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sarah2009 · Apr 18, 2009, 07:40 AM

I would just lyk to ask why my 3 yr old daughter screams constantly, it can be from me asking her just to pick up her toys, to eating her dinner, to her not wanting to leave somewhere, I always try to speak to her while she is screaming and ask her why she is screaming like that but she never lisens and screams louder and often she gets really mad and starts to hit herself I really don't know what to do!

nitelight198073 · Apr 18, 2009, 12:13 PM

Have you talked to your doc about this... or maybe it is plain simple she is throwing tantrums and needs to be punished... please talk to doctor though he may be able to help

Wondergirl · Apr 18, 2009, 12:29 PM

Children at this age look up to their parents as role models and good examples. Don't ask her to do it or to help you. YOU begin to pick up the toys happily while singing the Barney song, for instance, or while singing a made-up song about picking up toys and putting them where they belong. Even if she doesn't make a move at first, keep doing this. I'm betting she will want to join in the fun.

The same with going somewhere. Let her know you will be going to the grocery store later and "Let's make a shopping list." Then do so and let her make marks or letters on your list as she suggests foods to buy. At the store, engage her help as you shop; keep up a running conversation with her about the food and about other shoppers, etc. Make her a pleasant part of the experience.

And the same with eating. Let her do simple things to help get a meal ready, even if she only folds napkins in half and put them on the table. We had a garden that the kids helped plan, plant, weed, and harvest. They, to this day, eat any kind of vegetable and have good memories of our family garden. Even if you have only a bean or tomato plant in a pot, involve her in its care.

Be empathetic. Treat her as you would want to be treated if you were three years old. You can put a lot of fun and education in her life.

Jake2008 · Apr 18, 2009, 12:35 PM

She begins to scream, in other words, when she doesn't get her own way.

Have you tried a time out? If you ask her to do a simple reasonable task, like picking up her toys, and she starts with the screaming, warn her. Second time, put her in a time out, for a minute for each year, so in her case three minutes.

I've seen this technique work on screaming kids having temper tantrums, on Nanny 911.

In the beginning, you may have to put her in the timeout for an hour or more, but eventually, she'll get it and sit still for 3 minutes.

The next time, when you ask her to pick up her toys, she'll realize she won't get out of it by screaming, and she'll just do it.

She has already learned that she can get her own way by screaming. Time to start age appropriate discipline, and put mom back in charge.

Wondergirl · Apr 18, 2009, 12:38 PM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

She begins to scream, in other words, when she doesn't get her own way.

Have you tried a time out? If you ask her to do a simple reasonable task, like picking up her toys, and she starts with the screaming, warn her. Second time, put her in a time out, for a minute for each year, so in her case three minutes.

I've seen this technique work on screaming kids having temper tantrums, on Nanny 911.

In the beginning, you may have to put her in the timeout for an hour or more, but eventually, she'll get it and sit still for 3 minutes.

The next time, when you ask her to pick up her toys, she'll realize she won't get out of it by screaming, and she'll just do it.

She has already learned that she can get her own way by screaming. Time to start age appropriate discipline, and put mom back in charge.

Read my suggestions and avoid the punishment hassles. Be creative, not punitive.

Jake2008 · Apr 18, 2009, 12:41 PM

I did read your suggestions, I just don't agree with them.

Just my opinion.

Wondergirl · Apr 18, 2009, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

I did read your suggestions, I just dont' agree with them.

Just my opinion.

I am so very sorry you don't.

N0help4u · Apr 18, 2009, 07:52 PM

I agree with wondergirl on the shopping list idea.
If you are springing things on her like ready to walk out the door and say come on it might be overwhelming in a sense for her. So make plans with her. Like say you are going to the store later and she can help with a list.'
Talk to her when she is not in a rage.
Talking to her when she is in a fit won't accomplish anything except more disruption.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 18, 2009, 08:00 PM

She is obviously overwhelmed and frustrated. Your not giving her choices in her daily life. You can give her choices and still be the parent. Children at this age craves independence. There are plenty of ways to do this. Wondergirl has made awesome suggestions. I suggest you try this approach. Punishing her or time outs for these things are not a good approach. Getting her involved and giving her more options is the way...

N0help4u · Apr 18, 2009, 08:03 PM

Also when possible (like somebody there that can watch her) tell her you are going to the store and see if she says she wants to come without including her.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 18, 2009, 08:06 PM

Be a parent and make her do it, I agree at 3 they have to given rules and results if they don't follow them.
Personally a swat to the rear, if it does not stop and make sure they are forced to do it, if they get away with doing what they want they will get wosrt

N0help4u · Apr 18, 2009, 08:09 PM

Yeah you can't let her get away with things but also you need to get to the root of why she is doing this.
Is it to get her own way, does she have some sort of emotional problem, is she afraid of something?

Wondergirl · Apr 18, 2009, 08:10 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Be a parent and make her do it, I agree at 3 they have to given rules and results if they don't follow them.
Personally a swat to the rear, if it does not stop and make sure they are forced to do it, if they get away with doing what they want they will get wosrt

I'm glad I'm not your kid!

JoeCanada76 · Apr 18, 2009, 08:14 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'm glad I'm not your kid!

Amen to that. There is other approaches and other ways. It does not mean not being a parent, what it is, is giving your children choices and approaching the situation in a different way.
My little Guy is doing so good. Of course, All toddlers have tantrums but our reactions as parents to them is very important. My boy is happy and doing so well. We get him involved in our everyday lives. He is a happy child.

Wondergirl · Apr 18, 2009, 08:43 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Amen to that. There is other approaches and other ways. It does not mean not being a parent, what it is, is giving your children choices and approaching the situation in a different way.
My little Guy is doing so good. Of course, All toddlers have tantrums but our reactions as parents to them is very important. My boy is happy and doing so well. We get him involved in our everyday lives. He is a happy child.

I just finished talking by phone with my mom who is 85 today. These were the methods she used to raise the four of us, and we have used those same ideas as we raised our own kids.

Get the child involved in the experience of cooking or baking or gardening or shopping or driving somewhere by singing together, writing, telling stories, doing specific jobs to help the process along (like folding napkins or putting out silverware or stacking newly-purchased cans by type of food). Even little kids can do amazing things to help, and, yes, it's more work for the parents to involve the child (and be sure to involve the child in cleanup too!). But let me tell you, when I taught preschool and kindergarten and even older kids, I could tell which students had been given these kinds of choices and had parents who stretched their imaginations. Those were the students who got right to business, who didn't whine, who always kept themselves occupied with schoolwork (and didn't annoy other kids). The students who had been slapped or swatted by parents were whiny and easily bored. Those kids had never been given the tools to be imaginative and cooperative and helpful. And yes, there is a time and a place for a timeout, but first the parents should do their utmost to solve the problem creatively, since the problem probably exists simply because the parent isn't parenting properly and creatively in the first place.

N0help4u · Apr 19, 2009, 09:46 AM

I know that my son had emotional problems and when I would smack him for things he ended up thinking it was okay to smack anybody anytime he didn't like something.
If you take time and patience and work with them, but not to the point they think they can rule you, they will sense they are a part of the family and learn about choices in life.
There is a time for smacking but when that is the solution to every time they cry they really don't learn.

Jake2008 · Apr 19, 2009, 12:20 PM

Unfortunately, people still whack first, and ask questions later, and it is very disturbing to see. An out of control child with an out of control parent.

There are many alternatives and alternative ways to teach and nurture children, I'd like to think that most of us are responsible, loving parents, and I think we are.

Some years are trickier than others, with new and different challenges, but, there is always a solution. My children are so different from each other, each required different ways and means to learn. Night and day.

I read an article the other day that said to strive not for a dictatorship with kids, but a benevolent dictatorship. :)

Just edited this to add the article.

http://lifestyle.sympatico.msn.ca/Li...abc&date=False