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Galv84 · Aug 4, 2009, 11:57 AM

Ok here's a question. My wife is 4 months pregnant and we have been married for a month. We are both in the military and I was transferred to another state. I went back to see her and everything was fine for the first weekend. We got married and then all of a sudden I start getting the silent treatment and our communications pretty much stopped. We were always able to talk about anything. I understand that she's pregnant, her hormones are sky high. Me not being close anymore I believe has an effect. I have tried to keep this marriage going, and I love her very much and am very supportive of her. Now she wants either an anulment or a divorce. What can I do to stop this from happening? Any answers or suggestions or help would be greatly appreciated.

JudyKayTee · Aug 4, 2009, 12:03 PM

You can try to talk her out of it. In the event you are served with papers you can contest the separation or divorce. If she is positive that this is what she wants, however, you can only slow the process. You cannot stop it.

Some of this will depend on the grounds she is using in the State where she is filing - does she have grounds?

Galv84 · Aug 4, 2009, 12:13 PM

I don't know what grounds she would use. She won't tell me anything except that she wanted an anulment.

JudyKayTee · Aug 4, 2009, 12:57 PM

If she's talking about an annulment she has to claim that there were reasons one or the other of you couldn't enter into a marriage at the time you did.

Unfortunately, you will find out when you are served with papers.

cadillac59 · Aug 4, 2009, 07:23 PM

Originally Posted by Galv84

I don't know what grounds she would use. She won't tell me anything except that she wanted an anulment.

Annulments requires grounds but most states have no-fault divorce, which means you need show nothing more than "irreconcilable differences" (or that the marriage is "irretrievably broken" in some places) to get a divorce.

talaniman · Aug 10, 2009, 06:54 AM

I would limit my contact with her until the baby is born, making sure she was all right, and just wait for her to file official papers. I doubt there is anything you can say, or do to change her mind, and maybe you shouldn't. If you married because she was pregnant, maybe now she is having second thoughts. You still have a pregnant female on your hands, and a child on the way. That's all that's important right now.

Gemini54 · Aug 10, 2009, 04:44 PM

Can you get a weekend off and go to see her? This sounds pretty serious to me and I think that you need to talk to her now, rather than waiting for her to serve papers on you.

Alternatively, you could write her a letter add ask her to respond in writing with an explanation of what's going on.

Zlata · Aug 11, 2009, 08:12 AM

As a lawyer I would recommend you Galv to stay aside of her. If she has anything important to say, she knows how and where to contact you, email/voicemail strongly recommended (as it will be reported). When she is trying to contact you, means she wants something from you. Once she is unable to say what she wants exactly, she wants to cover and not to "play" open game. No need for you to go through her reasons and what if what if... Just make it formal, this is the way how to avoid "misunderstandings" and other problems in long term.

Stay frosty, wish you luck!

Sorry for my english.

JudyKayTee · Aug 11, 2009, 08:14 AM

Originally Posted by cadillac59

Annulments requires grounds but most states have no-fault divorce, which means you need show nothing more than "irreconcilable differences" (or that the marriage is "irretrievably broken" in some places) to get a divorce.

I was thinking along the lines of her grounds to claim it was never a valid marriage in the first place (for whatever reason, possibly religious).

Otherwise, right, agree - not that it matters. :)

Zlata · Aug 11, 2009, 08:26 AM

Please ignore my previous comment, I did not mean to post it here eh. I am new, apologize!

JudyKayTee · Aug 11, 2009, 08:39 AM

Originally Posted by Zlata

Please ignore my previous comment, i did not mean to post it here eh. I am new, apologize!

I don't know why you are apologizing - you gave good advice.

Zlata · Aug 11, 2009, 11:50 AM

the first answer was meant for different person - 91mustangfreak whose ex-wife still calls him...

Galv, for you I would not suggest to stop communication with your lady as, in my opinion, that is the first road to ending relationship. There may be plenty of reasons of why is that happening, as very good you are pointing at her hormones. Would be great if you could talk to her in person but not exactly about why do we have crisis, but how are they (her and baby) doing, what can you do to make her comfy, that you saw a super dooper maternity bra in target or whatever, etc.

Though, misery loves company and do not let her misery take you down, show you are above it, but when she is about to argue, just show her that it hurts you and its painful. Do not tell her, but show her.

How I would like it if I was in her shoes:I wake up, my husband surprises me with breakfast (wow the meal I like? He remembers?. what does he want?) + flower (which I like, and red rose if he does not remember-red as love) + by him made card with tickets to cinema? Wow, he is so lovely telling me how much he appreciates and cherishes me, loves me wow, I want to cuddle him.. :D
Plus, 3 gifts = means three family members (you, her, baby), symbolism works very often

So this way challenge the silly hormones, don't give up! Touch her feelings, let her remember times when you both were the most happy couple under the Sun, no arguing, no lectures. If you will have to fight her hormones back or it will sharpen, let it flow through her and leave with sad face, she will regret it by herself =quolse,conscience, shame, regret.

Good luck man! :)