[lovehim]

Three months ago my boyfriend was diagnosed with hepatitis c. he couldn't cope with that and it destroyed our relationship. Even though we broke up we are still very close and we talk almost every day and we often go out together. 2 weeks ago he spent few days in the hospital to run some tests and 3 days ago he found out that he has liver tumor. He is still in denial. He hasn't told anyone but me and he doesn't even know what kind of tumor it is. When the doctor told him he just left the office. All he knows is that the tumor is malignant. He went out and got extremely drunk the very same day. Yesterday we went out and he got drunk again. We didn't talk about the tumor at all but when I asked him not to drink he said that he's aware that he'll die young and he wants to have a good time while he's alive. I know that he'll treat the tumor only if his parents force him. He's been very depressed lately and I don't think that he has the will to live. The last year he lost his job so he depends on his parents at 27 years of age, his sister and nephew(he loves them more than anything else in this world) moved to another country, he was diagnosed with hep c and we broke up. He doesn't think that he has a future. When we broke up he started using drugs again. It's still kind of recreational but I'm afraid that he'll go back to heroin when he starts earning money. I want to make him face reality but I have no power over him since we broke up. The thing is that even I don't know how I feel about this. I think about his tumor all the time but I'm not sure that I feel anything. I cry a lot but I don't feel fear or sorrow, I only feel emptiness. I just wait for him to call and say that there was a mistake and there's nothing wrong with him. I saw some very disturbing statistics about liver cancer in USA and we live in a small god-forsaken European country. If there is so little hope in the USA there's no hope at all here.
So please can someone competent tell me what to expect? I know that I give very little information but I need to know if someone with chronic hep c can beat liver tumor. Is there any hope if the tumor is metastatic? And please keep in mind that here the doctors are incompetent. Thanks to all who read this!

[shannameiling]

three months ago my boyfriend was diagnosed with hepatitis c. he couldn't cope with that and it destroyed our relationship. even tho we broke up we are still very close and we talk almost every day and we often go out together. 2 weeks ago he spent few days in the hospital to run some tests and 3 days ago he found out that he has liver tumor. he is still in denial. he hasn't told anyone but me and he doesn't even know what kind of tumor it is. when the doctor told him he just left the office. all he knows is that the tumor is malignant. he went out and got extremely drunk the very same day. yesterday we went out and he got drunk again. we didn't talk about the tumor at all but when i asked him not to drink he said that he's aware that he'll die young and he wants to have a good time while he's alive. i know that he'll treat the tumor only if his parents force him. he's been very depressed lately and i don't think that he has the will to live. the last year he lost his job so he depends on his parents at 27 years of age, his sister and nephew(he loves them more than anything else in this world) moved to another country, he was diagnosed with hep c and we broke up. he doesn't think that he has a future. when we broke up he started using drugs again. it's still kinda recreational but i'm afraid that he'll go back to heroin when he starts earning money. i want to make him face reality but i have no power over him since we broke up. the thing is that even i don't know how i feel about this. i think about his tumor all the time but i'm not sure that i feel anything. i cry a lot but i don't feel fear or sorrow, i only feel emptiness. i just wait for him to call and say that there was a mistake and theres nothing wrong with him. i saw some very disturbing statistics about liver cancer in USA and we live in a small god-forsaken European country. if there is so little hope in the USA theres no hope at all here.
so please can someone competent tell me what to expect? i know that i give very little information but i need to know if someone with chronic hep c can beat liver tumor. is there any hope if the tumor is metastatic? and please keep in mind that here the doctors are incompetent. thanks to all who read this!

The chances of him beating the cancer all depends on what stage he has found out about his cancer and the time it takes him to treat it. In other words, the sooner he treats it, the better a chance he has of beating the cancer.
There are many factors involved in him getting better... some are the fact that he SHOULD NOT be drinking and using drugs as this will make the cancer worse and even spread. There is research that states if he has a positive frame of mind... he will get better faster but if he is negative it will get worse faster.
Talk to him... ask him if he wants to live... he needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and to want to beat/fight the cancer. He needs to be positive, to stop drinking and doing drugs and to take care of himself. Treat the cancer as soon as possible and do all that is necessary. Having cancer is not easy to deal with but he has you and family for support... this will make it easier especially if he is open to you all.


Hope this helps

[lovehim]

the chances of him beating the cancer all depends on what stage he has found out about his cancer and the time it takes him to treat it. in other words, the sooner he treats it, the better a chance he has of beating the cancer.
there are many factors involved in him getting better...some are the fact that he SHOULD NOT be drinking and using drugs as this will make the cancer worse and even spread. there is research that states if he has a positive frame of mind...he will get better faster but if he is negative it will get worse faster.
talk to him...ask him if he wants to live...he needs to stop feelin sorry for himself and to want to beat/fight the cancer. he needs to be positive, to stop drinking and doing drugs and to take care of himself. treat the cancer as soon as possible and do all that is necessary. having cancer is not easy to deal with but he has you and family for support...this will make it easier especially if he is open to you all.


hope this helps

Thanks shannameiling! Your advice would be very helpful if he was a bit more normal. I wanted to kill him myself an hour ago. I asked him if he was going to see the doctor tomorrow and he made a scandal cause I stopped him in his denial and spoiled his good mood. I was trying to make him face reality but he got so rude. He told me that he wasn't thinking about that at all the whole day and now I ruined that. He doesn't even know what kind of cancer it is and his parents still don't know anything. And he lives with them! I know how this sounds but I think that he can't expect too much support from them. They blame him for his past and keep reminding him that its his fault that he got hep c. he was 3 days in a hospital and I was there the entire time, even the guard and the janitors thought that I was a patient but his parents only came once and stayed 15 minutes. Anyway, he drives me crazy! It took him two months to do a biopsy after he was diagnosed with hep. I know that this is a great shock but why can't he understand that he can't afford to waste time anymore?!

[shannameiling]

thanks shannameiling! your advice would be very helpful if he was a bit more normal. i wanted to kill him myself an hour ago. i asked him if he was going to see the doctor tomorrow and he made a scandal cause i stopped him in his denial and spoiled his good mood. i was trying to make him face reality but he got so rude. he told me that he wasn't thinking about that at all the whole day and now i ruined that. he doesn't even know what kind of cancer it is and his parents still don't know anything. and he lives with them! i know how this sounds but i think that he can't expect too much support from them. they blame him for his past and keep reminding him that its his fault that he got hep c. he was 3 days in a hospital and i was there the entire time, even the guard and the janitors thought that i was a patient but his parents only came once and stayed 15 minutes. anyway, he drives me crazy! it took him two months to do a biopsy after he was diagnosed with hep. i know that this is a great shock but why can't he understand that he can't afford to waste time anymore?!!!

Not to say that he's dying but do you know kubler ross' theory on death and dying? There are 5 stages to dealing with something as new, scary and drastic as cancer.

1) Denial:

* Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death.

Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."

2) Anger:

* Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial can not continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.

Example - "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"

3) Bargaining:

* The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the person is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..."

Example - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."

4) Depression:

* During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect himself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer an individual up that is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"

5) Acceptance:

* This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the death that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle.

Example - "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."


Most people when they hear cancer, the automatically assume death but this isn't so at all... cancer research and development has come a long way so not necessarily is the diagnosis a death sentence. He has to know and understand this before he can be ready to move on... you need to seriously ask him if he wants to live or die... because he CAN beat this if he acts early on it instead of waiting too long. Have you spoken to the people that he drinks and does drugs with? Maybe they can influence him into doing something. Help him gain perspective on it... grasp that it isn't the end but if he continues... it will be his fault that he dies... im sorry to hear that his parents are not very supportive... but because they aren't maybe you should/could be all the support he needs at the moment.

[lovehim]

Thanks again! I looked up the 5 stages online right after the fight. I know that he has to go through them all but I'm afraid that he doesn't have enough time for that. We had a huge fight yesterday, it wasn't related to the tumor but I won't have any influence on him for at least a week or so.
The thing is that he doesn't look for support, all he wants is to be left alone and not be reminded of the cancer. I can't talk to his friends cause he hasn't told anyone yet, not even his parents. And the drugs he's taking are some sort of painkillers so I'm not too much concerned about that. I'm concerned cause people use those pills when they can't find heroin.
Maybe you can help me with this. I have no idea what kind of cancer it is and how long he's got it but I know that he's got hep c for at least year and a half and I think he started showing some of the tumor symptoms 2 months ago. One week after the break up I noticed that he had lost a lot of weight. He told me that he wasn't eating at all and later he admitted that he started using drugs. So maybe that wasn't a symptom of the cancer but his liver started swelling 2 weeks ago. I don't expect him to go to the doctor till next week. Then he'll know how bad it is. How much more damage can he do till then? How fast does the liver cancer progresses? Can he afford to waste a week?
And thanks again for your advice!

[shannameiling]

thanks again! i looked up the 5 stages online right after the fight. i know that he has to go through them all but i'm afraid that he doesn't have enough time for that. we had a huge fight yesterday, it wasn't related to the tumor but i wont have any influence on him for at least a week or so.
the thing is that he doesn't look for support, all he wants is to be left alone and not be reminded of the cancer. i can't talk to his friends cause he hasn't told anyone yet, not even his parents. and the drugs he's taking are some sort of painkillers so i'm not too much concerned about that. i'm concerned cause people use those pills when they can't find heroin.
maybe you can help me with this. i have no idea what kind of cancer it is and how long he's got it but i know that he's got hep c for at least year and a half and i think he started showing some of the tumor symptoms 2 months ago. one week after the break up i noticed that he had lost a lot of weight. he told me that he wasn't eating at all and later he admitted that he started using drugs. so maybe that wasn't a symptom of the cancer but his liver started swelling 2 weeks ago. i don't expect him to go to the doctor till next week. then he'll know how bad it is. how much more damage can he do till then? how fast does the liver cancer progresses? can he afford to waste a week?
and thanks again for your advice!

Hmmm if he knew he had hep c so long ago, why didn't he check out his liver then? According to the research I've done on liver cancer, most are saying that for symptoms to be showing he's in an advanced stage of liver cancer, as symptoms don't usually show till then...

"Liver cancer is sometimes called a "silent disease" because in an early stage it often does not cause symptoms. But, as the cancer grows, symptoms may include:

Pain in the upper abdomen on the right side; the pain may extend to the back and shoulder

Swollen abdomen (bloating)

Weight loss

Loss of appetite and feelings of fullness

Weakness or feeling very tired

Nausea and vomiting

Yellow skin and eyes, and dark urine from jaundice

Fever

These symptoms are not sure signs of liver cancer. Other liver diseases and other health problems can also cause these symptoms. Anyone with these symptoms should see a doctor as soon as possible. Only a doctor can diagnose and treat the problem."

That was quoted from the National Cancer Institute... it's quite reliable and if you want to know more you can visit it for information about what types of treatments are out there, where and who he can go to for support, etc... because he isn't the only one out there with cancer and he should know that if they can fight it... so can he.

As for spreading and how much time he has... I can't say for certain but my advice is to get him to do something about it as soon as possible... as the liver is one of the few organs in the body that can spread in the 3 different ways cancer usually spreads... in the blood, through the body's lymphatics and by being near to other organs (local spread)... and when liver cancer spreads it can affect a lot of organs and cause a whole lot more damage and pain than he's already in... so... if scaring him into doing something is the only way then tell him this but he seems to be going down that "im dying so i wanna live life to the fullest now" road but he doesn't have to... esp since he might still be early enough to treat and beat the cancer... because if he thinks it's bad now... it will only get worse if he does nothing.

Not to say that its past "curing" but if that is the case... there are treatments that will help with the pain as well... instead of him suffering and doing alcohol and drugs to numb the pain. Hope this helps and even more so I hope he does something and gets better.

[Unknown008]

I'm so sorry to hear that your BF has liver cancer lovehim...
I myself had that experience, but the one having cancer also had Hepatitis B. The Hepatitis diseases are a major cause of Liver Cancer, that many people don't take seriously. My prayers are to your boyfriend.

Also, have (if possible) the family blood tests to check if they have hepatitis, for this is a hereditary disease. If you got into contact with his saliva (through kissing, eating with the same spoon, fork, etc) and never got vaccined against hepatitis, do have a blood test too.

[lovehim]

hmmm if he knew he had hep c so long ago, why didnt he check out his liver then? according to the research i've done on liver cancer, most are saying that for symptoms to be showing he's in an advanced stage of liver cancer, as symptoms don't usually show till then...

"Liver cancer is sometimes called a "silent disease" because in an early stage it often does not cause symptoms. But, as the cancer grows, symptoms may include:

Pain in the upper abdomen on the right side; the pain may extend to the back and shoulder

Swollen abdomen (bloating)

Weight loss

Loss of appetite and feelings of fullness

Weakness or feeling very tired

Nausea and vomiting

Yellow skin and eyes, and dark urine from jaundice

Fever

These symptoms are not sure signs of liver cancer. Other liver diseases and other health problems can also cause these symptoms. Anyone with these symptoms should see a doctor as soon as possible. Only a doctor can diagnose and treat the problem."

that was quoted from the National Cancer Institute...it's quite reliable and if you want to know more you can visit it for information about what types of treatments are out there, where and who he can go to for support, etc...because he isn't the only one out there with cancer and he should know that if they can fight it...so can he.

as for spreading and how much time he has...I can't say for certain but my advice is to get him to do something about it as soon as possible...as the liver is one of the few organs in the body that can spread in the 3 different ways cancer usually spreads...in the blood, through the body's lymphatics and by being near to other organs (local spread)...and when liver cancer spreads it can affect a lot of organs and cause a whole lot more damage and pain than he's already in...so...if scaring him into doing something is the only way then tell him this but he seems to be going down that "im dying so i wanna live life to the fullest now" road but he doesnt have to...esp since he might still be early enough to treat and beat the cancer...cuz if he thinks it's bad now...it will only get worse if he does nothing.

not to say that its past "curing" but if that is the case...there are treatments that will help with the pain as well...instead of him suffering and doing alcohol and drugs to numb the pain. hope this helps and even more so i hope he does something and gets better.

Well he first found out about the hep c last winter while he was on drug rehab. A month later he did the test again but it was negative. Doctors say that probably his immune system got better and it hid the virus or the virus was still incubating. He told me that all that time he knew that hep c can't just go away like that but he didn't do the test again. He was diagnosed positive for the second time 3 months ago on a routine check cause he's listed as a medical worker.
Anyway I know that he'll want to get drunk again this weekend and there is nothing I can do to stop him. I know that he's aware that the sooner he sees a doctor the sooner the treatment will start and he wants to enjoy a his life as it is now a bit more. Also he is used on dealing with his problems by escaping reality and now he'll have to do stop doing that in order to stay alive. I know that he's scared but I don't know how to comfort him. And scaring him even more won't work cause right now he doesn't want to talk about that and if I insist I will loose him but he won't get any more reasonable. Sometimes I think that I can read his mind but I never knew how to deal with him.

[shannameiling]

well he first found out about the hep c last winter while he was on drug rehab. a month later he did the test again but it was negative. doctors say that probably his immune system got better and it hid the virus or the virus was still incubating. he told me that all that time he knew that hep c can't just go away like that but he didn't do the test again. he was diagnosed positive for the second time 3 months ago on a routine check cause he's listed as a medical worker.
anyway i know that he'll want to get drunk again this weekend and there is nothing i can do to stop him. i know that he's aware that the sooner he sees a doctor the sooner the treatment will start and he wants to enjoy a his life as it is now a bit more. also he is used on dealing with his problems by escaping reality and now he'll have to do stop doing that in order to stay alive. i know that he's scared but i don't know how to comfort him. and scaring him even more wont work cause right now he doesn't want to talk about that and if i insist i will loose him but he wont get any more reasonable. sometimes i think that i can read his mind but i never knew how to deal with him.

Yea I know scaring him is not the best way of dealing with him right now but what I meant really was to shock him out of this phase where he's trying to escape reality... knowing that he needs to deal with it now is not the same as actually doing something to deal with it. I'm not sure how to advise you on getting him to do something but someone needs to get him to do something now rather than later when it gets too late... sit him down... tell him you understand that he wants to enjoy life more as life is short but life is short for everyone... no one knows when we can be struck by lightening or run down by a bus... just because he knows that he has cancer... doesnt mean that he's going to die... now or soon even... so if he truly wants to enjoy life he needs to maximise it!

[Unknown008]

Just fyi, hep c affects the liver... and the alcohol only makes it worse. If you could tell your BF to at least reduce his alcohol cunsumption... The alcohol he takes can speed up the damage to his liver, and hence, increase the speed the hep c virus will act.

[lovehim]

Well we talked this morning. He was busy so it was a 2 minute chat and he told me that he hasn't gone to the doctor yet. He also told me that he accepted the diagnosis the same moment he heard it but he doesn't plan on doing anything yet. Tonight I'm going to call him and force him to listen to me! I'm starting to doubt something. I think that he knows what type of cancer he has but he doesn't want to tell me. I think that he is in the bargaining stage right now. I need to rush this but I don't know if he'll listen to me.

[shannameiling]

well we talked this morning. he was busy so it was a 2 minute chat and he told me that he hasn't gone to the doctor yet. he also told me that he accepted the diagnosis the same moment he heard it but he doesn't plan on doing anything yet. tonight i'm going to call him and force him to listen to me! i'm starting to doubt something. i think that he knows what type of cancer he has but he doesn't want to tell me. i think that he is in the bargaining stage right now. i need to rush this but i don't know if he'll listen to me.

Yea, he probably already knows what kind of liver cancer it is as there aren't too many malignant types and the main one is called hepatocellular carcinoma, HCC and 3 out 4 liver cancers are of this kind but apart from knowing what type of cancer... he has to find out the stage of the cancer.

Staging is the process of finding out how widespread a cancer is. The stage of a liver cancer is one of the most important factors in considering treatment options. A staging system is a standardized way for the cancer care team to summarize information about how far a cancer has spread. Doctors use staging systems to get an idea about a patient's prognosis (outlook) and to try to determine the most appropriate treatment.

The fact that he has probably moved on to the barginning stage is a good thing... it means he is well on his way to doing something about it... hopefully he decides soon enough that he is going to get a biopy or some sort of procedure done to help determine what form of treatment he should most likely attempt.

Continue talking to him... show him that no matter how hard he pushes you are always going to be there for him... I commend you for the fact that you're still around for him even after the fact that he pushed you away, you guys are broken up and the fact that you know he has cancer and still insist on staying with him. You are stronger than you think and you are a good influence on him.

[lovehim]

yea, he probably already knows what kind of liver cancer it is as there aren't too many malignant types and the main one is called hepatocellular carcinoma, HCC and 3 out 4 liver cancers are of this kind but apart from knowing what type of cancer...he has to find out the stage of the cancer.

staging is the process of finding out how widespread a cancer is. the stage of a liver cancer is one of the most important factors in considering treatment options. a staging system is a standardized way for the cancer care team to summarize information about how far a cancer has spread. doctors use staging systems to get an idea about a patient's prognosis (outlook) and to try to determine the most appropriate treatment.

the fact that he has probably moved on to the barginning stage is a good thing...it means he is well on his way to doing something about it...hopefully he decides soon enough that he is going to get a biopy or some sort of procedure done to help determine what form of treatment he should most likely attempt.

continue talkin to him...show him that no matter how hard he pushes you are always going to be there for him...i commend you for the fact that you're still around for him even after the fact that he pushed you away, you guys are broken up and the fact that you know he has cancer and still insist on staying with him. you are stronger than you think and you are a good influence on him.

Thanks again! All this things you're saying about me being there for him sound nice but I don't know if he feels that way about me. We don't talk about his cancer cause he doesn't want to. I've tried few times and he always starts to fight. Actually we fight for everything lately. This started even before he found out that he has cancer. We broke up 2 months ago, the first month we were great friends but now we go out and have a great time and then we fight for 2-3 days, we make up and then fight again. I don't know if he wants to communicate with me at all. We broke up cause we were fighting all the time and now we're fighting again and I don't want to loose him right now. I care for him too much. I'm not strong at all and I'm the worst influence. I have no idea what to do. Yesterday I was going to give him a speech about losing time but he didn't want to talk to me at all. He started arguing right after I said hello. I think I lost him and there's nothing more I can do.

[Unknown008]

Listen, I know it's all difficult for you. It is also difficult for him. Perhaps he is not believing that he has that cancer, the questions like "Why do I have that cancer, why ME?" Just try your best to help him. He may not want you to share his pain with you... or feel kind of frustrated about his situation, but your presence will sure do help. Remind him that you'll be by his side. No need to talk of cancer if you don't feel that'll do good.

Here are some extracts I got;

Cause
Doctors don't know why malignant hepatoma occurs, but there are several known risk factors. They include being over 40 years of age, male sex, having cirrhosis, and exposure to the hepatitis viruses (Hepatitis B, C, D and G)

Treatment
Treatment for malignant hepatoma may be based on the stage of the cancer (early or advanced), the patient's age, and other coexisting diseases such as cirrhosis or hepatitis. For many patients, treatment of malignant hepatoma is intended to relieve pain, because often it can't be cured.

The doctor may recommend surgery if the cancer is contained within one lobe of the liver, and if the patient does not have cirrhosis, jaundice, or ascites. If the entire visible tumor can be removed, about 25 percent of patients will be cured. The operation is called a partial hepatectomy, or partial removal of the liver. The doctor will remove either an entire lobe of the liver (a lobectomy) or cut out the area around the tumor (a wedge resection). Many patients with malignant hepatoma, however, are not good surgical candidates because of large tumor size, diminished liver function, or cirrhosis.

The doctor may also recommend chemotherapy or radiation therapy to destroy cancer cells and slow the spread of the disease. While the chemotherapy or radiation may not cure the cancer, they may temporarily decrease the tumor size and relieve some of the symptoms, including pain.

Self-care tips
Malignant hepatoma has a poor prognosis because often the cancer has spread before it can be diagnosed. The best preventative measures are changes in lifestyle. The doctor may recommend avoiding alcohol and drug abuse. Alcohol abuse is responsible for up to 75 percent of cirrhosis cases, a major risk factor for eventual development of primary liver cancer. Hepatitis is a widespread disease among persons who abuse intravenous drugs.

[lovehim]

Today I heard some good news! He made new tests in a more reliable clinic and the tumor turned out to be benign! He almost killed the doctor that told him that it was malignant :). Now he has to wait for two more weeks for some other results and then he'll have a surgery. I'm so happy for him!
I just wanted to tell you the good news and thank you for the advice and the support!!

[Unknown008]

Ah, OK, I'm glad for you two! :)

You're most welcomed! :)

Stay around! :)