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lostthegirlilov · Jun 5, 2009, 04:56 PM

So me and my exgf were dating for about a 1.5 years. I am 21 and she is a year younger. She came to college with a boyfriend and then got dumped over thanksgiving and then we started datin in feb. well we had so much fun and excitement together till about augest when she got an MIP. We finished up the summer having tons of fun together when we could see each other. Then when we came back to school everything was great except that she would be scared to go out anymore so we would just hang out at her house. We would still go out to dinners and were really romantic. Then at about 1 year we went out for a great dinner and were still having tons of fun. And she just started going out again but still would not go crazy together like she used to. Then at spring break we went camping with people and had tons of fun, then like a week later as we were laying in bed she told me that she was getting a little bored with the relationship and I needed to start thinking of things to do. Well in may we went on a break because she said that it was because she wanted to see if the break would bring back what we lost. And I asked her what that was and she said the fun and romanticness we had. She felt like we lost it. (I understand why kind of cause all we did for that last few months was sit around and do homework and watch TV and go to bed and would not go out or do anything really romantic anymore). So I said OK and we were on a break for about 3 weeks. Well when we got back together to talk about it she said she wanted to break up for good. The three weeks we were on a break she started partying and being wild again like when I first met her. So I asked her why she could not do that when we were together and she said it was not the same. She said she wanted to have fun like she did when she was single and she was again when we were on our break. And she just wanted to be free and single. We never got into fights always had fun together. The reason I think things got boring is because of the monotany of school and when she got her MIP so we would not go out. She also said it was because we had nothing more to learn or experience with each other. But I know that, that can make things boring also but I feel like if we were to just be away from each other for the summer then it would be better and we would not feel bored. She still tells me she loves me and its been about a week, she told me that I was her best friend, which you would think would be good for a relationship, and I told her she was my best friend also. This may have also been the cause to why we got bored cause we just hung out so much. She wants to stay my best friend and still wants me to come visit her in New York which I think I will still do cause that was what I was looking forward to all summer and its about a month and a half from now. I just don't get why she could feel so in love with me and talk to me about living together in the future and then just want to be free. I guess I did have 1.5 years in college as being single and she only had 2 months. And all of her Facebook pictures are basically us together. She said she wants to experience college to its fullest, and I understand that.
I want to move on but I feel like there still may be a chance with us. What should I do. Is there a chance that we can get back together and how can I get her back. Is there a chance for us in the future.

lostthegirlilov · Jun 5, 2009, 04:59 PM

I know everyone on here says to go no contact but she is my best friend and I have really wanted to visit New York. So I told her that she needs to call me while she is in New York and pick a date for me to come visit. Can I do this or is this a bad idea. I don't think I could not have her in my life at all. I don't think I could lose her as my best friend. I just feel like if we don't talk or maybe hang out then we will lose that connection.

liz28 · Jun 5, 2009, 06:24 PM

Okay she might be your best friend but she is no lover your girlfriend. Right now I don't think you can accept just be friends because of your feelings for her and your sort of living on false hope.

Ask yourself "will you be okay to hear about her dates, seeing her with another, or hearing about being intimate with someone else?" If not, then your definitely not ready to be just a friend.

Sometimes people change and relationship comes with no guarantees but you have to give her credit for being honesty with you.

Right now she wants no commitments because she want to go out and serve her wild oats. Given her age and these are her college years you can't knock her for that. It is best this happen now rather than later and some how I think you know this was going happen but didn't wanted face it. Ignoring things are easier than facing them.

Right now you move out and accept things are over and let go. Start healing and know you can't change her mind but you can work on moving on. Break-ups are tough but you will survive. Even a baby falls a few times when they're learning how to work but the best thing about kids is that they fall and get back up and try again. I know you feel broken inside but this will only make you stronger.

Also, regarding her coming to New York and you wanting to set up a date with her to show her around--I think this isn't a good idea. The break-up is fresh and your feelings are still raw. This will only break you down more and left you feelings more broken.

talaniman · Jun 5, 2009, 09:10 PM

Sorry guy, I think you filled a void after her break up, and when she felt better, she decided to go and have fun on her own.

Leave this one alone, as I think she needs to do her thing without you, and no matter what you do, that won't change. Sorry again, but I don't see her coming back, in a romantic way, at all.

none12345 · Jun 5, 2009, 09:24 PM

I coudnt help but notice the title of the thread is you considered her the "one". I wonder why the "one" is someone that broke up with you?

You said you want to move on. Well there's your answer move on by disappearing from her life. Is there chance of getting back with her? Possibly because life is unpredictable but don't count on it.

ayejay0601 · Jun 5, 2009, 11:07 PM

Listen, my situation is somewhat similar. And I am heartbroken and want to hold on. But here is a fact: If you contact her, you will push her away. If you try to get every piece of info you can about her--through her friends or Facebook or whatever--you will only end up hurting yourself and prolonging your misery.

If you want this pain to go away as quickly as possible, seriously put away all her stuff and everything that reminds you of her. Put it all away into a box or something. Move on and date other people. That will do 2 things (1) Help you heal (2) Maximize the chance that you may get her back (if you still want her).

Trust me on this. Everyone on this thread told me the same, and I just thought that they didn't understand my situation. But trust me. You must do this. For yourself.

lostthegirlilov · Jun 6, 2009, 08:02 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Sorry guy, I think you filled a void after her break up, and when she felt better, she decided to go and have fun on her own.

Leave this one alone, as I think she needs to do her thing without you, and no matter what you do, that wont change. Sorry again, but I don't see her coming back, in a romantic way, at all.

I don't think I just filled a void because, we dated for 1.5 years and she told me after we started dating that she was not going to go out with me. But since I went after her and made an effort she decided she would go out with me.

lostthegirlilov · Jun 6, 2009, 08:13 AM

I am also stuck because we ended our break a week ago on Sunday and she came over on Monday night and we just hung out and we also had sex. And the next day I felt better, not because I thought that it meant we still had a chance but it was nice to just see her again. Then on wed I asked her if she wanted to come over again and she said that she wanted to but did not know when she could. And I guess I may have asked her too much cause I asked her again on Thursday. Then I did not talk to her on Friday but saw her Friday night at a party and did not talk to her really besides saying hi. When I left though I said goodbye and gave her a hug and she said out of no where that we could not hook up anymore. My prob is that I feel like I need to at least hang with her again before she leaves on Tuesday. And it would be all right if we had just hooked up on Monday and never talked about it but the fact we did and we planned on it is what is making it hard now cause now I am waiting for her again. Also she is the one who is going to New York and wants me to come still towards the end of July.

none12345 · Jun 6, 2009, 08:13 AM

Originally Posted by lostthegirlilov

I dont think i just filled a void because, we dated for 1.5 years and she told me after we started dating that she was not going to go out with me. but since i went after her and made an effort she decided she would go out with me.

She dated you right after she broke up. You were her rebound, just there to cushion her fall and probably she felt obligated to stay even though she might not have any feelings for you afterwards that's how you guys lasted for 1.5 years.

ayejay0601 · Jun 6, 2009, 08:15 AM

I hate to say it, but she met someone else. I am almost sure...

lostthegirlilov · Jun 6, 2009, 08:20 AM

Well she told me that she and all of her friends did not want to go on a date with me and she was not going to but I was percistant so she did. We did not really get serious till about a month after that. You when we finally talked after our break she told me she loved me the whole time and her feelings did not change until about a month before we went on a break.

talaniman · Jun 6, 2009, 09:41 AM

I don't think I just filled a void because, we dated for 1.5 years

Read some of the other posts here of how difficult break ups are, and how long it takes to heal, and compare that to your own experience right now, and the difficulties your having letting go.

What's telling, is she was ready to move forward. And is. You keep mentioning your persistence in pursuing her. Lets face it, she needed your help in HER healing process. Now its your turn for the moving on part.

lostthegirlilov · Jun 6, 2009, 10:36 AM

OK. I just don't understand how I could be her healing process if we dated for a 1.5 years. Why would she put in so much effort and go through the whole process of me meeting her family and extended. We had talked about where we might live after college and if we thought we could be with each other we thought we could, and she was the one to bring these things up