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dipity · Jul 11, 2009, 11:30 PM

My stepdaughter has just recently (2 months) ago come to my husband and I and has stated that she wants to live with us. She is 12 years old and will be 13 in September. Her father and I would love for her to come and live with us but we are currently in the process of buying a house and do not have the finances to pay a lawyer a retainer fee. Is there any free legal advice out there on what we can do? Plus, my husband also has a nine year old boy that lives with his mother as well (yes they are brother and sister). Will the judge give him the option of coming to live with us too?

N0help4u · Jul 12, 2009, 03:36 AM

The mother would have to agree to that she wants them to live with you or you would have to prove she is an unfit mother through neglect and/or abuse.
You can get partial custody order giving you weekends and some holidays, have you got that already?

ScottGem · Jul 12, 2009, 04:53 AM

A child cannot make this decision. Only the court can. You would have to apply for a modification in the custody order to have this happen. A judge would then examine the petitions and make a ruling. You don't need an attoney, but if the mother hired one to fight it, and you don't have legal representation there is a good chace you will lose.

How far will your new home be from where the mother lives? What custody/Visitation/support orders are currently in place?

s_cianci · Jul 12, 2009, 04:59 AM

You can consult a legal aid attorney or whatever it's called in your state. They're generally not the best but it'd be better than nothing. Is there a custody order in place? If there is, then it'd have to be modified in order for your stepdaughter to come and live with you and your husband would have to initiate that process. At the hearing the judge would listen to what your stepdaughter has to say. He may or may not agree to the request based on her wishes. Your husband and his ex would also have to give testimony and the judge would weigh all factors in his/her decision. Now as for her brother, since he's younger his wishes wouldn't have as much bearing on the judge's decision.

dipity · Jul 22, 2009, 12:21 AM

My husband has visitation rights and that is it (every other weekend and some holidays). The mother is very strict about not letting the kids come to our house for any extra time. My husband's daughter is not happy living with her mother due to her mother getting a new boyfriend. He is not abusing her or anything, but her mother is not spending any time with her and her brother. She is short tempered with the kids when they are alone with her and my step daughter just says she is not happy there.

dipity · Jul 22, 2009, 12:23 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

A child cannot make this decision. Only the court can. You would have to apply for a modification in the custody order to have this happen. A judge would then examine the petitions and make a ruling. You don't need an attoney, but if the mother hired one to fight it, and you don't have legal representation there is a good chace you will lose.

How far will your new home be from where the mother lives? What custody/Visitation/support orders are currently in place?

My husband and I live about 15 minutes away from her mother. She has full custody at this time because when they were going through the separation she stuck him with the child custody paperwork when my husband had no extra money at the time. There was nothing he could do. All he gets is visitation every other weekend and some holidays.

dipity · Jul 22, 2009, 12:26 AM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

You can consult a legal aid attorney or whatever it's called in your state. They're generally not the best but it'd be better than nothing. Is there a custody order in place? If there is, then it'd have to be modified in order for your stepdaughter to come and live with you and your husband would have to initiate that process. At the hearing the judge would listen to what your stepdaughter has to say. He may or may not agree to the request based on her wishes. Your husband and his ex would also have to give testimony and the judge would weigh all factors in his/her decision. Now as for her brother, since he's younger his wishes wouldn't have as much bearing on the judge's decision.

My husband has visitation rights (every other weekend and some holidays). Do you think it would be a good idea for my step daughter to talk to her mother about the fact that she wants to live with her dad?

s_cianci · Jul 22, 2009, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by dipity

My husband has visitation rights (every other weekend and some holidays). Do you think it would be a good idea for my step daughter to talk to her mother about the fact that she wants to live with her dad?

She could try talking to her mother about it. But ultimately it would still require a decision by the court if the custody order is to be modified. You claim that she has a new boyfriend and isn't "spending any time" with her daughter. You also claim that she's "short-tempered." Unfortunately these are both emotional, subjective arguments. I'm not saying that there isn't maybe some truth to your claims but family court judges have heard it all, believe me. It's going to take unbiased, factual evidence to convince the judge to modify the custody order.

ScottGem · Jul 22, 2009, 01:21 PM

The only thing that works in your favor at this point is how close you live to the mom. A judge MIGHT allow the change on a trial basis.

But you are facing an uphill battle. A 13 year old's preferences are not going to be given a lot of weight.

But the only thing you can do is try. First you ask the mom if she will go along, but it sounds like she won't. So next you file, in your local Family Court, for a modification of the support order. And then prepare your best case why the court should allow it.