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rubisingh · Jul 27, 2009, 03:23 PM

I am 25 years old woman. I get married before 7 month back. I am a average looking girl and my husband is not as smart and handsome as I wanted. He is shorter in height and bald and continuous falling his hair. He belongs from a small town and I'm from big city. He is very nice in nature. But now I feel that he is not my type. Now I feel ashame to go with him. Actually I did marriage with him because of force of my parents. But now what can I do? I am very depressed and he is happy with me but I am not. I am monetary dependent on him.

Just Dahlia · Jul 27, 2009, 03:30 PM

So he's nice in nature? Is that it? Is he a decent human being? You must have married him for something other than money.

Can you find anything that you like about him? It sounded like you wanted to save the marriage, but then you gave no reason to do so.

I'm a little confused, unless you were forced into this and there is nothing you can do about it. If that's the case, you need to look at the good attributes instead of the physical ones you seem not to agree with.:)

s_cianci · Jul 27, 2009, 03:32 PM

First of all, shall I presume that you're not an American but rather from a culture that still practices arranged marriages? OK, fair enough. But now, let me see if I have this straight ; he's not "smart enough" for you, not "handsome enough" for you, too short for you, bald and from a small town, while you're from a big city? And he's "very nice in nature" but you're ashamed to be seen with him? And, to top it all off, he's happy with you? An "average-looking" girl, as you describe yourself? Well, I certainly see why your parents married you off. They obviously didn't want you hanging around forever and, with your mindset, you'd go through 5 lifetimes and never find anyone "good enough" for you!

Alty · Jul 27, 2009, 03:35 PM

It sounds like this was an arranged marriage and the OP didn't have a choice.

I don't know what culture we're dealing with, therefore my advice wouldn't be helpful.

We have people from all over the world on this site. If you explain your cultural background a bit better I'm sure that someone that knows more about your situation will come and offer advice.

Arranged marriages, for most of us, are not something we understand.

rubisingh · Jul 27, 2009, 03:37 PM

Hi Just Dahlia... I agree that he is a nice guy in nature. But when I see other husband then I feel shamed because he is not good in looking. And in my family all people are very smart so I feel embarrassed to meet him to other my known. I want to save my marriage life bt how I don't know? How can I change my mentlity?

rubisingh · Jul 27, 2009, 03:37 PM

Hi Just Dahlia... I agree that he is a nice guy in nature. But when I see other husband then I feel shamed because he is not good in looking. And in my family all people are very smart so I feel embarrassed to meet him to other my known. I want to save my marriage life bt how I don't know? How can I change my mentlity?

Just Dahlia · Jul 27, 2009, 03:42 PM

You can try to get past his looks. Get to know him better. I have known lots of people who's personality was far better than their looks, some, where I didn't think they were unattractive at all anymore

rubisingh · Jul 27, 2009, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

It sounds like this was an arranged marriage and the OP didn't have a choice.

I don't know what culture we're dealing with, therefore my advice wouldn't be helpful.

We have people from all over the world on this site. If you explain your cultural background a bit better I'm sure that someone that knows more about your situation will come and offer advice.

Arranged marriages, for most of us, are not something we understand.

You it's a arranged marriage case. I'm from India and from a traditional family where girls opinion doesn't matter for selecting a life partner .

Alty · Jul 27, 2009, 03:54 PM

Originally Posted by rubisingh

ya its a arranged marriage case. i m from India and from a traditional family where girls opinion doesn't matter for selecting a life partner .

So you're stuck.

Are there any qualities about him you like?

You said he's a nice man, why not try and get to know him better?

Looks fade, a good heart lasts forever.

You're still young, give this marriage a chance.

What options do you have if you decide this can't work out? Is divorce an option?

Just Dahlia · Jul 27, 2009, 03:56 PM

How long have you been married?

Arranged marriages have been around forever even in the United States where I'm from, it can be done if you have no choice.:)

Alty · Jul 27, 2009, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

First of all, shall I presume that you're not an American but rather from a culture that still practices arranged marriages? OK, fair enough. But now, let me see if I have this straight ; he's not "smart enough" for you, not "handsome enough" for you, too short for you, bald and from a small town, while you're from a big city? And he's "very nice in nature" but you're ashamed to be seen with him? And, to top it all off, he's happy with you? An "average-looking" girl, as you describe yourself? Well, I certainly see why your parents married you off. They obviously didn't want you hanging around forever and, with your mindset, you'd go through 5 lifetimes and never find anyone "good enough" for you!

I realize it's hard to understand something that we're not accustomed to, but at least be honest enough to admit that looks, intelligence, those are all things that attract people to each other.

She's from a country and culture where she doesn't have a say in who she marries. Is it so hard to accept that she's not happy with the man her parents chose?

If your parents picked out a partner for you that wasn't your cup of tea what would you do? How would you feel?

You can't force love. Some arranged marriages work very well, some are an epic failure.

Just Dahlia · Jul 27, 2009, 04:10 PM

Well, until you get back to us... at least you have a computer to vent your frustrations and try to solve things. That means (in my opinion) that you care.

rubisingh · Jul 27, 2009, 04:12 PM

Originally Posted by Just Dahlia

How long have you been married?

Arranged marriages have been around forever even in the United States where I'm from, it can be done if you have no choice.:)

7 months back I got married.

Gemini54 · Jul 27, 2009, 04:25 PM

It must be really hard to be married to a man that you're not happy with. But all the things that you have described are to some extent - superficial.

You ask how you might change your mind-set about this. Start by trying to see the good things about him - is he kind? Is he generous? Does he care for you? These are important things in a relationship and as your marriage continues will become much more important.

Try and encourage him to get a good haircut and to wear nice clothes. Get him to take pride in his appearance by keeping fit and healthy. Tell him that you are proud of him and happy to be seen with him.

I assume that it is difficult to break an arranged marriage in India so it will be up to you to shift how you see your husband. It will take time, but if you try and see the good things instead of the bad, perhaps this will help and you will be happier.

Just Dahlia · Jul 27, 2009, 04:29 PM

I agree with Gemini54, and for all you know (since this was an arranged marriage) he might be thinking the same things you are:eek: