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Arzy99 · Apr 10, 2009, 06:35 AM

Hey guys..
Just browsing through the forum and I thought we should inject some positivity during this Easter Holiday period! :D..

I have noticed that many people's questions and struggles on here stem from them not actually loving/respecting/valuing themselves PROPERLY... causing them to be abused, disrespected, clingy, obsessive etc etc... these are all qualities that are obviously destructive in any relationship.

I just thought we could help these people out and give them some guidance and advice on how to love and respect themsleves properly... because I believe only then will they be able to find true love and have a loving, meaningful relationship. It would also be nice to have some success stories/anecdotes from people that have changed their lives around ever since realising and beginning to truly love and appreciate themselves...

I guess I'll start :p...

Well, after my breakup.. during NC I realised that I didn't deserve to be left for another guy after everything I had done for my ex girlfriend. I am learning everyday how to love myself even more.. this is what I have learnt and these are my guidelines (PLEASE feel free to add to the list);

* Keep fit - going to the gym has helped me TONS, I have been able to get my emotion out and feel so much better about my body image.

* Do whatever it is YOU want - I really wanted to travel and do an internship.. and that's exactly what I managed to do when I went to Europe earlier this year.

* Travel - Definitely recommend it, just to help you find yourself..

* Dont be so hard on yourself - There is nothing worse than someone who talks to themselves in a disrespectful manner, if you've done something wrong.. forgive yourself, don't hate yourself... remember, you live and learn..

* Be around people that love you and appreciate you - Do not carry on being in the company of people that put you down.. respect yourself enough to know you should never be treated that way!.

* Do good things for other people - The sense of satisfaction you get is UNBELIEVABLE.. I cannot wait to help AIDS sufferers in Africa, I am sure it will change my outlook on life... if you can do anything, be it big or small for another person... the sense of satisfaction will be overwhelming..

* Go Shopping - This can appeal to ANYONE (not just the ladies lol).. buy yourself that videogame you always wanted, or that HD TV you have been staring at for the past 2 months... and ladies, treat yourselves to a spa day or a manicure etc...

* Let go of the hurt - Don't dwell on what has happened in the past, you have to realise.. this is a new start now.. this is a NEW YOU!. go and face the world and you will find true love.. have faith in yourself

* Never settle for anything less than what you deserve - You must value yourself enough to realise what you deserve in life.. whether it be in a relationship or otherwise... never settle for less.. you deserve the best so strive to find it!

Well guys that's all I have got so far... please feel free to add to the list...

Remember; Loving yourself really is the key to a more healthy, balanced life... for yourself and the people around you...

Hope this helps..

kctiger · Apr 10, 2009, 06:41 AM

Take me on a date...

Dudes need not apply :cool:

starlite1 · Apr 10, 2009, 06:45 AM

Thanks Arzy,

This is beautiful, and I apreciate it so much. I honestly don't know what I would do without all of you here on AMHD. I am in a really bad emotional state lately, and have been afraid of everything, especially fearing that I am not good enough for my boyfriend, etc. I don't know how to love myself, but this is a nice start.
God bless you.
Karen

kctiger · Apr 10, 2009, 06:48 AM

You have to truly focus on the positive. It is easy to realize what you don't have, but it is key to focus on what you DO have! You have to remember that you are here for a reason... you were put on Earth to do something, and it wasn't to sit around and feel sorry for yourself. It was to make an impact, a positive impact, on other's lives.

Arzy99 · Apr 10, 2009, 11:17 AM

Great post KC.. had to spread the rep.
Too many times people focus on the negatives about life and about themselves... we need to learn to see the positive in every 'bad' situation and the opportunity in every so called 'problem'... but most importantly, we need to see the positives in ourselves.

artlady · Apr 10, 2009, 11:25 AM

Great post Arzy.The bottom line is that you have to be a whole person who can be fulfilled by yourself before you can enter into a healthy relationship.
I will add one to your thoughtful list.I use it as my signature.

Sometimes you've just gotta give yourself what you wish you were getting from someone else.

starlite1 · Apr 10, 2009, 12:14 PM

You are all so awesome. Thank you so much. The hard part is, I love my boyfriend to the ends of the earth, and beyond, but I was never taught how to love myself. I don't know how to do that at all. I don't understand; I mean I give my heart and soul to someone, I don't hurt people, I love animals, I know I am a good person in that aspect, but what am I missing? ( I know I sound totally stupid, I'm sorry in advance).

Arzy99 · Apr 10, 2009, 04:38 PM

There is no way to TEACH you how to love yourself... I don't think you can get a lesson on how to do it..

You really have to take a step back, look at yourself.. and ask yourself whether you are doing the things I have mentioned in the first post... do you just do things for other people, or do you also do things for yourself... we all need some love, we all need ourselves to fulfill that...

jjwoodhull · Apr 10, 2009, 05:55 PM

Much needed post, Arzy. Bottom line: Make yourself a priority.

emg13 · Apr 11, 2009, 03:49 AM

That is a GREAT post... in fact, I would nominate it as sticky quality. :)

redhed35 · Apr 11, 2009, 01:32 PM

Set achievable goals for yourself.dos'ent matter what it is,its for you.
When its done,stand back and admire your work,whatever it is,and give yourself a clap on the back for a job well done,be proud of your achievements,be proud of yourself.

teastalk · Apr 11, 2009, 04:16 PM

Life your life as you want to.

Imagine this: You're sailing on a river. Some are setting sail, some are leaving the river, and yet others are taking the fork in the road that you did not take. Eventually you will realize there is another sailboat on the river taking the same course as you. You are both traveling on the same path in life, your interests are compatible, and you're moving in the same direction.

Arzy99 · Apr 13, 2009, 07:39 PM

* Write a list of your good qualities and accomplishments - So many times people are too hard on themselves and ALWAYS dwell on the negatives... well its time to look at the positives now. Scribble down a list of all your good qualities, be honest with yourself... if you really find it hard, ask a friend or family member (it will really boost your confidence)... Some ideas are; a good listener, trustworthy, honest, loyal etc. Create a list of all these good things about YOU, and all your accomplishments... it's a great way to start on the road to loving yourself, because loving yourself is actually appreciating who you are. Go on to embrace and accept these qualities you are blessed with... accept yourself for who you are!!
Sometimes I think we all need a confidence/ego boost after a tough breakup, and this isn't a bad place to start.

none12345 · Apr 13, 2009, 08:00 PM

How can you show yourself some self respect? By not being around your ex which treats you badly? And more?

Janmarie · Apr 13, 2009, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by starlite1

You are all so awesome. Thank you so much. The hard part is, I love my boyfriend to the ends of the earth, and beyond, but I was never taught how to love myself. I don't know how to do that at all. I don't understand; i mean I give my heart and soul to someone, I don't hurt people, I love animals, I know I am a good person in that aspect, but what am I missing? ( I know I sound totally stupid, i'm sorry in advance).

This is a great post and people don't know how to love themselves. We are conditioned at an early age either by parents, friends, teachers and religion to put ourselves and our needs at the bottom of the list. Although giving of ourselves to others is a very loving act and when someone is in need we tend to drop everything to be by their side and that is what we are ment to do. When we enter into relationships we do give to our partners all of our love and sometimes go way out of our way to please them. To the point where they expect it ALL the time and take advantage of your good nature and heart. This is when giving becomes a chore rather then a gift and it causes resentment in the giver when the giving isn't returned to them in the same amount.

If you can actually say without any doubts that you are a complete and whole person all by yourself and that even if you spent the rest of your life without your boyfriend you would be completely okay....then you love yourself. If when you think about your life without him and you feel needy and insecure.....then you are looking to your relationships to "save" you as if you are nothing without them. Loving yourself is having a full life of your own...The list up at the top are great things to fill your life with. If you can be happy and content all on your own.....then you love yourself.

Arzy99 · Apr 14, 2009, 07:28 AM

Totally agree with you Janmarie..
If you can imagine a HAPPY life without your partner.. you love yourself. We have to remember, we create our own happiness... we should never feel the need to find happiness in our partners or other people. Once we have a happy, fulfilled life... we can then give the greatest gift of all, and that is to SHARE our life with our partner.. I believe there is no greater compliment than wanting to unconditionally share a fulfilling, healthy, happy life with your partner.
In order for us to be able to give such a gift, to share our lives with our partners... we must love ourselves and create happiness and fulfillment ON OUR OWN!.

You know, I didn't know all of this around 3 months ago... But sticking to NC after my break up helped me so much. It helped me learn these vital things, and bring me that step closer to truly loving myself. Just wanted to share that with those of you that are in NC like me atm and finding it difficult. Don't WORRY.. it definitely gets better, there will come a point where something will click, your eyes will open and you will realise what you are worth!.

Keep loving yourselves people