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sherrybaby1982 · Apr 24, 2009, 09:58 PM

My husband has a son who is currently in North Carolina. He has moved about 10 times since his ex moved out of Georgia and his son is only 8. What do you need to do to establish visitation rights of a child who is not technically a resident of the state he is in yet? He was born in GA and my husband has been legitimized and pays child support monthly. We are not in the best financial situation, so we can not afford an attorney, but she is not letting him see his son and she has her 3 children (none of which belong to her current husband) calling her new husband daddy. I don't think it is right. I think it confuses the children. Meanwhile my stepson is upset because his mommy won't let him save his daddy a piece of his birthday cake. Sad, huh?

sherrybaby1982 · Apr 25, 2009, 06:14 AM

Originally Posted by pathisfer

I find it sad that your husband decides to live in another state away from his child. It's great he obeys the law and pays child support but you can hardly blame the mother for all this! She's the one that has to answer her kid's questions about why Daddy isn't around and why Daddy doesn't see him. He needs a father figure in his life and it looks like it's that new husband of hers. He's consistently in that child's life on a daily basis!
If your husband wants to be a father to this child then he needs to physically be in his life on a consistent basis. He can't really expect to play Daddy over the phone and think this is the best thing for that child.

I came on this site to get legal advice, not for you to give a lecture about my husband's parenting. HE is a great father and a great man! SHE took off to another state and has moved fifteen times since, and is planning to move yet again. My husband does have another family and we cannot just pick up our two children and move around like nomads. All my husband wants is to be able to have regular visitation. She is on her third marriage with 3 different children by 3 different men. She is having to answer questions from their son about why SHE will not let him see his father. SHE is a BAD person and a BAD mother. We had to call the cops over six months ago (last time she actually let him see us) because SHE smacked him in the face right in front of their son. Don't presume to know someone's business based on a small paragraph. I am not looking for judgment, merely legal advise. I know I shouldn't let people like YOU, who jump to conclusions bother me, but don't be so quick to push your judgments on people YOU know nothing about!

ScottGem · Apr 25, 2009, 06:27 AM

Generally you have to file for visitation in the state where the child resides. However, if there is an existing support order, then you should be able to file in the same court.

The bottom line here is that you have to get a court to issue an order for visitation. If the mother won't abide by it, you have to take her to court and get her cited for contempt of court.

ScottGem · Apr 25, 2009, 06:30 AM

Originally Posted by pathisfer

I find it sad that your husband decides to live in another state away from his child.

First, this is the Family Law forum. Therefore, responses need to deal with the legal issues. Second, please don't moralize where there is no indication that its applicable. I think you assumed way too much here and your answer was totally inappropriate.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 25, 2009, 11:54 AM

He will need to file for child visitation ( and if there is a support order why did he not already have one? ) but he will have to file in the state where the child is living. If the mother is going to fight it, you will have to get an attorney.

sherrybaby1982 · Apr 25, 2009, 08:08 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

He will need to file for child visitation ( and if there is a support order why did he not already have one ??) but he will have to file in the state where the child is living. If the mother is going to fight it, you will have to get an attorney.

Well the problem is that she filed a restraining order against him claiming some pretty ridiculous things so the judge took sides, only filed legitimation, would not let him file visitation at the same time and as soon as that was over, she fled the state. It's been down hill since then. We can't seem to get anything filed in ANY state before she packs up and moves again. Personally, I think it should just show what an unstable parent she is.

sherrybaby1982 · Apr 25, 2009, 08:12 PM

If the child was born in the state the father resides (was her until the age of 2 months) then back and forth a few months, does my husband need to file in the same state, or does he still need to file in the state his son is in. If that is the case, how long does he have to live in that state before he is considered a resident?

Fr_Chuck · Apr 25, 2009, 08:17 PM

I will play your words back at you, not in harm, but if "picking up the bags and moving" is a sign of a bad parent, did not you and your husband move? 15 times in short period,

But you can file where she has established residence. Once filed she will have to address it at that court, even if she latter moves,
So the issue is filing it.

ScottGem · Apr 26, 2009, 05:59 AM

Originally Posted by sherrybaby1982

Well the problem is that she filed a restraining order against him claiming some pretty ridiculous things so the judge took sides, only filed legitimation, would not let him file visitation at the same time and as soon as that was over, she fled the state. It's been down hill since then. We can't seem to get anything filed in ANY state before she packs up and moves again. Personally, I think it should just show what an unstable parent she is.

Do you now live in the state where the original case was heard? If so, I would file there as a follow-up to the original case. The bottomline, is he has to get a visitation order in place. The fact that she seems to be hiding the child from him will not help her. On the other hand, if she got someone to believe he was enough of a danger to get a restraining order, that might justify things.

cdad · Apr 26, 2009, 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Do you now live in the state where the original case was heard? If so, I would file there as a followup to the original case. The bottomline, is he has to get a visitation order in place. The fact that she seems to be hiding the child from him will not help her. On the other hand, if she got someone to believe he was enough of a danger to get a restraining order, that might justify things.

I have to disagree with part of Scott's answer " On the other hand, if she got someone to believe he was enough of a danger to get a restraining order, that might justify things "

In most states there is no proof required to file for a restraining order. All it takes is for one side to announce a " fear " against the other side and you can obtain one. At a hearing if the judge can't figure out if it really occurred or not then many judges tend to give them away figuring what harm can in do in granting one verses what harm it may do if not granted.

And as far as the OP is concerned.. Where the last filing took place is where you should file. The court that made the decision on child support unless both parties are no longer in that state. He needs to file for custody and then try to make the orders stick. If you truly believe she is acting in her own interest and not those of the child you might ask for a custody evaluation to be performed ( that's for BOTH side ) and you will have more time to present your cases as well as prove any wrongdoing.

sherrybaby1982 · Apr 27, 2009, 10:22 AM

I appreciate everyone's response. It really is helpful.

Right now my husband is out of work, so we cannot really hire an attorney. How hard is it to file for visitation without an attorney? I just want to make sure that she doesn't take off even further away and then we don't get to see him at all. She expects us to come all the way to where she is when we do see him (which we don't mind right now since she is only a couple of states away), but her husband is in the military and I am not sure where they will end up.

sherrybaby1982 · Apr 27, 2009, 10:26 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I will play your words back at you, not in harm, but if "picking up the bags and moving" is a sign of a bad parent, did not you and your husband move ?? 15 times in short period,

But you can file where she has established residence. Once filed she will have to address it at that court, even if she latter moves,
so the issue is filing it.

I am not sure what you mean. The mother of the child is the one who has moved so many times, not us. We have been married for three years and she has moved 6 or 7 times just in that timespan. My husband has always lived here and has not moved.