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kochi · Jun 10, 2009, 07:46 AM

SO I am in this relationship now for about 4years.

Is is fair, rude, out of line to ask your girlfriend for oral sex?

spitvenom · Jun 10, 2009, 07:50 AM

I think it is rude that you never gotten oral in 4 years. Do you give her oral?

88sunflower · Jun 10, 2009, 07:50 AM

After 4 years? Not at all. Have you already been in sexual relations? Have you had this discussion yet? I mean fill us in more. But if your already having sex and she hasn't or you haven't asked then I think its fine to mention it.

kochi · Jun 10, 2009, 07:58 AM

Lol.. thanks for the response.
She won't even get on top during sex.. (she gets upset if I ask her.)

I am not allowed to kiss, or touch let alone give oral.

I have to hurry and "get it over with."

kochi · Jun 10, 2009, 07:59 AM

I have to ask permission.

88sunflower · Jun 10, 2009, 07:59 AM

OH my god! Are you her first? Well if not then run fast and far. No offense to her. But if your with her 4 years and that's all it is, well it won't get better.

spitvenom · Jun 10, 2009, 08:01 AM

How old are you two?

justcurious55 · Jun 10, 2009, 08:10 AM

She won't get on top even? Me and my boyfriend fight over who gets to be on top! Ha I don't know that it would help any, but have you tried slipping her a cosmo magazine or anything?

kochi · Jun 10, 2009, 08:10 AM

I am 32 she is 28.
NO first timers here.

Basically we couldn't be on more opposites scales of the relationship. When we were dating this things were not an issue. Later on everything became an issue.

1) She had a problem with sex and all because of the way men have treated/run away. (I am not doing that.)

2) Well then she doesn't enjoy sex. (okay, why not?) Well it hurts..

3) Why does it hurt.. apparently she ahs a condition called vulvadynia (found out last summer.) Went to see a gynocologist, nothing they can really do about it.

I got on forums etc, to research and try to find out what "we" can do about it. Got upset cause I was doing it so I could get more sex.

She doesn't like sex, but she "hates it with me." Because I make her submit.

I feel like there is something wrong with me for wanting to give/get oral, or for her to be on top, or to touch her or kiss her...

I have tried everything to support, go to counseling together...

88sunflower · Jun 10, 2009, 08:12 AM

Is it just with you or has she been like his with other partners?

Romefalls19 · Jun 10, 2009, 08:19 AM

I don't know how you should handle this. She seems pretty set on her ways and views about sex. What you need to think about is it a deal breaker. Personally if a girl was saying she "hates" sex with me, I'm going to leave. While sex isn't a big part of any relationship, the fact that she hates it would speak volumes.

kochi · Jun 10, 2009, 08:20 AM

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

Is it just with you or has she been like his with other partners?

Well apparently with all her partners, but no one has stuck around as long as I have. So now all the issues are popping up...

kochi · Jun 10, 2009, 08:23 AM

Yeah I am not sure that sex is a deal breaker..

But what might be is that fact that we don't kiss, can not touch, can't do anything. In 4 years, on my birthday, I ask for oral... "ewww NO!.""

Funny when we were dating it was not an issue. All of a sudden I'm disgusting to her.

88sunflower · Jun 10, 2009, 08:26 AM

Are you married, you keep saying when you were dating

kochi · Jun 10, 2009, 08:31 AM

No not married, but we live together.. idea was to move towards that.

88sunflower · Jun 10, 2009, 08:35 AM

If she was like this with other partners then be thankful its not just you. Although sex shouldn't be a deal breaker it can put a strain on having a healthy relationship or not. Even kissing and touching can be so nice at times and that isn't wanted either. I guess its tough. You can either love her enough to stick around. Or have a long talk. You seem like you would be happier in a more active sex life. Can you live like this forever?

kochi · Jun 10, 2009, 08:39 AM

There are weeks where I'm okay, and then there are weeks that it just really bugs the heck out of me..

I feel like there is always a hurdle to cross, and ones that are not there because this is life, its hoops that I have to jump through that she has put up.

Recently she's made me shave (mind, you its not like I'm the Zohan) now cause that bugs her too, apprantly it was hurting her. And even after I shaved she acted like it still did (hurt her), and I'm like now what... I shaved?

I get yelled at if I do not "enter" correctly, even that is now an issue.

88sunflower · Jun 10, 2009, 08:42 AM

I guess you have to sit and think if you can live like this or not. It will be a long life if she is never happy. I bet if you just stopped trying and stopped having sex that would make her happy. You have to think long term also. This may cause many more problems down the road.

spitvenom · Jun 10, 2009, 08:43 AM

The no kissing, the no touching, the being told how to enter would be a deal breaker for me. You might as well just be roomates at that point.

Romefalls19 · Jun 10, 2009, 08:46 AM

I agree with Spit, not only is she demanding, she's controlling too. If my fiancé said no to kissing me. I politely show her the door. To not have physical connection is like having a friendship, which is what you two seem to have