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Romefalls19 · May 20, 2009, 12:43 PM

1. You can't win him back, nobody is a prize therefore you can't win them
2.Never call him, you guys broke up. You said MORE than you had to say, then called him to reaffirm what you just sent in a text.

Just give him space, it's what he asked for, now respect it

Triysle · May 20, 2009, 02:05 PM

Right now you shouldn't be focusing on getting him back, you should be focusing on getting your own life sorted out. You can live without him, and yes, you can be happy without him. It's just figuring out how to do that that can be hard sometimes. Check some of the stickies for some ideas :)

Be glad it was a mutual breakup, and be glad he was able to communicate his desires to you. It sucks that so often we see breakups where one person is left completely hanging and has no idea what to do. He specifically asked for one thing - space. Give it to him, but not because you want him back. Give it because you respect him, and because you want your OWN life to get back on track.

Best wishes,

~ Tee

I wish · May 20, 2009, 02:37 PM

How can a breakup be mutual if you want him back?

Sounds like a one sided break up to me. You two broke up for a reason, or multiple reasons.

Even if you want him back, you have to give each other some space to recover from this event.

You should only call each other when you feel "ready" (no timeline) and NOT because you "want" to "repair" the damage.

rose246 · May 20, 2009, 02:38 PM

Omg,I do think I pushed it pretty far.like,I texted him to break up,then I asked him out and talked about the whole thing,which didn't go well,he asked if he can get a hug at the end and I yelled at him and asked him to leave,and he was feeling guilty leaving me in the dark,but then again I told him just leave I don't want to see you.then,the next day,I apologized and said I understand how he doesn't want to see me.then I called and made sure everything was all right! oh,god,what was I thinking?

I wish · May 20, 2009, 02:45 PM

It doesn't matter anymore, you can't change what happened. Just leave each other alone until you have recovered.

liz28 · May 20, 2009, 02:47 PM

It sounds like this guy was trying to be nice to you in saying he forgave you but one thing is for sure he didn't forget.

Maybe you should work on your anger if your saying hateful things to someone you love. This doesn't fly in my book. You can say means things and expect everything to be okay with a "I'm sorry". If you feel upset than walk away and cool down. Then revisit the situation/discussion with a cool head and this will prevent you from saying things you won't regret.

Can you win him back? I doubt it and I can give you an endless list of things to do but in the end your only be wasting time and money.

I think you should learn from the mistakes made here and don't repeat it because at the end of the day this is what is most important.

Leave this guy alone and stop focusing on him. He said his peace and you can only accept it and not trying to push, force, and beg him into your life.

I wish · May 20, 2009, 03:46 PM

Had to spread rep. Liz28 is right!

This isn't a game, you don't "win" someone back. You can't force someone to feel a certain way. It has to be mutual.

Furthermore, stop focusing on him, it's time to focus on yourself. You have some recovering to do.

hotbabe23 · May 21, 2009, 12:26 PM

Sorry my bad.its just that I'm going through the same thing

I wish · May 21, 2009, 12:40 PM

Originally Posted by hotbabe23

today i went out on my own,and had a long walk,met some new men(yes not one but three lol) who asked me out.so,this is what i have realized:i will go on with my life and try how it feels,however,i will see how it goes for two weeks,by then i will have my head and thoughts together.if i still feel like talking to him,i will call him and get it out of my chest and try one last time.but if i want him back out of lonliness then i would have moved on anyway.
do u think i should do this?cause right now thats what feels right to me

Don't piggyback on someone else's thread. Create your own thread.

rose246 · May 21, 2009, 01:33 PM

Pardon me hotbabe23.but don't u think it's rude of you to say something like that when I'm in pain right now?like I wish said:get your own thread will you?

I wish · May 21, 2009, 01:46 PM

Originally Posted by hotbabe23

sorry my bad.its just that im going through the same thing

No problem. Just share what you are going through if you feel that it will contribute to this thread. If you need advice, then create your own and we'll help you there.

rose246 · May 21, 2009, 07:56 PM

OK,I thought about it.and now I realize that he's not coming back.everyday I wait for him to call me,but,it's clear to me that he won't,deep down I am sure he won't even if I tell myself lies.I admit,I can't sleep for more than three hours without waking up and thinking of him,and it's hard .
But I think I'm ready to move on.how do I do it?

I wish · May 21, 2009, 08:05 PM

Originally Posted by rose246

ok,i thought about it.and now i realize that he's not coming back.everyday i wait for him to call me,but,it's clear to me that he wont,deep down i am sure he wont even if i tell myself lies.i admit,i can't sleep for more than three hours without waking up and thinking of him,and it's hard .
but i think i'm ready to move on.how do i do it?

There's no magic potion. You just got to give yourself time. With time, it will get easier and easier.

What could help is to implement the no contact rules. Do not contact him. Block him from your email, social networks, IM. Don't pick up his phone calls. Any time of communication will just prolong the recovery process.

If you ever feel the urge to talk to him, then find something else to do. Call a friend, vent on this forum. Whatever you do, avoid him. Avoiding getting updates about his life (this applies if you have common friends).

Here is the rest of the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

joysjrny · May 21, 2009, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by rose246

omg,i do think i pushed it pretty far.like,i texted him to break up,then i asked him out and talked about the whole thing,which didnt go well,he asked if he can get a hug at the end and i yelled at him and asked him to leave,and he was feeling guilty leaving me in the dark,but then again i told him just leave i dont want to see you.then,the next day,i apologized and said i understand how he doesnt want to see me.then i called and made sure everything was alright!!oh,god,what was i thinking?

Look I understand where you are coming from. First of all did you feel confident in the relationship or did you feel like you were on a roller coaster? A woman can sense when a man is backing off and she reacts out of fear. Yet, that does not excuse us because we should be trying to communicate all along. Sometimes men need their space to sort out their emotions and relationship goals. I didn't realize that until I read the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. There should not be a time on this at all but a time for you to reflect (read what you just wrote) and think of how you can communicate better. Maybe you felt very in love with him and it in turn made you feel insecure and you put that all on him. I am a very picky woman and will not date just anyone and lost my true love recently due to my emotions. Part of it was him too, but I can only be accountable for me. Now, when should I write or call him? I don't know, but I love him. I want to be there for him during this hard time in his life, but if he doesn't see me being there as a help then it defeats the purpose.

rose246 · May 22, 2009, 06:05 AM

Ah,I just knew it deep down.we used to go out every couple o days,he always had time for me,we talked everyday.but then all that changed and I thought maybe it's because of his new jobs and school,maybe I'm overreacting.but I wasn't.when I finally told him I can't do this anymore(that I don't fool round with someone I'm not in serious relationship with),he said:when I told you this relationship isn't serious,I thought you will understnd that I didn't feel the same way about you anymore.come on,I wasted months on him and he didn't have the balls to tell me that in my face before!! that's where all the anger and all the mean thing I said to him came from.I do regret saying them,but,won't any other woman feel so used after this?

joysjrny · May 22, 2009, 07:03 AM

Now I can understand why you didn't want to give him a hug... it was because you wanted him to be real with you. Definitely don't call him at all. It is not worth it. You are feeling this way because you were hoping that your relationship might change. So, if he doesn't feel the same way about you then why be intimate? It is hard at times when in our hearts we see ourselves with someone and they don't seem to reciprocate. But keep your head up and the best revenge is to look and be at your best! HUGS!

rose246 · May 22, 2009, 07:11 AM

Thank you.I will try to do so.