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heyheather · Apr 16, 2009, 01:15 PM

Should you live together beofre your married?

We are 20 years old and he's still doing school for a few more years and wanted to wait till he's out of school to get married and start a family, but could we live together now?

Thoughts?

Justwantfair · Apr 16, 2009, 01:19 PM

3 Reasons Why Researchers Say Living Together Before Marriage is Risky

Sociological Reasons Not to Live Together

Seven Reasons Why Living Together Before Marriage is not a Good Idea « My Lord and My Blog

Google and do a little background checking.

Only you know your relationship.

Curlyben · Apr 16, 2009, 01:25 PM

Well those links are all very negative.
CBW and I lived together for 6 years before we tied the knot and we have been married 3 years with two wonderful children.

As already mentioned only YOU truly know your relationship, and I personally think it's a good idea as you will get a better insight to your partner rather than just the fun parts.

redhed35 · Apr 16, 2009, 01:29 PM

How long have you been together?

artlady · Apr 16, 2009, 01:36 PM

I think it's a good idea.I believe you can really learn a lot about each other by living together.

The day to day struggles will be the same as in a marriage and it will give you a good heads up as to what to expect.

I have been living with my BF for 11 years but I don't want to get married again so it works for us.

Some men might drag their feet about getting married so if that is on your lists of priorities you may want to rethink it.If he already has you in a marriage like situation,he may ask *why marry*?

heyheather · Apr 29, 2009, 11:46 AM

Thank you for everyone's thoughts.
I see myself actually doing what curlyben did.
As living together a few years and while he finishes school and I get my business started and then getting married and having kids.
I'm still in my parents home, so I'm just wanting out of that situation and we wanted to try living together.
We get excited talking about it and we think about it a lot.
We have been dating awhile now and we get along great.
We would definitely get married now if we could, we just want to get our lifes straighten out good first.

Any thoughts on how to get started?
We don't want to have to worry about money stuff with him going to school. Thanks:)

Justwantfair · Apr 29, 2009, 11:49 AM

You will be missing a wonderful experience that comes with living alone.

When you are moving out and times are tight, make sure to have as many items from family gathered. Furniture, pots, pans and thrift markets should be your favorite place for the next couple years.

Lay down some ground rules about things that may bother you in the long run. Discuss all finances and how bills and spending money will be handled. Discuss who will have what chores and make the request and stick to it that you both pick up after yourselves when doing things.

liz28 · Apr 29, 2009, 11:58 AM

I live with my fiancé and I think it is a good experience. When you live together with someone you learn and see the true them because there is no hiding.

I think all couples should live together before marriage. Some people find out the hard way that they can't live together after they have already tie the knot.

Living together would even make or break your relationship.

liz28 · Apr 29, 2009, 12:16 PM

Originally Posted by heyheather

we dont want to have to worry bout money stuff with him going to school. thanks:)

The two of you are going have to budget, budget, budget. Where do you want to live? Start looking around so you can start going over prices. Don't forget you might have to pay light, gas, etc? Even cable if you want it. Do the two of you have any credit card, books, cellphone bills to pay off? Instead these things in your budget as well. Let not forget food, you got to eat.

The two of you going have to sit down and go over each other fiancés and know what you can and can't afford. Don't live beyond your means.

Oh yeah one more thing I forgot about furiture. Hopefully you got a Ikea by you because they have some cheap cool stuff.

mugger · Apr 29, 2009, 03:12 PM

Could you imagine getting married without living together first, only to find out that your significant other has a different idea of cleanliness and organization? Like Liz said, you get to see each others' true colors.
I say that whoever made up that rule was probably never married.
Listen to Liz- she knows what she's talking about.

hollylovesbrandon · Apr 29, 2009, 08:29 PM

I lived with my husband for 2 years before we got married. We have already been together for 2 years also. I wouldn't change it for anything. I found out things about him I wouldn't have known. Like, he doesn't immediately clean up his dishes after he eats. He leaves his dirty underwear next to the closet door. He has an anger issue as well that might have taken me off guard. He has to shower twice a day. He refuses to use fabric softener when he does tha laundry... Do you get what I'm saying. These are little things but things that, if you don't know, and try to ignore, might end your relationship and might drive you mad until you're ready to get out.

I think there's no backdrop to living together except that things could turn back and then you got all that stuff to split and no where to go. I wouldn't have changed my experience.

You need to know him on a more personal level and this is the perfect way to do it.

jenniepepsi · May 1, 2009, 09:35 PM

In my experience it's a wonderful idea to live with someone before you marry them. I was with my daughters biological father for 5 years before we started living together. And it wasn't until AFTER we started living together than I realised how abusive and selfish and unloving he was. Thankfully I DID NOT marry him and am now married to my husband who is wonderful (and who I also lived with before marriage)

Fr_Chuck · May 1, 2009, 09:39 PM

So why are you waiting to get married, ( the license) if you are going to act, live and do everyhting just like a married couple

heyheather · May 7, 2009, 12:07 PM

Thank you so much!!
This info helps a lot, we will def sit down and talk about this.
The only thing we worry about if getting in to a place and not haven't enough money.
We both want this and I think we get along great no problems there, just the money things.
I have savings, but he doesn't.
And he's going to school, I'm a hairstylist at a salon and so pretty good with money.
No credit cards or any of that.
And I love looking for good deals on house stuff or anything like that so that part we should be OK.
We will just have to watch are money!
Thanks for all of your help. :)

heyheather · May 7, 2009, 12:11 PM

Not getting married yet because of age I guess and our familys, I'm not sure.
We just thought living together for afew years would be good and waiting till he gets out of school would be a good idea.
?

Meredith1978 · May 8, 2009, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by liz28

I live with my fiance and I think it is a good experience. When you live together with someone you learn and see the true them because there is no hiding.

I think all couples should live together before marriage. Some people find out the hard way that they can't live together after they have already tie the knot.

Living together would even make or break your relationship.

Some traditions have a couple get married for a year or a year and a day. Then it is either annulled or made permanent. How smart is that?

mugger · May 8, 2009, 09:05 AM

Originally Posted by Meredith1978

Some traditions have a couple get married for a year or a year and a day. Then it is either annulled or made permanant. How smart is that?

Very good idea! That's sort of what my wife and I did. It's called a handfasting.

talaniman · May 8, 2009, 09:57 AM

How long have you been dating as I think that has a lot more bearing if you should live together or not.

I think you should know that person very well already before you even consider such a move.

A few months of dating doesn't cut it in my book.

88sunflower · May 8, 2009, 11:29 AM

I agree to live together for sure. For all the reasons already stated. There are so many things your learn. Not to mention your natural role as a person comes out when you live with a mate. I always expected to be "taken care of" when I was little. I moved in with my husband and just naturally it came out for me to be the dominant one. We do everything equally, but for some reason I take charge most of the time and that's how it works for us. You learn about yourself also when you live with someone else.

As far as expenses, why not find an apartment complex that charges rent based on your income? We have many of those in my area and some of them are really nice. You make less income you pay less rent.

45notdaddy · May 8, 2009, 12:13 PM

My girlfriend and I have lived together in a committed relationship for the last ten years with no marriage plans (her position - I wouldn't mind) and we have no real regrets about it.

My father was a small town cop for 30 years and worked many a domestic incident. He's seen couples live together for years with no problems, get married, explode, get divorced and later get back together as unmarried partners that live happily for years afterwards. His take on it is that some couples need to have the piece of paper and some couples don't / can't.