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barbi69 · Apr 22, 2009, 02:13 AM

I am 3months pregnant by married man.
He dumped me1month agao because his wife found out.
When we were together he was happy about my pregnancy telling me that he will help me in the future.
After he went home (he lives 5000miles! Away, was coming here twice a month for buissnes) I`ve heard from him once; `have abortion, my wife found out everything` and that was it; not a word about past, about things he promised.
I got one more call from his wife telling me that I`ve changed his husband for better; it was like a punch in my face.
I love this man deeply and I believe he loved me to. We had beautiful time together; he used to say that I was the only light in his life, that I was his angel, that he needs me; I miss him so much; I want him to call me, to tell me that everyhing will be OK, to give me this big hug and make me feel safe. Please don`t be `hard` on me; I know I shouldn`t have messed with married man but it just happened.
Now I feel empty, sad, my life doesn`t make sense anymore (I`ve tried to end it week ago); I feel pain, my heat is broken, endless tears are falling down; I can`t funcion anymore and its getting worst with time.
I`ve tried to call him but he won't answer my call, I`ve emaild him, no answer.
So what shel I do now? Wait and hope that he will call one day? Have a baby and hope that he`ll help me?
Please, tell me what should I do?

cheers123ab · Apr 22, 2009, 02:22 AM

How long did you guys know each other for?

Please don't end your life... you had a life before you met him. You have to be strong for you and your baby.

Romefalls19 · Apr 22, 2009, 05:21 AM

Only you know if you should have the baby or not, if he won't help you. Simply send his arse a paternity test request and take him to court for child support. You don't need this guy to complete your life, you could have a beautiful baby that will open your eyes to a brand new world that you will love. Don't contact him at all, wait until a decision about your baby happens, then if you decide to have it, send the court notice to him.

talaniman · Apr 22, 2009, 08:04 AM

Of course your hurt by the way things have worked out, but now its time to stop being a mistress, and be a good mother and build a happy, healthy, loving, caring life for your child.

Let him pay child support.

Justwantfair · Apr 22, 2009, 08:11 AM

You need a support group, friends & family, that you can lean on while you are pregnant and overly emotional.

This is a difficult time to try and rationalize about how this is probably the best result for your scenerio. You are no longer the "other women" because you are pregnant he will no longer be playing games with you to keep you around him, his cake and eat it too days are over.

I agree with what's mentioned, you need to hold him accountable to his financial obligations to the child. Do not let him off that hook.

Find your support system, you are going through a very difficult time with hormones that will make it difficult for your to analyze your situation appropriately. You need someone to lean on in this time of need.

Is there anyone to help you through this?

artlady · Apr 22, 2009, 08:26 AM

This man has shown a total lack of responsibility and concern for you and the unborn baby.

I find it very unlikely that he will suddenly change his mind and come back to you and make things right.

The things he told you matter very little,it is what he has shown you that matters and his actions say he does not care.

Do not base your decision to have or not have this child on anything to do with him.He is out of the picture.

You must base your decision on what YOU can personally handle.

I do not know where you live but planned parenthood offers counseling and support on a sliding fee scale.

Know that if you are considering termination,you have a very limited amount of time in which that is medically allowed by law so please make use of the link below to get help as soon as possible.

Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Inc.

barbi69 · Apr 22, 2009, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by cheers123ab

How long did you guys know each other for?

Please dont end your life...you had a life before you met him. You have to be strong for you and your baby.

Thank you so much for the answer. By the way; we lnew each other for about a year; and here is the best part: he lives in US, I live in UK. He used to come here twice a month for buissnes. I know, it souds like story from another planet.

barbi69 · Apr 22, 2009, 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Only you know if you should have the baby or not, if he won't help you. Simply send his arse a paternity test request and take him to court for child support. You don't need this guy to complete your life, you could have a beautiful baby that will open your eyes to a brand new world that you will love. Don't contact him at all, wait until a decision about your baby happens, then if you decide to have it, send the court notice to him.

Thank you for the answer; I`ll try to stay strong.

barbi69 · Apr 22, 2009, 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Of course your hurt by the way things have worked out, but now its time to stop being a mistress, and be a good mother and build a happy, healthy, loving, caring life for your child.

Let him pay child support.

Thank you for the answer; its very smart advice; thank you

barbi69 · Apr 22, 2009, 11:11 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

You need a support group, friends & family, that you can lean on while you are pregnant and overly emotional.

This is a difficult time to try and rationalize about how this is probably the best result for your scenerio. You are no longer the "other women" because you are pregnant he will no longer be playing games with you to keep you around him, his cake and eat it too days are over.

I agree with what's mentioned, you need to hold him accountable to his financial obligations to the child. Do not let him off that hook.

Find your support system, you are going through a very difficult time with hormones that will make it difficult for your to analyze your situation appropriately. You need someone to lean on in this time of need.

Is there anyone to help you through this?

Thank you for the answer; I`ll do my best to be strong. Thank you.

barbi69 · Apr 22, 2009, 11:12 AM

Originally Posted by artlady

This man has shown a total lack of responsibility and concern for you and the unborn baby.

I find it very unlikely that he will suddenly change his mind and come back to you and make things right.

The things he told you matter very little,it is what he has shown you that matters and his actions say he does not care.

Do not base your decision to have or not have this child on anything to do with him.He is out of the picture.

You must base your decision on what YOU can personally handle.

I do not know where you live but planned parenthood offers counseling and support on a sliding fee scale.

Know that if you are considering termination,you have a very limited amount of time in which that is medically allowed by law so please make use of the link below to get help as soon as possible.

Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Inc.

Thank you for the answer, I`ll try to be strong; thank you for being so understanding

HistorianChick · Apr 22, 2009, 11:16 AM

Oh honey. I'm so sorry. This man is the lowest type of man - someone who won't own up to his mistakes and be the man that he thinks he is. By him dropping you when "his wife found out," it shows even more about his character. Having an affair shows that he's no man, but a coward... not owning up to responsibilities shows that he is a coward, a jerk, and a loser.

I'm sorry that you're having to make this decision by yourself. You were wrong to have the affair with a man that you knew was married; but, right now, you need to worry about your own mental health and the health of the little one inside you.

In the end, it is ultimately your decision if you will keep this baby, give him/her up for adoption, or choose not to go through with the pregnancy. YOU need to decide that, we can't tell you what to do.

All we can do is tell you that you're not alone, you will get through this, and you will be stronger because of it. If you choose to keep this baby, you have the amazing chance to make a difference in the world through him or her. You have a chance to be an amazing, loving mother... no matter who/what the father was.

I hope that you truly do seek counseling or help from friends and family about this. It is going to be hard to own up to this mistake, but you can do it. I know you can.

Like RomeFalls said, get this man to support you. It doesn't matter if he's from the US and you're in the UK... he's the dad. He made a mistake, now he has to pay for it.

Your heart hurts right now... but it will get better. You will survive.