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Kia · Mar 31, 2009, 01:57 PM

OK, what about if you have had this dysfunctional relationship for years and you are to the point where you can't even see your life without them. And, it's not the same burning love like it used to be, but you still feel so attached & secrelty hope they will care about you; but its buried far, far, down ( to the point you don't even realize it sometimes) You know they are not going down the isle, but you know they have a significant other, but that doesn't stop either of you from seeing one another still.

You know its dysfunctional, but you keep in touch and don't recognize the dysfunction until you allow yourself to think about it.

It's like you know it is "healthiest" to let go; but then you are not sure because after 8 years the person has grown to be a odd, but lasting part of your life... like a sweet fungus.. lol

Is NC the best for that as well?

PirandelloLuigi · Mar 31, 2009, 02:01 PM

Originally Posted by Kia

ok, what about if you have had this dysfunctional relationship for years and you are to the point where you can't even see your life without them. And, it's not the same burning love like it used to be, but you still feel so attached & secrelty hope they will care about you; but its buried far, far, down ( to the point you don't even realize it sometimes) You know they are not going down the isle, but you know they have a significant other, but that doesn't stop either of you from seeing one another still.

You know its dysfunctional, but you keep in touch and don't recognize the dysfunction until you allow yourself to think about it.

It's like you know it is "healthiest" to let go; but then you are not sure because after 8 years the person has grown to be a odd, but lasting part of your life...like a sweet fungus..lol

Is NC the best for that as well?

That's not healthy for you, and yes NC is the solution. It's all or nothing. You deserve better than being a 2nd option.

Justwantfair · Mar 31, 2009, 02:03 PM

Originally Posted by Kia

ok, what about if you have had this dysfunctional relationship for years and you are to the point where you can't even see your life without them. And, it's not the same burning love like it used to be, but you still feel so attached & secrelty hope they will care about you; but its buried far, far, down ( to the point you don't even realize it sometimes) You know they are not going down the isle, but you know they have a significant other, but that doesn't stop either of you from seeing one another still.

You know its dysfunctional, but you keep in touch and don't recognize the dysfunction until you allow yourself to think about it.

It's like you know it is "healthiest" to let go; but then you are not sure because after 8 years the person has grown to be a odd, but lasting part of your life...like a sweet fungus..lol

Is NC the best for that as well?

Your partner has a significant other... They are OFF LIMITS.

It's beyond NC, it's RC (Restricted Contact)... You are in a toxic, pointless relationship that you never should have started.

If I understood your post correctly.

confusedinpain · Jun 1, 2009, 12:46 PM

Hey all,
Thanks a lot for sharing this method.
I have a strong feeling that this will also work for me get over my girl
Starting it now...

mama2agirl · Jun 2, 2009, 12:44 PM

I was wondering if you have advice for people like me who can't have NC because of a child with your ex? He calls to say goodnight etc... she is almost 2 years old but I have to answer and he will always ask how she is and all these underlying things when he really wants to talk to me.. or flirt. In fact I am about to move but he wants us to stay here so we can be a "family" and keep the 3 of us together, we have broken up too many times and I just want to be done but I know he won't see our daughter if we move. He doesn't get visitation of his other 2 children. I feel like maybe I should keep us all together? By the way.. he cheated on me and said he is not IN love with me but loves me

Romefalls19 · Jun 2, 2009, 12:48 PM

Ah, the perfect time to indulge into this, as my fiancé has two kids by another guy. What we did, because she does not wish to speak with him, is tell him that they will call him(at a certain time) and we dial the phone, as soon as he picks up we let the girls talk to him. No communication takes place between us and him, only between the girls and him, when they go, we pick the phone back up and then hit the hang up button. If he has a problem with that, tough. You have be strong for yourself and your child. You still let him talk to the child, but don't let him play head games with you

Justwantfair · Jun 2, 2009, 02:01 PM

I agree with Rome, you monitor and watch the phone assist with the call, but don't converse with the ex personally. All information that must be shared with my ex, is shared via email.

Email communication can extremely limit the conversations that go the wrong direction and stay on track, making sure that you make your point, making sure that you listen to the point of your ex. It allows for a cool off period if you don't agree with an email and an opportunity to address written issues, not tones and undertones.

I wish · Jun 11, 2009, 05:49 AM

I'm not sure if this issue was brought up, but it's touched upon in the main post. It's about getting updates about the person. Mutual friends should definitely help out to keep the two people apart. But furthermore, it's important not to get updates about the other person life from anyone (friends, family, acquaintances, etc.). Any type of news can hinder the progress, because it will just make you over-analyize the other person's life.

Romefalls19 · Jun 11, 2009, 06:22 AM

I wish, my friends knew not to talk about her life to me. And friends who didn't know, I quickly informed them. They obliged and things went smoothly

wontgohomewou · Jun 11, 2009, 07:03 AM

Do I have to say hi to my ex when I see her in person? She's going to live 5 doors down from me in the fall and I honestly don't even want to talk to her. To me she is dead. What should I do?

I wish · Jun 12, 2009, 05:49 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I wish, my friends knew not to talk about her life to me. And friends who didn't know, I quickly informed them. They obliged and things went smoothly

Oh, I was just trying to add it to the list somehow, because I notice a lot of people believing that they are in no contact, but are somehow still getting updates about their ex, which is hindering their progress.

melly07 · Jun 19, 2009, 09:19 AM

What do I do if the girl he started dating has the sam name as me?

kctiger · Jun 19, 2009, 09:22 AM

Originally Posted by melly07

what do i do if the girl he started dating has the sam name as me?

You do nothing! What is it you think you should do?

Romefalls19 · Jun 19, 2009, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by melly07

what do i do if the girl he started dating has the sam name as me?

Being that your name is probably used by several different citizens of the various countries. You do nothing

melly07 · Jun 19, 2009, 09:27 AM

So it doesn't matter ?

Romefalls19 · Jun 19, 2009, 09:27 AM

Nope not even a little bit

Justwantfair · Jun 19, 2009, 09:28 AM

Please refrain from asking the same question on multiple threads.

Yes, it doesn't matter that her name is the same.

You think he sought out someone with your name just to date them? That isn't even rational or fesible. You need to let go, you are the obsessed one.

kctiger · Jun 19, 2009, 09:29 AM

I assume you are wondering if it means he still has feelings for you by dating another person with the same name right?

My ex did this fairly quick after we broke up... dated a dude with the same name. I can tell you that she had ZERO feelings for me, and her dating this guy had nothing to do with me.

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Derrick E · Jun 30, 2009, 02:14 AM

I'm looking for an answer... I'm trying to start the no contact phase (ex just broke up w me today) but there are obstacles.

I have already cleared her stuff out of two rooms and I have two more to go and a closet... Im putting everything in the laundry area...
I have deleted every email from her... I still have more to do like the phone and other social network sites... I break down balling my eyes out every time I get rid of these things and erase her completely from my life

One is that her stuff is still here and she still needs to come get it and move out...

Second we got this dog together and she wants me to keep it until she can pay the pet deposit... I love the dog and spent 6 months training it... I know she is going to come get it and I'll just be that more attached to it

Third... what do I do about any joint belongings

Fourth... how should I handle photos on the computer from our vacation that I want to keep... should I just get rid of anything with her in it? I don't want to lose memories... what about holiday video tapes with the rest of my family and such...

I have to allow her to contact me to move her stuff... I like the thought that things will work out for us and don't want to make the break up worse...

What should I do about these situations?
How should I act when she comes to get her stuff?
How hard should I make it for her to get her stuff?
How do I handle the phone calls and such?

To find out about our relationships history just check out the only post I have made... I could always use more answers.