[stevetcg]

ya well he just told me that he will just pay it, that it has never been about the money.

Then he pays it and there isn't much you can do. Like it or not, he IS the child;s father and that's just the way it goes. Sorry.

[AllisonStevens]

You we will c about that. I just found a lawyer who is willing to help me and says there is something I can do but thanks for your responses. It put things in a whole new light for me.

[stevetcg]

ya we will c about that. I just found a lawyer who is willing to help me and says there is something I can do but thanks for your responses. It put things in a whole new light for me.

I hope you are right, but if the father is unwilling, I am doubtful.

Listen... be wary here. Lawyers charge by the hour win or lose... and this wouldn't be a historical event if he were to tell you what you want to hear and a few months and a few thousdand dollars from now say "sorry... "

[AllisonStevens]

Well he's not going to even charge me anything except the retaining fee unless we win. And no price tag can be put on my daughters happiness... I talked to a lady from the state as well and was told after 6 months of no support, no inititave on his part then I can claim abandonment, and since its been 5 years then I can def go ahead with it.

[stevetcg]

well he's not going to even charge me anything except the retaining fee unless we win. and no price tag can be put on my daughters happiness....... i talked to a lady from the state as well and was told after 6 months of no support, no inititave on his part then I can claim abandonment, and since its been 5 years then I can def go ahead with it.

I never said you couldn't go ahead with it. If he chooses to fight it, I don't think you will win. I could be wrong. I don't think I am.

The state laws vary on abandonment, so I didn't factor that in... but I am maintaining my stance that I don't think it will happen if he fights it. Courts are very reluctant to terminate parental rights against their will if they are fit parents.

Its good that the lawyer isn't charging if you lose... that is one of the downsides of this kind of thing... in many of the cases, the only one that benefits is the lawyers.

[cdad]

well he's not going to even charge me anything except the retaining fee unless we win. and no price tag can be put on my daughters happiness....... i talked to a lady from the state as well and was told after 6 months of no support, no inititave on his part then I can claim abandonment, and since its been 5 years then I can def go ahead with it.

The lady from the state told you wrong. If he has never been established as the legal father then he has no obligation until the courts place him as the father of the child. The morality of thinking does not apply. What state are you saying has this law ?

[AllisonStevens]

Paternity has been established. Right after she was born a paternity test was done. Missouri

[ScottGem]

While paternity may have been established, no visitation or support order was established. This could be an impediment to using abandonment as grounds.

This site:
Termination of Parental Rights in Missouri - Part 2

Seems to have a lot of good info for you. It makes using abandonment as grounds possible, but certainly no slam dunk, especially if he fights it. I think the lady from the state was also talking generally. According to what the site I linked to says, it's a possibility. But I think the fact that no support order or visitation schedule was in place is going to make it harder to rule. I really think if the bio father tells the court, that he's sorry for the way he's acted and wants to now be a father, they may very well agree.

I just hope you realize that the information we gave you was as correct as we could given what we know of such cases. But that local laws and conditions could change things.

I'm glad you found a lawyer to help, its what I suggested several times. While we can only speak in generalities, especially since we didn't know what state you were in until a couple of posts back, a local attorney is more familiar with local laws, and more importantly, the way the local courts rule.

I hope things work out for you and please keep us posted.

[stinawords]

Good luck to you please let us know how it turned out!

[AllisonStevens]

Just so you all know, I did file abandonment charges. Her biological father tried to fight it at first but then was told that if he wanted to see his child he needed to pay me 5 years worth of support that he missed out on and then he could have visitation rights, his rights are terminated!!

[ScottGem]

I still say the only reason his rights were terminated was because your husband was waiting to adopt. I think the judge may have violated the law by threatening him with retroactive support.

But I'm glad things worked out for you.

[Synnen]

i know he is on drugs, and does not even have a high school diploma. The situation would not even come close to being a safe enviornment for my daughter.

But can you PROVE it? Can you PROVE that he's a danger to his child?

If you can't PROVE he's a danger to his child, and he won't voluntarily relinquish, you're out of luck.

Be GLAD that the laws are framed the way they are--otherwise ANYONE with a grudge could start getting people's rights taken away--like YOUR rights--for reasons that are really superficial--in your case, for preventing your daughter from seeing her biological father.

EDIT: I should have read all the way through. I, too, am sure that the only real reason that rights were terminated was to pave the way for adoption.

[AllisonStevens]

Well either way I don't care how it happened... he is no longer in my life and will never be again. When my daughter gets old enough to make the decision for herself then I will let her until then it IS my decision to make and I am making the decision that is in the best interest of my child... and no I never refused to let him see her, he never wanted to until I told him that my husband wanted to adopt her. OH WELL ALL IS WELL!!

[ScottGem]

I know you don't care how it happened, but we have to deal with the realities of the law here. We need to make sure people understand that getting a TPR is a difficult things and will generally be granted under limited circumstances. That's why, when someone tells that something was done that doesn't appear to conform to law we have to see why.

[Survivor07]

Congratulations, Allison. I believe from what you have said that you most definitely acted in the best interest of your child.

When and if she has a relationship with her bio dad will now be up to her and him many years down the road. Until then she has the opportunity to be raised by her mom and "dad" who love and support her in all ways.

I do agree with the others, though. Involuntary Termination is hard to get, but in my state, Pennsylvania, I have seen it happen many times after many court hearings and expert reports of supervised visitations... it can happen but it only ever happens when there's an adoptive parent stepping in to replace the terminated one.

As far as the judge using the child support as a threat, I have to agree that it does sound like a violation of the law... or a bluff at the very least because visitation and support are two different ball games, as unfair as it is.

I'm happy for you