[Ithappenstoall]

For all of you :
Who have been through a breakup and were once : lost, confused, miserable, depressed

But now a few months or year(s) later have healed and are now the person you used to be (with more maturity and experience), I thought it would great to share some of your thoughts (keep it brief) on the healing process and what has helped you the most.

In addition I thought it would also be interesting if you guys would share some of your new romances or just enlighten some who are still stuck and are having trouble moving on.

I am sure it will help a lot of people reading if some of us have exciting and positive stories to share.

Thanks for sharing everyone!

[Nestorian]

Haha, happy well you be the judge of that.

My first girlfriend left me for some one else after 4 years, good run eh? I was rather hysterical and a wreack back then. I got by because an old school mate, whom I took to, for what ever reason helped me a lot. I"m luckey she was there. Any way, i also started to go out more, and hang with friends, guys and girls a like. Then i left that city we lived in, for my home town and family and other friends.

Upon getting a new job i was shy quiet, and timmid. well, I never thought much of myself, till i was told that this girl was interested in me, no we never did date. She had recently broke up with her BF, then they got back together. Then I met some one else, still things didnt' work out. Then i met another girl at school, college, and we because great friends. She called me when she and her BF had troubles or just to hang, and i called her to hang out or if i was lonely. Then there was the girl i met in a bar (not the place i usually go, and deffinately not to meet girls) but now we are fast friends. Then I met another girl, man she was hot. well is hot. She is fun and funney as hell too, crazy like me. Any way we didn't really date but did. Any way we broke it off and that was that.

There is more to all this but, till all this happened i never thought i'd be attractive to women, turns out i was so very wrong. I"m not hot , but I'm not unatractive either. I don't suggest hooking up with so many girls going from one to another, but give yourself some extra time to feel out yourself. I still talk to the girls, not my first and only GF, but the ones after. I spend time with friends and family and just go out have fun, try to refrain from drinking lots, not very healthy.

And get into clubs or sports you like, never know who you'll meet. Good luck all. Feel free to comment.

[Jiser]

My first girlfriend broke up with me Feb 2007, tried to maintain "a friendship" from about may 07-july07 but I couldn't do it as she had me wrapped round her little finger still so I finally cut off all contact and then I started to finally move on. Took me just over a year to finally get her out of my head. I still think of her time to time. Best thing I could have done though is Nc. Time really helped.

Now Ive met a girl when in canada/u.s. on a group tour, unfortunately we live it at the end points of our respective countries and its hard to get any meeting dates out of her. I Hopefully it will work out as I really like her but now I know you can always move on!! It just requires time, staying busy and NC! Also it shows me I can meet other people, you just got to get out there and do something different (like travelling).

[Ithappenstoall]

Well thanks for sharing. I am sure it will help a lot of people.
In my case broke up from my serious realtioship a few months now, and I can tell all of you that getting busy and forcing myself not to think about it helped a lot. If sometimes I was stuck thinking about her I would either come on this website and read posts or I would call someone and just talk and let it out I can tell that after a while you start getting annoyed and you start to forget.
During this time I also have met other people and nothing but happened but that is because I am still not ready for it. But hope is there as there are so many people out there that as they get to know you will want to be with you.

Don't despair, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[chuff]

I think you sort of go through stages, I myself go through depression, then anxiety or missing them, and then usually anger when I start to realize some of the things I've done. Time, NC, and just doing different things helps heal the wounds. It sucks at first but it can be overcome.

[Ithappenstoall]

Yeah I went through a depression stage as well, I was like a zombie (similar to your profile pic :)) where people would talk to me and I would not even comprehend what they would say. It was hell. But it does get better and you start to realize the faults of the other and not blame yourself anymore, and everntually you start laughing and being more outgoing, and Bam you are cured

[ka1111]

It's more about yourself that the other person.Instead of trying hard not to think of her (which is actually thinking of her... ),I just tried to understand what I did wrong,take full responsibility of my mistakes honestly,and learn that lesson.It's sort of a good feeling cause you come out of a really bad situation more conscious and smart and richer.It's important to not miss that lesson I think,or else you go through all that sh!t for nothing.The way I approached my situation?It was all my fault.
Forf me,it wasn't a case of becoming anything,but rather remembering myself,who I really am.I'm not stupid enough to think it will all be nice and dandy fron now on,but at least I'm not going to make the same mistakes again.

[niceguy32]

I agree with the last post. My ex girlfriend left me 4 months ago and at the time all I wanted to do was blame her. I looked for reasons that weren't there and I finally realised that she was recently out of a bad relationship and I was too pushy and demanding at the time. Our romance was whirlwind and I kept pushing more and more to see her.
She finally took a step back and we did catch up from time to time. However, she's an ex now for a reason and I've walked away understanding that there were a variety of reasons that we didn't succeed. At least I can now take this with me into any future relstionships and not make the same mistakes twice.

[chuff]

Yeah I went thru a depression stage as well, I was like a zombie (similar to your profile pic :))

Hey that's my best photo!

But it does get better and you start to realize the faults of the other and not blame yourself anymore, and everntually you start laughing and being more outgoing, and Bam you are cured

The best part is when you quit lying to yourself about how perfect she was and you start to see the person she really was because when you get there you suddenly say "Hey wait a minute some of these thing were lies I created for her but they are not reality." When you start to see the reality of the person it can make you happy just knowing they have faults and problems that you are not responsible for anymore.

[Ithappenstoall]

When you start to see the reality of the person it can make you happy just knowing they have faults and problems that you are not responsible for anymore.

Absolutely, I realized a lot of her faults a month ago now( since my breakup was relatively recent) and it cheers me up. What also opened my eyes one day (also around a month ago) was when I tried wriiting all the good and bad things about her, and guess what I found more bad things to say. That made me realize that all the things I really wanted in her where not there. On top of that she had so many moments where she would be insecure and start arguing for really silly things which would drive me crazy, and I am a really patient guy (believe me ), so I can only hope for this new guys lol after the honeymoon stage (if it still goes on )

[Ithappenstoall]

When you start to see the reality of the person it can make you happy just knowing they have faults and problems that you are not responsible for anymore.

Absolutely, I realized a lot of her faults a month ago now( since my breakup was relatively recent) and it cheers me up. What also opened my eyes one day (also around a month ago) was when I tried wriiting all the good and bad things about her, and guess what I found more bad things to say. That made me realize that all the things I really wanted in her were not there. On top of that she had so many moments where she would be insecure and start arguing for really silly things which would drive me crazy, and I am a really patient guy (believe me ), so I can only hope for this new guy lol after the honeymoon stage (if it still goes on )

[chuff]

I tried wriiting all the good and bad things about her, and guess what I found more bad things to say.

I did the same thing! In fact I didn't even waste my time on the good things I just wrote the bad, not only does that help your brain point out some of the logical truths your emotions are lying about it helps get it out and on paper. When I felt down I would look at it and immediately feel better.

[nickshehe]

Went out for under a year, broke up and I went NC for 6 months, we rarely/randomly talk online once in a while... I'm still single and whoring myself about when I can :] I'd like to invest in a relationship but no decent girls are coming my way.. I still miss her sometimes but I know its because I haven't found anyone else.

[busterite]

She started having feelings for someone else and hooked up with him before breaking it off with me. We broke up 2 months ago after dating for 3 years. I went through hell and remember that I felt completely numb and I would analyse things 24-7. It was constantly on my mind and whenever I was out with people I felt like a zombie. I felt like I would never escape the feeling and the thought of never being able to be with her the same way again drove me crazy. I took a friends advice and took it one day at a time. I am a bit of a control freak so could not come to terms with the idea of not knowing where my life was heading. I decided to let things go for a while. The result is that I got to know a new group of people that I never used to hang out with and ended up having a great time with them. I have even started talking to a great girl who seems to be interested although I am not sure whether I am ready to jump into anything new yet. All of a sudden people I hadn't contacted for a while where contacting me wanting to hang out, although they didn't know anything about my situation. I must say that I still think of her and really do miss her although I am scared that I will never be able to face her again after the way she handled all this. The whole point is that if you slowly decide to let go of the past and not worry too much about the future then you never know what might come your way.

[Ithappenstoall]

Any new people want to vent here is your chance

[COCADA]

well after 6 months of breaking up, I am still having a hard time letting go , I don't know what to do , I don't feel like myself , I am noy ME. I used to be such a vastly happy girl , even way before I met him, everything used to excite me, I mean everything, flowers, the sun.. etc. and right know I am going through something unknown, something I never felt before, I feel depressed all the time, I am losing weight, I don't get hungry, I want to sleep all day, I feel like I am doing everything in AUTO mode, I don't get thrilled with anything. I just can't find myself and that is exasperating! I send him a text like once evry two weeks, just random stuff, like things I remember from him. I am just going through such a horrible time, and I just want the pain to go away.

[fornow]

I am only a few months into my break up ( his cheating) and do very well at trying not to dwell on stuff, the trick is to keep busy, but the hard thing is that this recession makes it harder. I left a job and home and now it is difficult to find work, many distractions cost money, (joining a gym etc) but I have signed up to college classes and a language course, as soon as I get a new job I am sure it will be easier... but being unemployed means losts of hours alone, plus he texts me about 1 month asking me to instant chat - I make excuses busy or something, but he has gone out of his way to inform me he is in a new relationship... and does not want me back, even thou I have never broached the subject and he is the contactee !- I am tempted to try this NC - as my heart drops when I see a text from him, wondering what next he will tell me - me,. I don't want to hear how happy he is... I am 7,000 miles away from him... unemployed and trying to recover... so now its got to be the NC thing, but my reluctance is that he will know then that I do still care? Surely if I did not I would be able to accept his texts in good spirit?

[paxe]

This is my 4 month after the break up (ex-gf cheated on me and then dumped me). My life made a 180 degree turn to the better. I ate better, lost weight, gain a lot of confidence, gain attraction, am more focused. I got some girls stories but now it's mostly dead. It's mostly due because I don't have a lot of cash to go out since I'm a student.

[Ithappenstoall]

This is great stuff people. Good to see that there is progress. Remember time heals all wounds. Don't forget you are not the first nor the last to have been in this situation. From my personal experience I have come a long way from my previous long term relationship and am now in the best one yet, even if it changed to a long distance now. Nut my point being these things happened for a reason, I am so thankful that I am not with my ex girlfriend anymore, and you will eventually be like that

[paxe]

This is great stuff people. Good to see that there is progress. Remember time heals all wounds. Don't forget you are not the first nor the last to have been in this situation. From my personal experience i have come a long way from my previous long term relationship and am now in the best one yet, even if it changed to a long distance now. Nut my point being these things happened for a reason, I am so thankful that i am not with my ex gf anymore, and you will eventually be like that

Agreed! Life IS better without the exes. The hard part after the break up is to try to be happy alone. Happiness is not defined with who you are.