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lexytwnsire · Jul 21, 2009, 07:10 AM

I have been divorced for 4yrs. We have joint physical custody. I recently moved 60 miles away and lost my job. We have always rotated the weeks w/ kids however Im in a school district that has better school system but exhusband will only agree to leave it the way it is. Can I just put them in school out here? I do everything for the kids and when he has them his sister and 70+ mother does the caregiving.

Justwantfair · Jul 21, 2009, 07:12 AM

Who has legal custody (different then physical custody)?

lexytwnsire · Jul 21, 2009, 07:21 AM

Hi new to the site and trying to decided to go back to court or if in fact I am the parent that is wrong in the situation.

Ive been divorced 4yrs. We share joint physical custody. For years we have switched off every Friday. I recently moved 60 miles away from ex and we can't decide on school. He wants to continue busing kids to school where they are on an 2hr roundtrip. I can take them and pick up if w/me. THE school system is better where I am and his mom and sister does all the caregiving for him. When trying to discuss it with him he's not open to anything but him making the decision that's comfortable with him, I asked for kids to go close to my job and I would bring the home everyday even during his week but he stated that was not convient for his sister. Now I am unemployed can I just put the kids in school by me or do we need to go to court? I don't want to go to court and loose my time w/kids because I moved and I'm unemployed. I think he just doesn't want to potentially pay child support. Now that I'm not working I asked for a little money to help me with the kids and he said NO! Now he lives w/his mother makes 50k yr. I get 1800/mth on unemployment and he's not willing to help. WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS SCHOOLS STARTING SOON?

N0help4u · Jul 21, 2009, 07:30 AM

You should go get the order modified.
You tell why you feel they are better in your school district and then you agree that he gets more visits on non school days.
You can give him every FRI. 6 pm to Sun evening, a month or two for summer vacation and any holidays you are willing to give up.
Give him an offer he can't refuse and then present it to the Judge.

stevetcg · Jul 21, 2009, 07:34 AM

Regardless of his motivation, if this cannot be amicably decided on your own, it needs to be brought to court/mediation. A 60 mile round trip for school to maintain joint physical custody is unrealistic. HOWEVER, there is a solid potential that you will not come out on top of mediation since you were the one that chose to move. The court's interest is what is in the best interest of the children. Changing schools rarely is. The fact that your schools are better helps your case some, but it is not a slam dunk.

I would get a good lawyer soon.

JudyKayTee · Jul 21, 2009, 07:37 AM

Please post once in one category - asked and answered on the legal board.

ScottGem · Jul 21, 2009, 07:44 AM

Is there a parenting or visitation schedule ordered by the courts? Did you get permission from your ex or the court to move?

If there was a visitation schedule in place and you moved without permission you may be considered in contempt of court. Moving 60 miles away interferes with your ex's right to visitation.

You NEED to go back to court and hash this out before he files for contempt.

lexytwnsire · Jul 21, 2009, 07:45 AM

We both have legal custody. We have equal rights and were in California.. I want to do what's best for the kids if I need to take them on weekends I will however I don't feel its fair that when they're with me I do the cooking homework, bathing and when with him his mom primarily does everything.

lexytwnsire · Jul 21, 2009, 07:46 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Who has legal custody (different then physical custody)?

We both have legal custody. However I may be in the wrong since I choose to move

stevetcg · Jul 21, 2009, 07:47 AM

Originally Posted by lexytwnsire

we both have legal custody. We have equal rights and were in California.. I want to do whats best for the kids if I need to take them on weekends I will however I dont feel its fair that when theyre with me I do the cooking homework, bathing and when with him his mom primarily does everything.

We understand that you don't feel its fair. However, from a legal standpoint, its not relevant. What he chooses to do with the kids when he is custodial is primarily his business.

lexytwnsire · Jul 21, 2009, 07:55 AM

So since we have equal rights I can't just put them in school out here? We have not found a school for our 10 yr old who is going to middle school and the schools in his area are not good academically so he's trying to get her in other school districts. Should I just take them on weekends? Before I was willing to drive them but now being unemployed I can't afford it and he doesn't want to help me financially. But I do want what's in the best interest of the kids

N0help4u · Jul 21, 2009, 07:59 AM

Originally Posted by lexytwnsire

so since we have equal rights I can't just put them in school out here? We have not found a school for our 10 yr old who is going to middle school and the schools in his area are not good academically so hes trying to get her in other school districts. should I just take them on weekends? before I was willing to drive them but now being unemployed I can't afford it and he doesnt want to help me financially. but I do want whats in the best interest of the kids

If you haven't found a school in your area then there is no convincing a Judge, Where do the 7th and 8th graders in your area go?

You have to first have a school established then make a workable plan that he or the Judge take you up on like I said in my previous reply and tell the Judge the conveniences of your school area vs the inconveniences of his.

N0 middle school in mind =no chance for you.

stevetcg · Jul 21, 2009, 08:01 AM

Originally Posted by lexytwnsire

so since we have equal rights I can't just put them in school out here? We have not found a school for our 10 yr old who is going to middle school and the schools in his area are not good academically so hes trying to get her in other school districts. should I just take them on weekends? before I was willing to drive them but now being unemployed I can't afford it and he doesnt want to help me financially. but I do want whats in the best interest of the kids

That wouldn't be exercising equal rights, but forcing a complaint, which will work against you in court. Equal means he also has equal say in where they go to school.

What you *should* do is whatever you feel is best for your children. Its hard for us to determine this since we really don't know all of the factors involved.

lexytwnsire · Jul 21, 2009, 08:20 AM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

If you haven't found a school in your area then there is no convincing a Judge, Where do the 7th and 8th graders in your area go?

You have to first have a school established then make a workable plan that he or the Judge take you up on like I said in my previous reply and tell the Judge the conveniences of your school area vs the inconveniences of his.

N0 middle school in mind =no chance for you.

No, it's the exact opposite. I have a school in my area and in my address zone. He doesn't have a school. He willnot allow her to go to a middle school in his zone because of academics are poor and crime so he has her on a waiting list for the school he wanted her to go to since she didn't get accepted.

So if she doesn't get picked up off the waiting list she has to attend the school in his zone. That is not good for her as she is a gifted student and the school in my zone are #1

lexytwnsire · Jul 21, 2009, 08:23 AM

What about support since I am now unemployed do I have alegal right to request assistance?

stevetcg · Jul 21, 2009, 08:30 AM

Originally Posted by lexytwnsire

what about support since I am now unemployed do I have alegal right to request assistance?

I don't know CA laws specifically, but if there is disparity in income even if there is joint physical custody, support is generally ordered. The idea is to keep things equal between families. CA has a thing called a dissometer that you can probably Google to figure out what would actually be owed in many circumstances.

Alternately, if you give up your current physical custody order for visitation you may owe support.

MomWontGiveUp · Jul 21, 2009, 08:37 AM

Is there any chance you can move back closer to where your children are going to school now? If you're unemployed, it doesn't seem there would be anything holding you to stay where you are (unless you own a house you can't sell.)

N0help4u · Jul 21, 2009, 09:22 AM

Originally Posted by lexytwnsire

No, its the exact opposite. I have a school in my area and in my address zone. He doesnt have a school. He willnot allow her to go to a middle school in his zone because of academics are poor and crime so he has her on a waiting list for the school he wanted her to go to since she didnt get accepted.

So if she doesnt get picked up off the waiting list she has to attend the school in his zone. That is not good for her as she is a gifted student and the school in my zone are #1

Then that is more in your favor.
Make a plan he will go along with
Every weekend holidays and summer vacation in exchange for you having them school days.

ScottGem · Jul 21, 2009, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by lexytwnsire

However I may be in the wrong since I choose to move

First you never answered whether there is a court ordered parenting plan or visitation schedule. You also didn't directly answer whethere you had permission to move, though the above quote seems to answer in the negative.

Second, as Steve said, equal rights means EQUAL. You both have an equal says. So if you can't come to an agreement, then you need to go back to the court or a mediator to work things out.

cdad · Jul 21, 2009, 01:32 PM

I have a burning question that hasn't been asked... If your unemployed who are you living with and what guarantee do you have of getting a job in the same place your in now ?