[dealmein]

thanks guys for all ur opinions. honestly if my bf had told me that he wasnt gonna stop we probly wouldnt be together. i hate porn and i hate the way it portrays women. i dont want those images in his head when we have sex. it hurts. i do believe that its over for him. i just worry. especially since im gonna be gone for 2 weeks at the end of summer. hes only 19. it all started with junk email many years ago. and he did it alot. and he was addicted. it just sucks... his memory sucks, but yet he can remember the very first porn video he saw. and he can remember all that stuff... it pops in his head when we have sex... but yet he hasnt looked at porn in a very long time. it just hurts that he can remember that stuff but yet he doesnt remember things i tell him. or something that happen that i later talk about, he doesnt remember...

Your hate for this could seriously damage all your future relationships. I mean 21st century young men grow up with porn. Its unlikely you'll find a guy anywhere who hasent been aroused by it unless he has had or has a sex drive problem.

Maybe you could share just exactly what you don't like about him doing this? I would and I'm sure others would like to know why you find this so hurtful?

You get girls coming on here talking about their cheating boyfriends I mean if your like this with porn god knows what you'd be like if someone actually cheated on you.

Sorry if I seem a bit judgemental on the subject. I mean my girlfriend watches porn occasionally its not even as if she accepts me doing it she does it too so its not even an issue.

[Fuzzball_Kara]

Well, everyone is different. Some girls don't care but some do. As I can understand that to each his own, a girl needs someone who will understand some of her problems with things. If a guy loves a girl or vise versa and is not willing to give up something that bothers the other, then there might be a problem. If they go into a relationship and they are willing to give it up or just don't have it then OK. I can understand why this hurts her because it would hurt me to. That's just who I am and who she is. It's just people are different and you got to understand that some people will not find OK the things you do. It's a matter of diversity. It's good that we're not all the same. :)

[JustHisGirl]

Thanks fuzzball. Its who I am and I can't change how I feel. What you guys don't understand is that he's OK with how I feel. He had some setbacks. He understands my feelings 100%. That's why he promised to stop. I understand it was an addiction and he had set backs. My whole issue is just the trust thing.

[talaniman]

If he is working hard on his issues to make you happy, then show him trust, love, and support. And forgive him for not being perfect.

[JustHisGirl]

If he is working hard on his issues to make you happy, then show him trust, love, and support. And forgive him for not being perfect.

Your right. Thank you.

[pathisfer]

I think you just need to accept he is an addict and that you can 100% trust that he will look at porn. You can't control someone else's behavior and play "cop" to your boyfriend's extracurricular enjoyment. He's not changing his behavior, right? Accept it or leave and find someone that doesn't have this issue. A trustworthy addict is an oxymoron so you need to reset your expectations about this guy. It's like getting mad at your cat because it doesn't bark.

[dealmein]

Well, everyone is different. Some girls don't care but some do. As I can understand that to each his own, a girl needs someone who will understand some of her problems with things. If a guy loves a girl or vise versa and is not willing to give up something that bothers the other, then there might be a problem. If they go into a relationship and they are willing to give it up or just dont have it then ok. I can understand why this hurts her because it would hurt me to. That's just who I am and who she is. It's just people are different and you gotta understand that some people will not find ok the things you do. It's a matter of diversity. It's good that we're not all the same. :)

Lol its funny how this situation gets a totally different response to my own problem. I was totally mauled for thinking my girlfriends overweight and I have a problem with it. Changing her wasn't an option apparently.

She's been like this since I met her (as is this girls man with the porn) Apparently I am totally immature for wanting her to lose some weight. So why is it not the same for the porn? They are both "addictions" apparently. Is it because the porn is seen as seedy and disrespectful to woman. I think us men have to give up a lot too. My girlfriend may not be perfect but I love her and I've come to see it doesn't matter if she's overweight she's still who she is. It does still bother me I won't lie. I have no right to make her change though. Neither do you. Accept who he is or leave. That was the advice I was given so I'm throwing it right back at you.

[JustHisGirl]

Some people can't control being overweight. I don't understand how you can compare that to an addiction. I'm not leaving my boyfriend. He told me that even he thinks porn is stupid and he hates it. He doesn't want to look at the crap. Its and addiction and he really is trying to stop. Now I'm leaving this thread because I'm sick of people telling me to accept it. I'm not going too. I came here to ask about how I should go about trusting him with this again. I don't want your opinion on my feelings. Thanks for all the ones who did help.

[KERMC]

First things first, if you don't have trust your relationship won't work. Remember that you teach people how to treat you. When you let someone hurt you no matter what the suitation is, you teach them that it's OK. That person continues to do whatever it is because they know you will never leave. Second, Having an addiction to porn isn't natural. I'm not saying that it's not normal to watch a porn once in a while but like any other addiction when it starts to affect the people around you and your relationships there is a problem. If he loves you enough he will change or get help or whatever needs to be done. One thing you have to keep in mind is that if he doesn't feel that he has a problem he will never change.
Good luck.

[none12345]

some people can't control being overweight. i dont understand how u can compare that to an addiction. im not leaving my bf. he told me that even he thinks porn is stupid and he hates it. he doesnt want to look at the crap. its and addiction and he really is trying to stop. now im leaving this thread because im sick of people telling me to accept it. im not going too. i came here to ask about how i should go about trusting him with this again. i dont want ur opinion on my feelings. thanks for all the ones who did help.

Actually we did give you advice on how to go about trusting him but you couldn't see what we were trying to say. You don't need to bash people on here. Trust is not something that can be advised on. Its something you have or you don't. Something you can build but something that can be lost at the same time. That is what we're trying to say. If you can't trust him, than you don't. There's nothing more and obviously you don't because you came on here asking for advice on how to. Its something you have to figure out on yourself. We aren't you! We can't control how you feel.

[JustHisGirl]

Ugh and yet I came back.. anyway None, I know.. some of you did help me. But others were like accept that he looks at porn or leave him. And too KERMC he knows it's a problem, and he wants to change it, and he his going to change it. I do trust that he will. I do trust him... its just I worry. Thanks everyone for everything.

[none12345]

Yup since you trust him and he says he will change... than don't worry about it anymore and problem solved. Wish you the best!

-none12345

[KERMC]

I think you just need to accept he is an addict and that you can 100% trust that he will look at porn. You can't control someone else's behavior and play "cop" to your boyfriend's extracurricular enjoyment. He's not changing his behavior, right? Accept it or leave and find someone that doesn't have this issue. A trustworthy addict is an oxymoron so you need to reset your expectations about this guy. It's like getting mad at your cat because it doesn't bark.

Love it!

[dealmein]

some people can't control being overweight. i dont understand how u can compare that to an addiction. im not leaving my bf. he told me that even he thinks porn is stupid and he hates it. he doesnt want to look at the crap. its and addiction and he really is trying to stop. now im leaving this thread because im sick of people telling me to accept it. im not going too. i came here to ask about how i should go about trusting him with this again. i dont want ur opinion on my feelings. thanks for all the ones who did help.

First: All due respect you posted your problems on a forum so you're going to get discussions on all parts of what you said.

Second: If he's an addict like you say you can't trust an addict until he gets help. Basically its up to him to get help if he wants it. You should be sitting him down to talk about where you want to go from here WITH your boyfriend. Trust is part of a relationship and can't be taught by us telling you a few things to make you feel better. It has to be between you and him.

Third: Some people can't control being overweight yeah the ones with health problems stopping them from doing so. Others however who choose to consume more calories than they can burn off is somewhat addicted to an unhealthy amount of food thus gains more weight. Food is addictive I don't get why you think its not? :confused: Endorphins are released eating cakes, cookies, chocolate and a lot of other unhealthy foods - making you feel calm and happy at least temporarily i.e. addiction.

Masturbation does the same it releases Endorphins making you calm and happy i.e. addiction.