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JTS31708 · May 13, 2009, 05:04 PM

My friend has been dating this girl for just about a year and 3 months now. They have been on and off 4 times because she thinks she can do whatever she wants and basically bosses him around. She is from colombia and doesn't have papers and my friend who I have known almost all my life wants to marry her. He's 19 she is 18. His girlfriend doesn't like me because she hates when me and him go out to hangout or chill with other friends. She wants him for herself and no one else. She wants to marry him to, but she is the one who treats him like s**t and tells him what to do and basically has him on a leash. He goes along with it because he doesn't want to get her mad. Well a few days ago he actually went out and spent all of his money on a ring for her so he can propose to her! I told him as long as he's happy then its cool (but in my head I'm like your so stupid your 19 and getting a ring for a girl who treats you like sh*t and doesn't have papers. I really think the only reason she wants to marry him is for papers so she can be legal here in the U.S. I want to tell him that I think it's a huge mistake on the marrying part.

Should I do anything about it or let him continue to get used and be a doormat for her and let him live his life and learn the hard way?

JTS31708 · May 13, 2009, 05:06 PM

She is also the type who goes out to clubs every Friday or Saturday to dance with other guys while he is not there and flirts with them and gets there numbers. But I really think she is the type who would get her papers and leave him!

superk · May 13, 2009, 05:12 PM

You can't do anything with the one who doesn't want to listen but just watch and say "I told you so" at the end.

Are you sure she's an illegally residing? Then you may contact immigration so she can be deported.

It doesn't mean that she married the US citizen she can just get the citizenship specially if her history will be checked.

JTS31708 · May 13, 2009, 05:18 PM

She can get it as long as they have been married for 2 years
And yes she is completely illegal but I'm not the type of person who would do that I just think it's a huge mistake them getting married or even thinking about it

superk · May 13, 2009, 05:22 PM

As a citizen of your country, you have the responsibility to report anything you find unlawful.

Your friend is not listening and will not listen to to you but he will with the officers.

none12345 · May 13, 2009, 05:33 PM

She is his girlfriend, which means she is going to be more important to him than you.

If he decides to be with her knowing all of this, that is his decision and you can't do anything about it.

You can let him know how you feel but in the end it is his decision to make.

liz28 · May 13, 2009, 06:05 PM

People only do what you allow them to do to you. So if your friend is allowing this girl to treat him like crap then it is his fault. He needs to wake up and smell the coffee.

I understand when you have friends you hate to see them treated wrong and knows they deserve better. However I know when some people are in love their common sense goes out the door. When you try to point the red flags out to them they only get mad or pay you no mind. It goes in one ear and out the other.

Depending on your friendship with him I would voice your concerns to him but don't expect him to listen and don't get upset if he catches an atitude. Once you tell him what you want then wash your hands of this matter. Some people going to fall flat of their face before they wake up.

JTS31708 · May 14, 2009, 11:25 AM

Thanks to everyone for the advice!

talaniman · May 14, 2009, 11:44 AM

Stop hanging around him, tell him why, You don't want to see a friend run headfirst into a brick wall.

Some people only learn the hard way, when they are caught in the consequences of bad decisions. Losing your friendship will be a consequence I hope he learns from.

Actions speak louder than words. Time for talking is over.

88sunflower · May 14, 2009, 11:51 AM

Well I do think he is blinded by love. Especially if he lets her treat him the way she does. But I think like the other posts, just tell him how you feel and stand back. That's all you can do. He feels he is in love. I also feel he is way to young to make such a move. But stand back and let him fall. Just be there to catch him because that's when he will need you the most. Right now he feels the bliss of it all. He will need you if it does fall apart. Whatever you do stand strong and don't abandon him.

ZoeMarie · May 14, 2009, 11:57 AM

I've learned that some people only learn the hard way, just like Tal said. It's unfortunate, but sometimes it's the best way to learn. Tell him how you feel if you haven't already and then take a step back and let him make his own decisions. At least this way you don't regret not saying anything.

none12345 · May 14, 2009, 02:06 PM

Remember this is all your perspective, it doesn't mean she really treats him horribly. Maybe its just you, maybe its not but he has his perspective too. Perhaps you don't know everything that goes on in their lives and you only see the bad...