[Gemini54]

This person is determined to make your life miserable, and still you keep him around.

Yes, that's really commendable, compassionate even, but it only makes HIS life easier doesn't it? What about your life? What about your feelings?

He's now shown you his true colours:

He said I had "betrayed" him by being "unstable" and "aggressive" in my response to the fight. He said two unstable people cannot help each other, and he therefore, as much as it sucks, needs to deal with everything on his own, behind a wall, and keep me at arm's length. I strongly suggested he get therapy, to get an unbiased perspective on his life, but he says they won't be able to help him.

Spoken like the true narcissist Jake suggested he is.

Don't kid yourself that by being kind to him in some way you'll earn his appreciation and respect. He's determined to blame everyone else for the things that happen to him and from now on you'll be in the same 'box' in his mind as the Ex.

Unfortunately, your pain won't go away overnight - it's called grieving and disappointment and it's something we all go through when relationships end.

The thing that you can and must do, as the other posters have already said is get him out of your house. ASAP.

[cassicat4]

He's looking for his own place.
He said we're friends. I'm OK with that. I thought that meant I was still important to him on some level, and that was comforting. To me, that would mean he really does have issues, that it's not me, and that it doesn't change the way he feels about me.
Today was my b-day, and he didn't even acknowledge it. I know he knows what day it is, because 2 months ago he was talking about what we should do to celebrate it. I guess he's become so self-centered because of everything lately that he really did forget.
It shouldn't have hurt me as much as it did. I thought on some level he still cared, still felt something for me. Guess not. How do you get over being this angry and in this much pain? So many of you have done that, and I'm so proud and impressed at you guys for doing so. I keep thinking I'm not that strong though.

[Jake2008]

If you look at your original post/question, you have many of the same concerns then, that you do now. Same deal, different day. You are still trying to figure him out, and, I suspect, win him back. Neither is going to happen.

Try to think of what you are letting go, and what you will gain from it.

Write out a list of 10 things that you will NOT miss.

I had said earlier that you should seek counselling. At the very least, keep a daily diary of how you are feeling so you can see progress as he moves closer to the door. Think positive about having your own space again! Your own power and control to make decisions that you want to make that are good for you. Give yourself the luxury of thinking that you can, and you will do better for yourself. You don't need this man in your life. The relationship is over. Let him go.

Counselling can help you work through the steps of greiving as Gemini said. This is a huge part of how you let go of your past, and move on with confidence in your future. If you don't work through this and remain wondering about things like why he forgot your birthday, you'll be spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere.

Take charge. Start by giving yourself the momentum to take back your life. While he is casually working at finding another place to live, you give him the date. Tell him it is just too difficult for you to have him in the house, and you want him out by the weekend.

In the main part of the house, if he has any belongings laying around, pack them up. Put all pictures, gifts, personal items of his, in a box too. Anything he doesn't need for day to day living such as clothes, put them in a box. Make sure that there is no excuse or reason for him to return after he's finally on his way.

You will not find your strength in thinking about how you are going to get through all of this. You will find your strength in taking charge, accepting that it is over, and making a commitment to face the future without him. There is no magic pill to get you through this.

Thinking you are not going to be strong enough isn't an option. Pull yourself together, start taking steps to take your life back, and say goodbye to the past.

[Gemini54]

He's looking for his own place.
He said we're friends. I'm ok with that. I thought that meant i was still important to him on some level, and that was comforting. To me, that would mean he really does have issues, that it's not me, and that it doesn't change the way he feels about me.
Today was my b-day, and he didn't even acknowledge it. I know he knows what day it is, because 2 months ago he was talking about what we should do to celebrate it. I guess he's become so self-centered because of everything lately that he really did forget.
It shouldn't have hurt me as much as it did. I thought on some level he still cared, still felt something for me. Guess not. How do you get over being this angry and in this much pain? So many of you have done that, and i'm so proud and impressed at you guys for doing so. I keep thinking i'm not that strong though.

Look up narcissist on the internet, and you'll possibly see some similarities to what you're dealing with here. At least it will assist yo to understand that it's not about you.

It's not easy to get over the pain, because you were willing to give of yourself, but you will. No one ever died of a broken heart, as they say in the classics.

Take it a day at a time.