Check out some similar questions!

hopeful87 · May 8, 2009, 06:24 PM

Hey! I'm 22 and my first girlfriend of three and a half years recently broke up with me. We were in a really healthy relationship until I went to uni (while still living at home) and I started getting commitment fears and pretty much ruined things. I said some things that indicated I didn't know what I wanted from the future and that I could see us seeing other people. I started going out with my uni friends and leaving her out. I was a total tool I can see now! So we decided to go on a break, and whereas I wanted to try again, she wanted out. I spoke to her just after the breakup and she said she wanted time and space. I know she still loves me but, I found out she'd met this other guy and now as far as I know they're seeing each other and she seems to be dealing with things fine. I did all the stupid things people tell (I was late on the idea of forum advice :-s) text, call, be irrational and upset for about two and a half weeks. We exchanged stuff and she said I need to get on with things. It's been over month now, since then no contact. We've bumped each other accidentally and been friendly. And she sometimes comments on my Facebook status but I've been on the no contact thing really. She recently IM'd and when I said I had to go straight away, she said I think of you a lot you know.

I really want her back. I would literally do anything! I've written her a non-desperate non- needy letter, explaining that's she one of a kind, memories, what I miss, what would be different. It's pretty good and I've been meticulous and it actually made a friend cry lol, do I send it? Do I stay friends on Facebook? If I want her back how friendly do I stay afterwards?

Any other advice to try and get a favourable position on things. She's worth it (now I see that :-s) so I want to know I tried my hardest, I don't expect miracles!

Jacob

Survivor07 · May 8, 2009, 06:52 PM

Hey Hopeful,

Doesn't sound like it's been total NC.

You broke up with her because you wanted to see what else was out there.

She was obviously hurt and needed time and space away from you.

There's a saying... if you let the bird out of its cage, it might fly away.

Now she sounds like she's doing well... without you... and, of course, she's letting you know she still thinks of you and you are reading things into that. If she seems happy without you, then you should respect that and do some exploring of your own. And practice NC.

To answer your questions:

Sending the letter... well, you have nothing to lose but dignity.

Be friends... being her friend isn't what you're after. You want to be her boyfriend... right? Because a few months ago you wanted to date other people.

joshdom · May 8, 2009, 06:57 PM

Hey, I know what your going through. I just split up with my first girlfriend of 4 years cause of uni. It is really tough, and the best relationships fail here. I tried nc and it didn't work, I tried everything it didn't work. I called her the other day and asked her if we could try again and she said no, and she is really friendly with another guy. I eventually said to her we should be friends and see where it goes and she was happy, and said if I showed her I had changed she would like to try again. This might be a good thing for you to try. Ask her to be friends and show her you have changed. Maybe you can take it from there. It might take a month or so, but it might be all you have.

hopeful87 · May 9, 2009, 04:57 AM

Sorry, to clear it up she broke up with me, but it was me who brought it on. And in this NC should I remove her off my Facebook friend list, and how long does the NC go on for? Until she contacts me? Or should I send the letter and then leave it to NC and remove her?

joshdom · May 9, 2009, 05:12 AM

Its entirely up to you. I don't think nc does much good if I'm honest, I would say do what youwant when you want to do it.

talaniman · May 9, 2009, 05:19 AM

Burn the letter, and leave her alone to enjoy her own life, while you enjoy yours. Been where your from, and its important that you keep moving forward.

You will be at Uni, among your friends, and she will still be at home, with hers.

Your paths have parted, and its time to move on. Do the No Contact for real, as you will have other options, and opportunities, to get ready for. That's just the realities of life.

roxypox · May 9, 2009, 05:56 AM

Even though she broke up with you, you're the one who set things in motion. She has her life you have your and like Tal said; your paths has parted.

You need to find away to move on, sometimes we make choices we later regret, sadly, sometimes we can't go back and start over, especially in a relationship. We can't erase the past.

With that said, No Contact implies no contact, and I disagree with joshdom... I think NC can do loads of good. It can allow you to see things clearer and get things that are and have been dificult and put it at a distance.

Remove her as a friend on Facebook, maybe even block her for the time being, I don't know how Ims work, but if posible, remove her for there as well. Hang out with your friends at Uni, live your life and let her live hers.

Best of luck!
Roxy

hopeful87 · May 10, 2009, 12:56 PM

Threads merged

So my first love broke up with me after 3 and a half years about a month ago, basically because we had been taking each other for granted. As soon as we broke up I realised it was a huge mistake, opened my eyes etc etc. Suddenly wanted to do all these new things with her. Problem is she started seeing this other guy she'd met through friends straight away. Pictures appeared on Facebook with arms around each other. But then she said she still thinks of me.

So basically was hoping for a bit of light at the end of the tunnel and wondered if any people had any stories where they got their ex back, even when a third party was involved. And how did they do it!

I feel so low. And I mean it's been a month. But I just cannot stop thinking about her - I mean all day! Any advice?

Cheers

myuz · May 10, 2009, 01:31 PM

That's a tough one man. I know eveyone else is going to tell you no contact, move on etc. Might even be the best thing to do in this situation because she is going to start to wonder about you and miss u. Then she will be calling u. If not you will be moving on anyway from the no conatact Has she called you at all through this month apart? Have you called her?

hopeful87 · May 10, 2009, 01:49 PM

Na she hasn't. I went crazy at first, I texted her and facebooked her loads telling her to get back with me and no reply. We spoke and she said she was trying to move on etc. Then she told my friend she needed time and space, and my other friend that it's too late. We accidentally bumped into each other a couple of times and she came over and spoke to me and we chatted and flirted a little. She I'Md me on Facebook a couple of times, but rather than letter her get her fix of me on there I said I have to go. She comments on my statuses occasionally too. I'm going crazy. I would literally do anything to ger her back. I know its pathetic :-) but its true. I just really don't want to move on, and it's so hard knowing that she's already replacing me!

ajGambino · May 10, 2009, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by hopeful87

it's so hard knowing that she's already replacing me!

I'm so sorry man, I know how you feel and it feels like crap. The best you can do for yourself is to go NC with her, as keeping in contact with her just hurts you. It'll take a while for you to get over the hump but you have to start recovery before you can feel the recovery.