life and make us stronger and better person at the end, and we eventually find that special someone

makapuu · Sep 23, 2009, 02:44 AM

I thank god that I didn't get married to any of my ex boyfriends. I'm much happier in my current relationship.

paxe · Sep 23, 2009, 06:36 AM

The real question now is how to live alone and single life. How to really enjoy it without desperation and all those questions coming in your head: "Am I going to find someone?".
I'd really like to appreciate to be single for a good amount of time, without my brain telling me to look for something. Any hints people?

kctiger · Sep 23, 2009, 06:39 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

The real question now is how to live alone and single life. How to really enjoy it without desperation and all those questions coming in your head: "Am I going to find someone?".
I'd really like to appreciate to be single for a good amount of time, without my brain telling me to look for something. Any hints people?

This is probably the toughest thing I ever had to learn. It comes with experience and actually building a very productive life that doesn't revolve around being with someone. Volunteer more, get another job, go to school, just do something to make yourself more valuable. It is all cliché advice, but that is all I have. I mean, there are sometimes when I worry myself if I will EVER love another woman like I loved my ex, but I think those thoughts are normal at times. We just can't let them consume us. Give yourself more credit and be more patient with yourself.

paxe · Sep 23, 2009, 06:50 AM

Yea you're right KC, I assume it's due to our genetics to actually BE with someone and it is very hard to fight it. It's actually great to be single and we really need some time alone, but for some reason I'm always thinking about girls and I assume most singles guys out there are doing the same thing.

I have to say it does help to concentrate in class, volunteering, sport, going out with friends, having generally a good time.

I guess I would say for all of you, set yourself a goal or a dream and try to achieve it, the fact of not being with someone will make you grow faster in life. Whenever I'm thinking too much about the opposite sex, I picture myself doing my goals or achieving my dreams, and it is much better than having someone.