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talaniman · May 6, 2009, 08:49 PM

Or C) leave her alone, and disappear from her life, as your in friend zone, and your not getting back together.

False hope has your mind playing tricks on you, and you should just back up, until you can see reality.

Then at least you can keep your dignity, and self respect.

bswc · May 6, 2009, 10:45 PM

Do I need to tell her that I can't contact her? What will continuous contact brings to in the end?

BlackVY · May 6, 2009, 10:48 PM

Like talaniman said... it will give you false hope and you will read too much into anything she says or does and you may think its time to make your move, and it will result in massive disappointment...

Its not worth it... cut clean and disappear from her life. Its hard, but it's the right thing to do for both of you

bswc · May 6, 2009, 11:26 PM

I see. Well, regarding the matter of letting her to call me up, does this mean that I actually pick up the calls or replying the text? If it is yes, what am I going to say when she ask about my life? I'm clear of the path now, just want to know how to walk it.

kctiger · May 7, 2009, 06:15 AM

Originally Posted by bswc

I see. Well, regarding the matter of letting her to call me up, does this mean that i actually pick up the calls or replying the text? If it is yes, what am i gonna say when she ask about my life? I'm clear of the path now, just want to know how to walk it.

Until you can learn to pick up the phone and answer her requests as your own person, don't do it. You are so confused that you don't even know what to say to her, that is jumbled emotions that need to be rectified before having any sort of contact with her. So, the answer to your question is simple. Don't talk to her until you no longer need to ask us what you should say. Once you aren't mixed up with false hope and confusion, you will be prepared to talk to her, and that is IF you even want to talk to her.

bswc · May 7, 2009, 07:01 AM

Thanks, I'll give it a try since I'm healing fast ( I think ) :)

Romefalls19 · May 7, 2009, 07:12 AM

I think you still have false hope with this girl. You are too worried about the what if's to live your own life without worrying about if she's going to call. I still think you will drop what you are doing and talk to her if she does call.

bswc · May 7, 2009, 10:24 AM

Its to hard to be true if I'm changing myself so fast that I feel like I'm inhuman. I'm her every first. First to go for breakfast, lunch, dinner together alone, first kiss, first hug, first one to hold hands, first to drive her out, first to explore her, first to be at her house, first guy that she wanted to marry, talked about birth ( although I didn't want to), closest ever... every first, but not last ( sad part, all I can do is to laugh at myself and get up at where she tripped me) It has been a relief since I'm not reacting like some of the other guys who got in a complicated relationship where they couldn't get themselves out of it.

Well it is normal for a guy who just break to wish to had all the pain just to love her. I didn't get to say I love you or even have a nice hug.. a break up when my feelings towards her are burning hot. Cool.. thanks guys. Time... time... time.. Lord jesus bless us all!

bswc · Jun 16, 2009, 07:13 PM

Threads merged

Hi, I've been NC for 1 month. I went out for a talk with my ex about our relationship. She said she was shocked when I appear so cold after the breakup.

Her reasons from breakup:
Could not handle pressure from family probs, pressure from studies, pressure from relationship, pressure from finance, and also that I didn't GRAB her tight enough that she knew she could have feelings towards another guy.

My point of view
She broke up with me for another guy

After I talked to her I felt like she's immature for saying relationships is a pressure for her. She said she could have feelings towards other people if I do not cherish her during the relationships. We talked a lot on our relationships. She says putting down all the feelings towards me is not what she wants but she just can't be in a relationship now. She also mentioned that if she wants to be in a relationship she would like to give in 100% which she can't now. She was shocked when I mentioned that I will not be with her in the future( kind of wrong answer I gave her )
She asked whether we could be friends. I told her that for the mean time I can't do that and shall see how things go so she ended up saying that after her exam ( 6 months later) that I could start to befriend her. Of course I feel that something's wrong since she's the breaker and now she's asking me to make friends with her. She says she don't like to be active( as in not passive) and she want's a guy who is active to chase her.
I said no, if you would wan to be friend me find me. I just don't want her to have the power.

What situation am I in? I just want to know whether its right for a girl to think in such a way.

ZoeMarie · Jun 16, 2009, 07:21 PM

My take on this is that she wants to keep you in the picture in case she gets bored with single life. Don't fall for it. Also when you said "She said she could have feelings towards other people if i do not cherish her during the relationships." That sounds like a cop-out. She might have had a change of heart. A relationship should not feel like pressure though.

It sounds like you're on the right track and better off without her! Good luck!

Fr_Chuck · Jun 16, 2009, 07:23 PM

Ok, for some reason you felt it was needed to break NC, so you are not in NC since you had a talk with them.

You appear not to be over her, since you seem to have a need to talk with her.

So you go back to NC and keep it no contact, 1 month, 2 month, 6 months forever if you have to, and just move on, you find someone else, date and have a wonderful life

bigdee · Jun 16, 2009, 07:23 PM

Next step? Start NC again and this time don't break it. Let her sort things out on her own. If she decides she wants back in, let her contact you and you can decide what you want to do if it ever happens.

Your situation is a common one In my opinion. She's stressed and feels the timing is bad. She also is having second thoughts about if you are the one. Let it go and let her sort it out. She may or may not come back to you. But don't wait around for her. In my case the girl never came back. But I'm glad I eventually decided not to wait around for her and be miserable.

I wish · Jun 16, 2009, 07:41 PM

The fact that you are still confused means that you broke NC prematurely. After breaking the rules and talking to you, you are probably more confused than before.

You're going to have to go back into NC. During the NC, you will be able to figure out whether you still want a friendship with her, because you won't have her confusing your thought process. Don't put a timeline on NC. Every situation is different.

talaniman · Jun 16, 2009, 09:11 PM

Her reasons from breakup:
Could not handle pressure from family problems, pressure from studies, pressure from relationship, pressure from finance, and also that I didn't GRAB her tight enough that she knew she could have feelings toward another guy.

I think she is feeding you excuses for dumping you. That's not a bad thing as now your free to find someone who can deal with you better.

My point of view
She broke up with me for another guy

That's probably true, but at least you know its over for sure now.

after I talked to her I felt like she's immature for saying relationships is a pressure for her.

She just didn't want one with you, that's the fact.

She said she could have feelings towards other people if I do not cherish her during the relationships.

You don't want a female that you have to kiss her booty all the time. Her feelings changed, but her reasons are excuses, to relieve her own guilt.

We talked a lot on our relationships. She says putting down all the feelings towards me is not what she wants but she just can't be in a relationship now.

With you she means. I guess she was sparing your feelings or softening the blow.

She also mentioned that if she wants to be in a relationship she would like to give in 100% which she can't now.

Not with you, are we seeing a pattern yet?

She was shocked when I mentioned that I will not be with her in the future( kind of wrong answer I gave her )

Her shock was that you didn't beg, plead, or give her what she wanted.

She asked whether we could be friends. I told her that for the mean time I can't do that and shall see how things go so she ended up saying that after her exam ( 6 months later) that I could start to befriend her.

She dumped you and is making the rules?

Of course I feel that something's wrong since she's the breaker and now she's asking me to make friends with her. She says she don't like to be active( as in not passive) and she want's a guy who is active to chase her.

Her true motives finally come out.

I said no, if you would wan to be friend me find me. I just don't want her to have the power.

Way to stand up for your dignity and self respect, and not give in to false hope.

What situation am I in? I just want to know whether its right for a girl to think in such a way.

She is, who she is, and that's the way she thinks.

What matters more is how you deal with it. Go back to NC, and get your life back.

bswc · Jun 19, 2009, 08:29 PM

I see... I'm just disappointed that a girl that we met up in church is not aware that she's confused. I've seen her one day from far and my friend said that he saw her embarrassed to look at me. I'm feeling good but sometimes when I'm alone or driving or walking my mind just act in a way that its blank but somehow I feel like the blank is related to her. Like an element on blank. I used to be blank sometimes when I walk or just sit quietly enjoying the views around. Having her blur image stuck around a tiny corner of my mind constantly... Thanks people for the support. I'll keep you people updated...

bswc · Jun 24, 2009, 05:00 AM

Updates:

She said she has an important thing to say regarding us that she needs to talk face to face. She asked me to go over her house since her parents are not around and she does not have access to any transport. What's this about? Is she IN towards something about talking our relationship out?

Romefalls19 · Jun 24, 2009, 05:13 AM

When is this meeting supposed to take place?

bswc · Jun 25, 2009, 01:48 AM

It is this Sunday, I've asked her twice about what is going to be in the talk, the first time she said, erm.. "dont know how to say", then I stopped asking. While we try discussing the time and place for this, I asked the 2nd time and she said its something about us. When she first brought this up she mentioned "important things to tell me face to face". Remember she said she'll finish her studies bla bla and try to contact me later on, FISH... where is this all going? I'm starting to imagine all the romantic things and I go POOF! Stop dreaming, better be prepared for some confusing drama. Well, I asked her about the details of the talk again. For some sense of logic it is more like she is trying to work on our broken relationship.

bswc · Jun 25, 2009, 01:52 AM

Mistake, its next Sunday, the coming Sunday, 3 days later. Parents not at home, alone, asking for ex Bf to come over for an important talk... That's the situation.

sweet1028 · Jun 25, 2009, 04:31 AM

Well I have to say you have had some great advice on here. Glad you took it and ran with it.

I don't know for sure what she is wanting to talk about but it kind of sounds like "If you love her let her go" which you did, and now she is coming back to you, maybe it is love after all. Good luck, but stay strong it could be just a talk to boggle your mind again.