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sully123 · Jul 15, 2009, 02:11 PM

Louise try to stop, your letting your emotions take over you. Keep on telling yourself this man is GARBAGE! He isn't worth anything. He doesn't know how to love someone, and he never will. You are not thinking clearly. Your letting those weak moments take overyou. WHY would you love someone who treats you like that? You know your worth more than that. He thinks he has this control over you and your letting him do this to you. YOU can do and stay strong!

Devi33 · Jul 15, 2009, 04:34 PM

Dump him!

talaniman · Jul 15, 2009, 05:32 PM

This isn't about him any more, this is about coping with your own feelings. Venting is great, going bowling is better.

When was the last time you did something good for yourself??

louiseismyname · Jul 16, 2009, 09:27 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

This isn't about him any more, this is about coping with your own feelings. Venting is great, going bowling is better.

When was the last time you did something good for yourself???

I never do anything nice for myself, I'm just to down and depressed to go out and face the world at the minute. I go from home to work and then back home, I'm working 50 per week trying to keep my mind off this and its killing me!! As soon as he comes into my head I try and think of other things and it usually works. Im concentrating on my sick family member at the moment which gives me something to focus on as well as realising that others have it far worse than me.

talaniman · Jul 16, 2009, 10:00 AM

i never do anything nice for myself, I'm just to down and depressed to go out and face the world at the minute

I would be down and depressed too, if I never show my love for myself.

That needs to change, and if it does, I guarantee your attitude will change with it. TRUST me on this. There is NO EXCUSE for not showing yourself that you love YOU!! NONE at all!

louiseismyname · Jul 16, 2009, 10:13 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I would be down and depressed too, if I never show my love for myself.

That needs to change, and if it does, I guarantee your attitude will change with it. TRUST me on this. There is NO EXCUSE for not showing yourself that you love YOU!! NONE at all!

How do I love myself talaniman? I feel down right useless. Even an idiot like him is now telling me to leave him alone (btw I'm on day 5 of NC!! ) it just hurts so much that only 2 weeks ago he was wanting to build a life with me and now he is just being horrible to me. What must his relationship with his girlfriend be like if he was asking me out behind her back

sully123 · Jul 16, 2009, 02:19 PM

Louise you can't build a life with this man because he is a liar. Honestly, do you really care what she is thinking when he is talking behind her back? She is crazy for being with him. Quit thinking of this man, sometimes these things become an obsession. You are worth so much more. Concentrate on yourself, like Tal said, do something for yourself. Even if you have to go to a therapist then do it. Vent, anything, but STOP thinking of him. He isn't a part of your life and he never was Louise. He is a player.

N0help4u · Jul 16, 2009, 02:28 PM

He is a liar... you are useless... yet he is a liar... so what do you care what a liar says or thinks... believe the truth... you are not useless... end the lie(s) and quit feeding into them!

talaniman · Jul 16, 2009, 03:09 PM

How do I love myself talaniman? I feel down right useless

First, stop crying, and go shopping for things you like, and look good in.
Get your hair fixed up, in a new style

Get your best girl friend, and go see a play or show, or even go bowling. Its your life, and your responsibility to build a life that you enjoy, with friends, activities, and hobbies. Take a class or develop a skill.

These are but a few ways to show you love yourself and are happy with who you are. That's when you will see that the lying idiot who is talking crap CAN'T MAKE YOU FEEL BAD, and you won't be affected by his BS!

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, they are a must read for people who need to heal. There is a link in my signature.

Come back, and call me a liar, if you don't get some good insights into your feelings, and a clear path to solutions.

briancp34 · Jul 16, 2009, 03:27 PM

His "Making you feel terrible" is still part of his head games. It serves 2 purposes for him.

1. He makes you feel terrible to a point that you start to think that he's the only one that will ever except you because you're "so useless". You're not useless. This is just part his rat run head game he plays that I'm sure he's playing on her too. Let her take on that hassle and kink in her psyche.

2. He gets to vent whatever frustration he has toward you because it seems to him that his mind games are beginning to fail.

The way you show and feel the love you have for yourself is to completely put that jerk out of your mind, and keep in mind the emotional wealth and support that you bring into others lives. Just don't forget how much yourself an others love you, and not how much he doesn't.

louiseismyname · Jul 18, 2009, 02:49 AM

Just a bit of an update folks, one of my friends was talking to my ex yesterday and she asked him if he still loved me and he replied yes deeply, he told her to tell me that he always thinks of me. He said that he thought I didn't love him anymore (he only said this I bet so I go back saying yes I do love you etc etc).

My friend told him that yes I still love him but will never ever talk to him again after thenasty things that he called me (wierdo, and that I needed help). She told him to apologise to me as they were very hurtful comments and he turned round and said "not a chance, im going to the pub to get pi$$ed - f**k it"!!

How can someone say that they still love me deeply and then turn round and say that he isn't apologising and be rude like that?

Why his he saying nice things one minute and then nasty things the next?

sully123 · Jul 18, 2009, 03:59 AM

Louise, why do you even care what he things? Please you are falling back into his trap again. He is garbage. Why you would even waste another minute and even have your girlfriend ask him if he loved you. OMG. HE has serious issues, and you keep on wondering. GET AWAY FROM HIM... I thought you were going on with your life, he is just reeling you back in, and your falling for it. He doesn't know what love is, and at this point you are not thinking much of yourself, and you...

louiseismyname · Jul 18, 2009, 04:33 AM

Originally Posted by sully123

Louise, why do you even care what he things? Please you are falling back into his trap again. He is garbage. Why you would even waste another minute and even have your girlfriend ask him if he loved you. OMG. HE has serious issues, and you keep on wondering. GET AWAY FROM HIM... I thought you were going on with your life, he is just reeling you back in, and your falling for it. He doesn't know what love is, and at this point you are not thinking much of yourself, and you...

I take your point sully123 and thank you for that, do you think he is trying to reel me back in? When my friend told him that il never speak to him again he said "see i told you she hates me, i wont text her again !!!!". Its like he is playing mind games with me again. He says he loves me deeply, then says that he knows that we will never be together again but tells me he loves me deeply?

I am carrying on with my life and concentrating on my sick family member and not him, he thinks he is a player, but I think it did take him back a bit when my friend said that I do still love him but will NEVER EVER speak to him again after the nasty things he said to me and the laughed in my face.

What should I do now? It kills me to hear him say he loves me deeply even if it maybe another of his lies. :(:(:(

sully123 · Jul 18, 2009, 05:10 AM

Louise we are here to help you. You have so much to offer some other person. Your friend shouldn't even have asked him if he loved you. :YOU have to get strong, and concentrate on your family member who is sick right now, which I know you are doing. He is playing mind games, he wants to make you suffer. Louise that isn't someone who loves you. I know its difficult when your in the situation and were on the outside. But every time if your friend or who ever feeds him information or you hear info it just sets you back again. I don't know why you put up with his crap. TRy and get strong.

louiseismyname · Jul 18, 2009, 05:17 AM

Originally Posted by sully123

Louise we are here to help you. You have so much to offer some other person. Your friend shouldn't even have asked him if he loved you. :YOU have to get strong, and concentrate on your family member who is sick right now, which I know you are doing. He is playing mind games, he wants to make you suffer. Louise that isn't someone who loves you. I know its difficult when your in the situation and were on the outside. But everytime if your friend or who ever feeds him information or you hear info it just sets you back again. I don't know why you put up with his crap. TRy and get strong.

Thanks sully123, I know that he has a g f and that don't even hurt me now so I must going in the right direction?? What kind of person asks me out and tells me he loves me and makes very sexual remarks as to what he wants to do with me when he has a girlfriend?

You are right he is trying to reel me back in and I think I hurt his feelings when he knew that il never speak to him again after the hurtful comments, he is the very least of my problems at the moment. He can play his mind games with someone else, its only when a famly member gets very sick that it makes you realise that his mind games are really childish and unimportant and that there are bigger things happening in the world.

Im just so low right now, all my frinds are busy with there own lives and I've no one really to talk to about my family member as everyone is so upset. I just don't know where to turn, hence me coming on here and talking it through

khaksaar · Jul 18, 2009, 05:32 AM

Stop for a second and use your head. Listen to yourself. You seem like an intelligent person who can tell what's wrong from right.
I've been there.I know how things can be confusing... he is toxic. Tell him that you need a break and want to think things over. Stay away from him 4 at least a month. Join a gym.go on a vacation.. put your thoughts and energy in something else. I hope you will start to see much clearer as it is obvious that he is influencing your thoughts right now.. wish you the best of luck :)

louiseismyname · Jul 18, 2009, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by khaksaar

stop for a second and use your head. listen to ur self. u seem like an intelligent person who can tell what's wrong from right.
I've been there.i know how things can be confusing.... he is toxic. tell him that u need a break and want to think things over. stay away from him 4 at least a month. join a gym.go on a vacation.. put ur thoughts n energy in something else. i hope u will start to see much clearer as it is obvious that he is influencing ur thoughts right now..wish u the best of luck :)

Thanks for your advice, I'm just so emotionally attached at the moment to see straight, and that's why its good to come on here and get other peoples opinions and advice that are not emotionally attached.

Ive just been on a month vacation and didn't contact him for 2 weeks, then I broke my resolve on my return which I now regret. In my anger last night I tet him saying enjoy getting pissed at the pub and forgetting about me and he text back... will do - thanks!!

I now regret texting him s he probably thinks that I care what he does, I don't as much as I did, it just hurt when he said he isn't apologising and that he was going out to get drunk instead :(:

I was doing so well before my 1 short text last night, I handt contacted him for over a week, I don't fel like I'm back at the beginning as I needed to get it off my chest but I'm dissapointe din myself that I still let him hurt my feelings when he learly don't give a rats ar$e about mine :mad::mad::mad:

khaksaar · Jul 18, 2009, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by louiseismyname

thanks for your advice, im just so emotionally attached at the moment to see straight, and thats why its good to come on here and get other peoples opinions and advice that are not emotionally attached.

Ive just been on a month vacation and didnt contact him for 2 weeks, then i broke my resolve on my return which i now regret. In my anger last night i tet him saying enjoy getting pissed at the pub and forgetting about me and he text back ..... will do - thanks !!!

I now regret texting him s he probably thinks that i care what he does, i dont as much as i did, it just hurt when he said he aint apologising and that he was going out to get drunk instead :(:

I was doing so well before my 1 short text last night, i handt contacted him for over a week, i dont fel like im back at the beginning as i needed to get it off my chest but im dissapointe din myself that i still let him hurt my feelings when he learly dont give a rats ar$e about mine :mad::mad::mad:

Don't worry take it slow... u've been in love it will take time before you fall out of it... just be consistent and hold your head high.. no one has the right to trash you or make fun of u. u deserve better

louiseismyname · Jul 18, 2009, 01:11 PM

Originally Posted by khaksaar

Don't worry take it slow......... u've been in love it will take time b4 u fall out of it.......just be consistent n hold ur head high.. no one has the right to trash u or make fun of u. u deserve better

Its just so hard at the moment, he text me today and I stupidly text back saying that I can't do this as what's happened between us in the past is just still too raw, he asked why its too raw and I said you know why!! He then texted me and asked me if its because I still loved him?

Why does he do this, what do you think he wants from me? I've told him that I'm going to do my best to move on and try and leave the past in th past

talaniman · Jul 18, 2009, 01:46 PM

Ive told him that I'm going to do my best to move on and try and leave the past in th past

Your words, and your actions don't match up!

You say your moving on, so stop all contact, and then this confusion will stop, and so will he, when he has been totally ignored!