Check out some similar questions!

Meow420 · May 25, 2009, 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by Rich11111

These two statements contradict each other to me

There is a big difference between Having an open relationship and cheating. If he truly loved her he would not have been betraying her for 10 years.

I am glad that you have decided to sort this all out though.

I think he does love her.. I think it is possible to love someone with all your heart but have sex with other people.

Yes I'm glad I'm seeking counselling too. Its been a long time coming. The people on here have been a great support team kind of thing lol

I wish · May 25, 2009, 11:47 AM

For the record, I am completely against cheating, but I'm going to take a different view on this.

The situation you are in is "friends with benefits." I was reading earlier posts that he tells you about his problems with his wife and you two seem to have a good friendship. He openly tells you that he loves his wife and nothing more will happen with you. And he listens to you when you need to talk. You seem happy with this type of arrangement.

The problem that everyone is having is that you are having sex together.

Sex with another person while being married = cheating

Bottom line, we can't tell you how to live your life, if you can live with your actions, then you wouldn't have asked us for our views. If you ask us for our views, you should know that that there is a zero tolorence policy in this forum.

By coming into this forum and asking if you are a horrible person to be in this situation, it means part of your already feels guilty about it. By defending your actions, you're not only trying to convince us, but you are also trying to convince yourself.

N0help4u · May 25, 2009, 01:39 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

Sex with another person while being married = cheating

Bottom line, we can't tell you how to live your life, if you can live with your actions, then you wouldn't have asked us for our views. If you ask us for our views, you should know that that there is a zero tolorence policy in this forum.

By coming into this forum and asking if you are a horrible person to be in this situation, it means part of your already feels guilty about it. By defending your actions, you're not only trying to convince us, but you are also trying to convince yourself.

Yeah really! The OP ASKED IF we thought she was a horrible person and then goes on to justify being with a married man. I know if it was my guy I WOULD want to know so I could say BYE!!
Just because the wife doesn't know doesn't make it okay.

DoulaLC · May 25, 2009, 02:58 PM

Are you a horrible person for doing this? You may not be a horrible person, but your actions are. Are you wrong? Of course you are wrong and you know it. I hope the counseling helps you to think better of yourself and allow you to have some empathy for others as well.

If he truly loved her he would be putting her before himself... he would not be participating in actions that could cause her tremendous pain... if he felt he needed help with a possible addiction, he would be seeking help for it so as not to put his marriage in harms way.

He may indeed love her, but he doesn't love her enough to stop putting his desires before her.

If he truly loved her with all of his heart, you would not be in the picture. He is using both of you for different purposes.

horsespferde123 · May 25, 2009, 06:08 PM

I had the same thing done to me just recently. My husband cheating durign the 1year of actual marriage. And I know how I feel about the whore he slept with. I take it his wife has no idea? Otherwise he either wouldn't be married anymore and then takign up more of your precious time, or he wouldn't be allowed out anymore and she'd be hunting you down with a shotgun.
If I were you, I'd watch my back. Cause your building yourself this beautiful nest of lies, and sooner or later it'll coem back in threes

Meow420 · May 25, 2009, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by horsespferde123

i had the same thing done to me just recently. my husband cheating durign the 1year of actual marriage. and i know how i feel about the whore he slept with. i take it his wife has no idea? otherwise he either wouldnt be married anymore and then takign up more of your precious time, or he wouldnt be allowed out anymore and she'd be hunting you down with a shotgun.
if i were you, i'd watch my back. cause your building yourself this beautiful nest of lies, and sooner or later it'll coem back in threes

Im sorry your husband cheated on you. Its never a nice thing.

martina59 · May 25, 2009, 08:46 PM

As I can see, people here are pretty narrow minded.
HELLO... YOU'RE the one who asked ppls. Opinions... to make the judgement that we're narrowminded is just plain wrong. And to answer you're question... You're not horrible, but what you're doing IS!!

Meow420 · May 25, 2009, 08:50 PM

Originally Posted by martina59

As i can see, ppl here are pretty narrow minded.
HELLO.......... YOU'RE the one who asked ppls. opinions....to make the judgement that we're narrowminded is just plain wrong. And to answer you're question...You're not horrible, but what you're doing IS!!!

Yes I did make that statement when I first started getting responses from people. If u kept reading, as I talked more with people, I can see where they are coming from. I was in defense mode that's all.. I don't think that at all now after having many different conversations with people on here. Most have been very positive and I thank them for the time they have taken to make comment on my questions.

BlackVY · May 25, 2009, 09:13 PM

Originally Posted by Meow420

Yes i did make that statement when i first started getting responses from people. If u kept reading, as i talked more with people, i can see where they are coming from. I was in defense mode thats all.. I dont think that at all now after having many different conversations with people on here. Most have been very positive and i thank them for the time they have taken to make comment on my questions.

Also, you have taken steps and realize what's going on, and that its not right, so not only did you get people's opinions in here, but you also learned more about yourself and know what you must do.

I see that you are talking to a counselor, so that is really good to hear.

I hope you get all the help you need in overcoming and dealing with your addiction.

So you may be doing the wrong thing with this guy, but now you see it is bad, and you are doing something about it. I wish you all the best, and keep up the strong Aussie spirit. You will get through this... I'm sure of that... :)

Meow420 · May 25, 2009, 09:21 PM

Originally Posted by BlackVY

Also, you have taken steps and realize whats going on, and that its not right, so not only did you get people's opinions in here, but you also learned more about yourself and know what you must do.

I see that you are talking to a counselor, so that is really good to hear.

I hope you get all the help you need in overcoming and dealing with your addiction.

So you may be doing the wrong thing with this guy, but now you see it is bad, and you are doing something about it. I wish you all the best, and keep up the strong Aussie spirit. You will get through this... I'm sure of that... :)

Thank you for your comment! Things get a little crazy sometimes and when you find yourself asking "am i ok?" it is hard to hear that something you are doing is not. But I always keep an open mind in things and I know that I'm not always right.

I have a good feeling about the counselling, as I've said in previous posts though, I wish I was seeing the counsellor today and not next week, but I can wait lol... besides, I have you guys to keep me thinking in the right direction!

artlady · May 25, 2009, 09:23 PM

Originally Posted by martina59

As i can see, ppl here are pretty narrow minded.
HELLO.......... YOU'RE the one who asked ppls. opinions....to make the judgement that we're narrowminded is just plain wrong. And to answer you're question...You're not horrible, but what you're doing IS!!!

Why are you being so aggressive and SCREAMING in caps ?

Why would you yell at a person who you don't even know?

Meow420 · May 25, 2009, 09:27 PM

Originally Posted by artlady

Why are you being so agressive and SCREAMING in caps ?

Why would you yell at a person who you don't even know?

Artlady x x you are a really nice person x x don't ever change x x

BlackVY · May 25, 2009, 09:32 PM

Originally Posted by Meow420

Thank you for your comment! Things get a little crazy sometimes and when you find yourself askin "am i ok?" it is hard to hear that something you are doing is not. But I always keep an open mind in things and i know that im not always right.

I have a good feeling about the counselling, as ive said in previous posts tho, i wish i was seeing the counsellor today and not next week, but i can wait lol... besides, i have you guys to keep me thinking in the right direction!

That's cool... very positive attitude. Maybe from now till the time you go for the counseling, you could relax and do something fun, something to take your mind off all that is going on. You really shouldn't beat yourself up over this stuff. You are doing the right thing now and trying to make things right, so concentrate on that.

I know it hurts when you ask yourself if you are OK and if you are right, and people are telling you that you are wrong and bad and stuff, but that's just people's opinions. What is most important is you asking yourself why they are saying that. They are seeing something you didn't see or choose not to see, which leads to their opinion. If you see it, then you will realize something is not right

That's right, keep an open mind and listen to what people are saying. I know why you were defensive in the beginning, you were bombarded with negative comments, but you took them in after a while and they benefited you. That's really positive.

See how things go with the counselor and I do hope everything gets sorted out for you

friend4u178 · May 25, 2009, 09:37 PM

Originally Posted by Meow420

Artlady x x you are a really nice person x x dont ever change x x

Hey what about me :rolleyes:...

Just kidding Meow ;) I'm glad your heading in the right direction.

artlady · May 25, 2009, 10:07 PM

Originally Posted by Meow420

Artlady x x you are a really nice person x x dont ever change x x

Honey,I can't change.I'm 55 in a few weeks and than I officially can say I am a senior ,treat me right :cool:

Meow420 · May 25, 2009, 10:19 PM

Originally Posted by artlady

Honey,I can't change.I'm 55 in a few weeks and than I officially can say I am a senior ,treat me right :cool:

Good for you!! If I don't remember, you have a wonderful birthday!! X x x x

Meow420 · May 25, 2009, 10:21 PM

Originally Posted by BlackVY

Thats right, keep an open mind and listen to what people are saying. I know why you were defensive in the beginning, you were bombarded with negative comments, but you took them in after a while and they benefited you. Thats really positive.

See how things go with the counselor and I do hope everything gets sorted out for you

The positive feedback from people has been great and I thank you!

Also friend4u178 & Blackvy & Gemini54 - thank you too.. wonderful people with kind hearts x x x

BlackVY · May 25, 2009, 10:33 PM

Its nice to be appreciated, but its better when the advice and opinions we give actually help the person, so thank you :)

artlady · May 25, 2009, 11:29 PM

Originally Posted by Meow420

Good for you!!! if i dont remember, you have a wonderful birthday!!! x x x x

Hay I'm invested now so come back to let us know how you are doing in your future .or not :)

hoping4best130 · May 26, 2009, 01:20 AM

Why it all his to be about him. Like a typical youngster you are in this situation because you think you are helping him out, you are changing him and making him a better man, by giving up sleeping with prostitutes and start sleeping with you.

What about your own self, is this the kind of relationship you wanted for yourself. What if he is seeing you on Monday seeing another one on Tuesday and so on. He deceived his wife for 10 years whom he loves very much, can you imagine how he really thinks of you. Why are you degrading yourself so much. Am sure you deserve a lot better donot you?