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    killza's Avatar
    killza Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    May 23, 2009, 09:25 PM
    Rate my love letter
    100% original. Be honest. Go.


    Ever since I met you, happiness has become something unexplainable, a feeling that no words can describe, only that happiness has its own mind, invading my very thoughts, movements and words. My heart wonders to you like a lost child to his mother, desperate for her love and care. You are my solace, my secret and my soul. You are the dreams of my dreams, the sweetness of honey, the softness of clouds, the stars of the sky and the rays of the sun. For you, I would stand at the edge of earth, stare down into the void of time and wait forever. Forever… if that’s what it takes to be near you, to feel you in my arms, to kiss you in the rain, to share love in its purest form then so be it. Forever will only be a trickle in time. Your eyes unbar a window to the garden of prosperous, rich with honesty, kindness and humility. Only the most immaculate humans are given this spotless window. When I’m with you, a thousand needles go to work, sewing together the dawn of my sentiments. Sewing and sewing, until the twilight comes and sets my heart at peace. The peace of knowing the needles wove together life, the life of a beautiful and enchanted forest grown on the soils of unmalleable love. In the blistering cold of winter, you wrap me in the blanket of love, bonding tightly against my body, softly, tenderly and warmly. In the stanching heat of the summer, you are the ever so gentle summer rain that daintily approaches me with the touch of tenderness. In the glittering eyes of spring, you are elegance of a thousand roses that grow in the womb of Mother Nature. In the damp heath of autumn, you are the beauty and grace of the rain as it meets Earth, the sound of an angel playing its harp…exquisitely, softly, and tenderly. I write this with the pen made from cupid’s feather and the ink from the glistening chaotic beauty that we call love. I look up in the sky and I see stars, stars that have traveled so long that no humans can conceive but yet, they are here, glittering in the sky, shining down on us, shrouding us with its magnificence.You are that star, travelling through the journey of time and when we meet, it will be an ambrosial love… I love you.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #2

    May 23, 2009, 09:50 PM
    Some of the imgery doesn't see to flow, but here's my version (not much changed) --

    Ever since I met you, happiness has become something unexplainable, a feeling that no words can describe, only that happiness has its own mind, invading my very thoughts, movements and words.
    My heart races to you like a lost child to his mother, desperate for her love and care.
    You are my solace, my secret, and my soul.
    You are the dream of my dreams, the sweetness of honey, the softness of clouds, the stars in the sky, and the rays of the sun.
    For you, I would stand at the edge of earth, stare down into the void of time, and wait forever.
    Forever...if that's what it takes to be near you, to feel you in my arms, to kiss you in the rain, to share love in its purest form--then so be it. Forever will only be a trickle in time.
    Your eyes unbar a window to the garden of prosperity, rich with honesty, kindness, and humility.
    Only the most immaculate humans are given this spotless window.
    When I'm with you, a thousand needles go to work, sewing together the dawn of my sentiments--sewing and sewing until the twilight comes and sets my heart at peace, the peace of knowing the needles wove together life, the life of a beautiful and enchanted forest grown on the soils of unmalleable love.
    In the blistering cold of winter, you wrap me in the blanket of love, bonding tightly against my body, softly, tenderly, and warmly.
    In the scorching heat of summer, you are the ever-so-gentle summer rain that daintily approaches me with the touch of tenderness.
    In the glittering eyes of spring, you are elegance of a thousand roses that grow in the womb of Mother Nature.
    In the damp heath of autumn, you are the beauty and grace of the rain as it meets Earth, the sound of an angel playing his harp...exquisitely, softly, and tenderly.
    I write this with the pen made from Cupid's feather and the ink from the glistening chaotic beauty that we call love.
    I look up in the sky and see stars, stars that have traveled so long that no humans can conceive, but yet, they are here, glittering in the sky, shining down on us, shrouding us with their magnificence.
    You are my star, travelling through the journey of time, and, when we meet, it will be an ambrosial love...
    I love you.
    ajGambino's Avatar
    ajGambino Posts: 317, Reputation: 97
    Full Member
     
    #3

    May 23, 2009, 09:58 PM

    Who's this letter for and why?

    Honestly, this is a little too deep for whatever reason. Instead of making the point across (you love this person, obviously), you overdo it by far. Instad of the truth, you make up a bunch of clicks and whistles that sound good but might scare and put hesitation towards the one you want to give this to.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #4

    May 23, 2009, 10:21 PM

    You wrote "and when we meet" -- so that means you have never met this person? Not only did some of the imagery not flow, but was also over the top. It could be toned down and still be a terrific love poem/letter.
    killza's Avatar
    killza Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #5

    May 23, 2009, 10:25 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    You wrote "and when we meet" -- so that means you have never met this person? Not only did some of the imagery not flow, but was also over the top. It could be toned down and still be a terrific love poem/letter.
    All right thanks ^^

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