[kctiger]

The issue with this is that it is overdrawn with ambiguity. Creating such a law puts guys in awkward places, as no judge or jury would convict a girl of "raping" a guy that is too drunk. Thus, if a girl gets up after being wasted and having a one night stand, and doesn't like the fact it happened, what would be stopping her from yelling "rape" to some law enforcement agency or lawyer?

People have a personal responsibility to conduct themselves in a way that uphold their morals. If they cannot function while intoxicated, then don't drink, that simple.

[ScottGem]

surely the blame does fall on her because you should know your drinking limits and she passed them 3 different times(that she has told him about)

Yes and no. Alcoholism is a disease. Once an alcoholic starts drinking they usually can't control when they stop. Alcoholism can only be fully controlled by not drinking at all.

I do, however, doubt that these three incidents were the only times she has been "stone drunk". Its just that she was raped during those three times. It also makes me wonder whether the OP is enabling her alcoholism.

[Romefalls19]

I agree, I believe there is a lot missing to this story. I would also wonder about the character of her friends.

[Justwantfair]

Let's say she is an alcoholic.

I agree there are warning signs of alcoholism all over the place in his post.

I don't agree that we should encourage him to stay in this relationship, that has been greatly compromised by her actions/symptoms even if they are alcohol induced. She hasn't brought up her own inability to control her drinking, which indicate true remorse and step one - admitting there is a problem.

I think the best advice to the OP is that this relationship is young, she has issues to deal with whether it's alcohol or low self-esteem, she will continue to have issues intensified by her actions in the last year. Take your warning signs and do what is healthy for you, pack your bags and hit the road.

[slapshot_oi]

Ya know, her claim to be drunk could be a lie. Having sex while drunk is an easily believable excuse. It'd sound much worse to him if she told him she's been sleeping around "stone sober".

People have a personal responsibility to conduct themselves in a way that uphold their morals. If they cannot function while intoxicated, then don't drink, that simple.

Well said.

[ryans2fast4u]

Your not going to listen to anyone on these boards anyway. Hate to say it, but you're the type of person whose going to keep giving in- keep making excuses- keep thinking the rest of the world is fools.

Then 8 years from now when she's cheated on you 25 more times, has two children that aren't yours, and finally SHE grows the balls to leave you like she wants to now, THEN finally you'll look back and realize all those people on some foolish website were actually giving you good advice.

I'm hesitant to say anything because I can tell you won't listen. You already made your decision and your hoping people on this forum will back you up and support you.

I really hope you prove me wrong though. Your making a HUGE mistake. If she cheats on you 3 times in a year and a half I GUARANTEE you she will cheat on you after you've been married. She does NOT respect you and she IS walking all over you. You still will write this post and all others off as foolish.

Good luck buddy... good luck.

[kctiger]

I would also like to point out that this board and society in general is quick to call people who have trouble behaving while intoxicated an alcoholic... most alcoholics cannot function without alcohol, while she exhibits behavior that is in direct conflict with that.

I caution people about allowing the ignorant behavior of a drunk to throw them in as having a disease.

[ScottGem]

I have to disagree completely with you Scott. Prosecute these guys? Where is the responsibility in her? There is a difference between being so drunk you pass out, and then a guy forces himself on you...I doubt that is the issue, as I would find it hard that she just so happened to run into three different guys that would take advantage of such a situation.

Having sex with someone "stone drunk" doesn't mean rape...that is almost offensive to say. Two totally different actions. If both parties are intoxicated and both consent to sex, then I am guessing you call that rape? She does not have a leg to stand on if she wants to prosecute these "rapists." Good luck with that.

If she can't handle alcohol that is one thing, but to imply that she has been "rapped" three different times is absurd. If this would have happened one time, as in a one time, "oops, I suck at handling alcohol" deal, then I would say fine...three times is just flat out inexcusable. I have NEVER seen any girl get so wasted that she just so happens to "get raped" three times.

I will say there is a lot of sympathy for your argument. I just did some research and juries are overwhelming unlikley to convict if the woman was drunk. But there seems to be some movement in the other direction. There have been laws proposed in the UK that will make it a crime to have sex with a woman too drunk to refuse. A recent case in NY also points out the willingess to prosecute:

NYPD officer accused of raping East Village woman while drunk

Maybe my suggesting that she prosecute was a bit over the top. But I stand by my statement that she was not cheating, but was, in fact, raped.

You ask where her responsibility was. Let me take a different tack. If a woman dresses provactively, is she asking to raped? The fact is that once someone gets drunk, they will lose the capacity to fully control their actions. So does the conscious decision to drink mean they give consent to sex? Not In my opinion!

You refer to consent, but you miss the point. Being drunk removes one's capacity to give consent! And I'm referring to being "stone drunk" which I'm interpreting as just short of passing out. What I would call "falling down drunk".

And no, the accusation of rape is far from absurd. Rape is sex without consent. There is more than sufficient evidence to show that drinking too much removes inhibitions and reduces the person's ability to make decisions. Therefore, someone can certainly be too drunk to legally consent.

But we are here to help the OP with his decision about his relationship. On that basis, I again, stand by my response. Whether you believe that a criminal act was committed or not, I maintain that the girlfriend was not consciously "cheating". That she, in fact, had sex without conscious consent. On that basis, I don't think her actions were cheating. And I very strongly feel the problem has nothing to do with having sex and everything to do with alcoholism. That's the problem the OP has to deal with.

[Justwantfair]

I would also like to point out that this board and society in general is quick to call people who have trouble behaving while intoxicated an alcoholic...most alcoholics cannot function without alcohol, while she exhibits behavior that is in direct conflict with that.

I caution people about allowing the ignorant behavior of a drunk to throw them in as having a disease.

My mother is an alcoholic and that isn't necessarily true.

There are plenty of functioning alcoholics and my mom was one for years before full blown alcoholism. Alcoholics do not understand their own personal limits and with the way that she consumes alcohol, there are severe signs that she has a problem with alcohol.

[kctiger]

This is the last post I put on this thread, because the excuses are just rampant!

1. Wearing a skimpy outfit and drinking too much are not anywhere near the same thing. I get what you are saying, and as a former police officer it pisses me off that you put seem to be putting me in the category of "blame the victim" not the suspect...

2. Problems with handling alcohol go on the person... most people have problems with alcohol if they LET IT get the best of them. Calling someone an alcoholic because they have a low tolerance and don't know how to handle that is like calling a person a retard because they lack a lot of intellegence or are extremely slow in picking things up. I am sick of this society being so quick to say, "Aww..you poor thing, you must have a disease..that is why you act the way you do!" Get off your a$$, realize your actions and fix them.

3. The problem with the OP's girlfriend, or whatever the hell she is stems from her lack of self control, period. Maybe she is an alcoholic, I don't know... don't have enough information.

As far as giving consent when drunk, I would think that every time I had drunk sex with my girlfriend, it would be classified as rape in your eyes.

I think there is a lot more to the story than meets the eye here. I would love to talk to the OP's girl so we could get a clear picture, as ANYTIME a person sleeps with 3 different strangers, regardless of intoxication level, there are bigger problems that need to be laid on the table. I am not trying to pick a fight, and I respect others' opinions. All in all, I just think all of us have been quick to pull the triger on something we don't have a lot of info about.

[liz28]

I don't believe the friends should be at blame either. I guarantee the friends were drinking to and it isn't their job to babysit her. I can't believe that her friends would just leave her with some random guy-something is missing.

I have a friend that drinks and I hate to go out from her because her drunk behavior inteefers with my time. A number of times I stopped he from going off with some random guy but she gives me grief for it. The last time her and I went out we almost had a fight because I tried to stop from getting into some guy car while she was drunk. I stopped going out with her after that incident because I can't control her especially while she is drunk.

So blaming the friends is wrong especially when you don't know what exactly down.

[ScottGem]

This is the last post I put on this thread, because the excuses are just rampant!

1. Wearing a skimpy outfit and drinking too much are not anywhere near the same thing. I get what you are saying, and as a former police officer it pisses me off that you put seem to be putting me in the category of "blame the victim" not the suspect...

2. Problems with handling alcohol go on the person...most people have problems with alcohol if they LET IT get the best of them. Calling someone an alcoholic because they have a low tolerance and don't know how to handle that is like calling a person a retard because they lack a lot of intellegence or are extremely slow in picking things up. I am sick of this society being so quick to say, "Aww..you poor thing, you must have a disease..that is why you act the way you do!" Get off your a$$, realize your actions and fix them.

3. The problem with the OP's girlfriend, or whatever the hell she is stems from her lack of self control, period. Maybe she is an alcoholic, I don't know...don't have enough information.

As far as giving consent when drunk, I would think that everytime I had drunk sex with my girlfriend, it would be classified as rape in your eyes.

I think there is a lot more to the story than meets the eye here. I would love to talk to the OP's girl so we could get a clear picture, as ANYTIME a person sleeps with 3 different strangers, regardless of intoxication level, there are bigger problems that need to be laid on the table. I am not trying to pick a fight, and I respect others' opinions. All in all, I just think all of us have been quick to pull the triger on something we don't have a lot of info about.

1. But that is exactly what you ARE doing.

2. Someone who gets "stone drunk" 3 times in a little over a year (and we don't know how many more times, we just know about the times when she had sex with someone other guy) is a strong sign of being an alcoholic.

3. Yes a lack of self control is a major part of her problem. But I will say it again, the promiscuity is a symptom of the alcoholism. Deal with the alcoholism and I believe the promiscuity will go away.

[HistorianChick]

Just because someone gets "stone drunk" does NOT give them the excuse to cheat. Why would you settle for that excuse?

If she got stone drunk and shot someone, the law wouldn't care.

Neither should you.

[ScottGem]

I don't believe the friends should be at blame either. I gurantee the friends were drinking to and it isn't their job to babysit her. I can't believe that her friends would just leave her with some random guy-something is missing.

So blaming the friends is wrong especially when you don't know what exactly down.

Whether something is missing or not, we have only the OP's story to go by. So we have to deal with as he tells it. And yes, girlfriends who let a friend get that drunk are enablers. And girlfriends that let a friend get that drunk and then leave her alone are not true friends.

I'm not blaming the girlfriends for her having sex, but I can and do blame them for enabling the situation.

[Alty]

I see all sides here.

I've been reluctant to join in the discussion, but I guess I'll throw in my 2 cents, minus tax.

Alcoholism is a possibility, but I have to agree with KC, we don't have enough info to make that diagnosis.

Is it rape if a woman is intoxicated and a guy takes advantage of that? I have two opinions on this. If she's drunk to the point where she's passed out, cannot give consent, then yes, I believe it's rape. If she's just too drunk to stop herself, but consents, then no, I don't think that qualifies as rape.

Alcohol makes you do stupid things, it lowers you inhibitions, makes you do things you wouldn't normally do but probably really want to.

If this had happened once, I'd say, okay, bad choice, you probably shouldn't drink, you shouldn't put yourself in a situation like this again and I'd tell the OP to go with his heart, work through the relationship if that's what he wanted, which he does.

But, this has happened 3 times now, that he knows of. Alcoholic or not, she's not in a place where she can commit to a relationship, that much is very clear.

Either way, she needs help, maybe with alcoholism, or sex addiction, or just plain lack of morals.

If it were me I'd pack my bags and leave. She needs to deal with this baggage, whatever it is, but how many times is the OP supposed to forgive and forget? How many more times in the future will he be put in the position? I'd bet this won't be the last "I got drunk and slept with a random guy" episode she has.

[slapshot_oi]

2. Someone who gets "stone drunk" 3 times in a little over a year (and we don't know how many more times, we just know about the times when she had sex with someone other guy) is a strong sign of being an alcoholic.

.. I'm really curious as to where do you get your information. Drinking to get drunk three times in over a year isn't excessive at all. I bet the Penguins organization has been stone drunk since Friday night.

When I think of intoxicated rape I think of the last scene in Kids, where Casper has sex with that girl who took way too much mescaline. She couldn't even speak, that is rape and anyone with a conscience wouldn't do that.

Anyway, I stand by what I said, __Me__, leave her before she leaves you.

[talaniman]

I think there is a lot more to the story than meets the eye here. I would love to talk to the OP's girl so we could get a clear picture, as ANYTIME a person sleeps with 3 different strangers, regardless of intoxication level, there are bigger problems that need to be laid on the table. I am not trying to pick a fight, and I respect others' opinions. All in all, I just think all of us have been quick to pull the trigger on something we don't have a lot of info about.

Alcoholism whether you believe it's a disease or not, is a symptom of a greater problem that needs to be addressed. Your right, there is a lot more to this story. Sadly they can't get help for themselves until they really want it. The OP rewards this by forgiving, because he doesn't know better, and needs some education as to his role of being with a drunk. He needs to leave, and let her fall flat on her face in the gutter, and pay the consequences of their actions. Just my honest opinion.

All you can do with a drunk, is protect yourself from their behavior.

[Justwantfair]

All you can do with a drunk, is protect yourself from their behavior.

I think this is key for the OP. It really doesn't matter what the reason, whether it's a symptom. This girl has issues to deal with.

This relationship is young.

The OP is young.

She needs counseling of some sort.

It's his choice, to allow/tolerate the behavior, but it is not in his best interest. He clearly isn't interested in what's right or wrong, he will continue this until her problems destroy him as well.

[ScottGem]

...? I'm really curious as to where do you get your information. Drinking to get drunk three times in over a year isn't excessive at all.

I will admit that I have no specifc reference to cite here. But "drinking to get drunk" is clearly a sign of alcoholism. One drinks because they like the taste and maybe the buzz. Most people drink as part of a social occasion. But I don't think anyone drinks for the specific purpose of getting drunk, unless they are an alcoholic.

As for the Penguins, I doubt if you would win your bet. Maybe a few of them did get stone drunk on Friday, but I doubt lasted past the next day.

[Justwantfair]

I will admit that I have no specifc reference to cite here. But "drinking to get drunk" is clearly a sign of alcoholism. One drinks because they like the taste and maybe the buzz. Most people drink as part of a social occassion. But I don't think anyone drinks for the specific purpose of getting drunk, unless they are an alcoholic.

As for the Penguins, I doubt if you would win your bet. Maybe a few of them did get stone drunk on Friday, but I doubt lasted past the next day.

Is this my own personal intervention? Are you trying to convince me that I have a drinking problem. I have never drank for the taste, I only drink until the room is spinning and I am feeling 'oh so good.' :eek: