[adinas_mommy08]

My boyfriend and I had been together for four years. We shared an apartment together, and had a child together. My daughter has his last name, and his name is on her birth certificate. However, he was just unwilling to grow up. His attitude towards our daughter and myself drastically changed. She is now almost 2 1/2 years old and he left us. He is a very sexist person. He believes that women are no good, should do everything the man asks, never leave the house, not spend any money because they do not make it, not leave their children for a second, and that men are better than women anyday. About a month and a half ago he just left. Didn't take his things, say goodbye, tell me he was coming back, or anything. He refuses to see his daughter, speak to her on the phone, or get his things

(He wants to leave his things here so that I do not have proof he is living somewhere else, so that he doesn't have to pay child support)

He has to be the one to take his name off the lease. I am not allowed to do it for him, and the manager and owners will not do it for him.

I have called him several times concering his belongings. He refuses to get them, and won't allow me to pack them. I have also called him to try to set up visitations, a financial plan so that we didn't have to deal with child support, and a set agreement on things involving her well being. He cusses me out every time, refuses to talk, and is very rude and aggressive. He has said things like "if you make me pay child support I will sign over my rights of her to avoid paying them" , "i have better things to do... like work. and things around here. i do not have time to see her", "if I wanted to see her, talk to her, or call I would. the fact that I haven't called or came around in almost two months should be a sign that i dont want to", "i dont owe you or her a penny and i dont plan on every paying you a dime towards child support", "her being sick does not affect me. I dont have time for like this"

I have heard that I may be able to get him for abandonment because of his refusal to see her, help out, pay for anything, and the fact that he just took off..? So I am really seeking any legal advice that someone may have regarding this matter.

[adinas_mommy08]

I forgot to state that I live in southeastern, Ohio. I am unsure as to how laws differ for each state. Sooo I guess I need advice on laws pertaining to Ohio specifically

[GV70]

(He wants to leave his things here so that I do not have proof he is living somewhere else, so that he doesn't have to pay child support)

"if you make me pay child support I will sign over my rights of her to avoid paying them" , "i have better things to do... like work. and things around here. i do not have time to see her", "if I wanted to see her, talk to her, or call I would. the fact that I haven't called or came around in almost two months should be a sign that i dont want to", "i dont owe you or her a penny and i dont plan on every paying you a dime towards child support", "her being sick does not affect me. I dont have time for like this"

Sounds interesting... he cannot sign over his rights, he can choose not to exercise them.Rights and obligations ARE separate...

I have heard that I may be able to get him for abandonment because of his refusal to see her, help out, pay for anything, and the fact that he just took off....?????? So I am really seeking any legal advice that someone may have regarding this matter.

Does he have an order to pay child support?If the answer is no-my advice is to get one.It is true that no one can force him to exercises his rights.But he can /and must/ be forced to fulfil his obligations.

[stevetcg]

You do not have to prove he lives somewhere else. File for support. If he tells the judge he still lives there he will be committing perjury (A felony) and could go to jail for it for upwards of 5 years.

Stop trying to deal with him directly and let him tell the court that he doesn't plan on paying support. See how much they care for his attitude.

[ScottGem]

Are you on the lease or just him? When does the lease expire?

What I'm getting at here is that you might want to consider moving. If you are not on the lease, you can just move out. Let the landlord try to collect from him. If you are on the lease, give then appropriate notice and move out.

As GV70 said, he can't sign over his rights. Only a court can terminate parental rights and they will not do so to allow him out of paying support. So that's an empty threat.

But steve is right, stop trying to deal with him. Go to Family Court and file for custody and child support. If you can move first that would be better but not necessary. If a judge asks why you moved, tell them you could no longer afford the apartment since he left.

[stevetcg]

As GV70 said, he can't sign over his rights. Only a court can terminate parental rights and they will not do so to allow him out of paying support. So that's an empty threat.

For a little extra fun, tell him that if he wants to sign over his rights, at the support hearing all the has to do is tell the judge that he wants nothing to do with the child and doesn't want to pay support so his rights should be terminated.

The expression on the judges face when he explains what an idiot he is should be worth the price of admission. :)

Seriously though... there is a popular misconception that terminating rights terminates responsibility. Even if he were allowed to terminate his rights, it would not stop child support obligations unless YOU were to have your new husband adopt the child.

[ScottGem]

Seriously though... there is a popular misconception that terminating rights terminates responsibility. Even if he were allowed to terminate his rights, it would not stop child support obligations unless YOU were to have your new husband adopt the child.

That's not 100% accurate (more like 90%). There certainly is a popular misconception that a parent can voluntarily relinquish their rights to a child and walk away. That is certainly not true. Getting a TPR is very difficult and no judge is going to allow a parent a TPR just to get out of paying support.

But the fact is that states laws differ. Some state laws say a TPR terminates both rights AND responsibilities. Others only rights. So, in those states where they terminate both the parent could be released from support. The kicker though is that its even harder to get a TPR in those states. So from a practical matter, TPRS are gernerally granted in two situations. To clear the way for an adoption (in which case the adoptive parent takes on all rights AND responsibilities) or because the parent represents a danger to the child.

So the likelihood of his signing over his rights is Nil and I would also like to be there when he asked the judge if he can sign over his rights.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes,

1. don't talk to him on the phone or try to make him do anything

2. use the courts, get a court order of custody, get a court order for support.

Be glad this jerk is out of your life, I have to ask, why in the world did you ever get with him to start with.
If he thought that badly of women to start with, what did you see in him, do you like getting treated like that

[adinas_mommy08]

yes,

1. don't talk to him on the phone or try to make him do anything

2. use the courts, get a court order of custody, get a court order for support.

Be glad this jerk is out of your life, I have to ask, why in the world did you ever get with him to start with.
If he thought that badly of women to start with, what did you see in him, do you like getting treated like that

NO, I definitely did not like getting treated like that. He was not like that in the beginning. He was very much different than he is now. I believe that it has a lot to do with the fact for most of our relationship his family was not involved. The only time that they did in fact come around was when they were trying to start drama, spread rumors, or say things to him. He is stupid enough to believe everything that they say and to have what they say influence his decisions. I was pretty much backed into a corner after that. I have nowhere to go, no one to help out, no job (im a college student), this apartment is in his name. So I just thought that I would stay here with my daughter, until I could afford a place of my own and bills with my overrage checks. I was really hesitant about using my savings account to provide housing because if I could not find a job, then I would have no back up cash to support my daughter and I.