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DoubleDx2 · Mar 28, 2009, 11:19 PM

Me and my ex-girlfriend we're just about to make up again, she admitted that she still likes me an everything seemed like it would happen. There is one guy in the middle but I think he's taken care off. In my opinion what I think the problem is that she has seen that I'm willing to change for her and she is frustrated because of this or something like that and now all of a sudden she just doesn't want to get back.

ChihuahuaMomma · Mar 28, 2009, 11:25 PM

Be cautious. Things will never be the same after a break up. Trust needs to be rebuilt, and it takes a lot of work to mend a broken relationship. What was the reason that it ended in the first place? And if there is someone that could interfere, and she doesn't cut ties immediately with this person, then it's a bad idea. Just let her go.

talaniman · Mar 29, 2009, 06:39 AM

How old are you, and why did you break up in the first place? Are you sure your issues are resolved?

DoubleDx2 · Mar 29, 2009, 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

Be cautious. Things will never be the same after a break up. Trust needs to be rebuilt, and it takes alot of work to mend a broken relationship. What was the reason that it ended in the first place? And if there is someone that could interfere, and she doesn't cut ties immediately with this person, then it's a bad idea. Just let her go.

The reason in the first place we broke up was because I lied to her. I already proved that I can change and she believed me or so I think. It might not be that easy as it sounds, but I've been giving it time and effort.

DoubleDx2 · Mar 29, 2009, 06:46 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

How old are you, and why did you break up in the first place?? Are you sure your issues are resolved??

I'm 18 and the issue obviously isn't as easy to be resolved as I might think, because I'm the one who did the mistake because I lied to her once. That and something with doing drugs but yea, I proved her that I could change one of the things which was the lying and she believed me but after we broke up I started with the drug part again. This is why she thinks I cannot change or has doubt sometimes because she said that when I have hopes of getting back together I change. Which isn't entirely true, yet I don't get her point either if she isn't my reason to change what should it be? She also said that she is scared that if she gets back up with me things might not change because I will no longer have a reason.

artlady · Mar 29, 2009, 07:01 AM

Bottom line is you can't make someone be with you.

She has made her decision ,now you must accept it.

It is great that you have gotten away from the drugs but if she does not trust you the relationship will be compromised.

liz28 · Mar 29, 2009, 08:14 AM

Move on because sitting around waiting for her to decide if or when she wants to get back you isn't worth.

It is good that you learned your lesson about how drugs can ruin a relationship. Even though she was your motivation to stop using drugs ultimately you have to stop using for yourself.

We live and we learn because that's what life is all about and your still young.

Also, what did you mean by "there was another guy that try to come between the two of you but he got taken care of?" (not a direct quote but you wrote something to that effect)

talaniman · Mar 29, 2009, 08:15 AM

I don't get her point either if she isn't my reason to change what should it be?

I think she feels like you should be changing for yourself, not for her. Change because you want to be better, not just to impress her. She is rather wise in that regard as change for any reason other than that's what you want for yourself, is not only insincere, and motivated by wanting her, but a detriment to you also, as witness by your returning to drugs, after a break up.

That also shows her this change is temporary, and has conditions on them, your being with her. This will have her cautious about you, and your motives, and fearful.

Its like your blackmailing her to stay with you, and shows neediness, and puts a lot of pressure on her to be with you, instead of making a decision and sticking to it, because it's the right thing to do.

Hope I made sense.

DoubleDx2 · Mar 29, 2009, 05:37 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

Also, what did you mean by "there was another guy that try to come between the two of you but he got taken care of?" (not a direct quote but you wrote something to that effect)

What I mean by that is there was this rebound guy but he's out of the question or at least I think so.

DoubleDx2 · Mar 29, 2009, 05:39 PM

I guess you're right about the part about the change being from myself but what if the change is initiated by her yet sustained by myself. Couldn't that be reason enough? I guess that doesn't mater to anyone here but it does a bit to me.

PirandelloLuigi · Mar 29, 2009, 05:52 PM

She's probably just looking for reasons or excuses to break up. Avoid her, don't talk to her. No contact.

talaniman · Mar 29, 2009, 07:45 PM

what if the change is initiated by her yet sustained by myself. Couldn't that be reason enough? I guess that doesn't mater to anyone here but it does a bit to me.

That's the point, those changes are rarely long lasting, and there is no way you'll convince her its going to be permanent, unless you make it that way.

I think your going to have to face the fact, that once trust is gone, it takes a lot to get it back, and it's a lot of work.

To be honest, I don't think she is willing to wait, or work with you on this.

LoveStoned · Mar 29, 2009, 08:24 PM

Originally Posted by DoubleDx2

Me and my ex-girlfriend we're just about to make up again, she admitted that she still likes me an everything seemed like it would happen. There is one guy in the middle but i think he's taken care off. In my opinion what I think the problem is that she has seen that I'm willing to change for her and she is frustrated because of this or something like that and now all of a sudden she just doesn't want to get back.

She's most likely scared that the second round will fail as well. Were there promises that were continuouslly broken? That's a good reason to be skeptical about change. Why now and not then when you promised? She probably thinks your saying this just to get her back. I once felt like this. Or why did things have to get this far before change? You should just back off each other for a couple of months. It seems as though she's very confused. Go NC both of you need time to rediscover yourselves.

keeshy420 · Mar 29, 2009, 08:32 PM

Same happening here, but if she don't want you, then walk away. I know its hard but you just gotta do it, It isn't gonna fix its self.

DoubleDx2 · Mar 29, 2009, 09:12 PM

Fair enough, though I told her once I didn't want anymore contact and she got kind of depressed about it and all heartbroken. We broke up over 4 months ago now and we've had our time to think things through and like I said she went into a rebound relationship, sort of she just went out with this guy. I myself went through a lot of internal problems like depression (faliure) and well hating myself for being like how I am. The lying part is something I get from my dad and I didn't lie about anything big but it's those little things that broke the confidence. Like she said once she cannot trust me for the fact that I lie so easily about things and she trusted me to the point of having no way to be sure about if it was the truth or not and it freaked her out.

DoubleDx2 · Mar 29, 2009, 09:21 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

To be honest, I don't think she is willing to wait, or work with you on this.

This might sound kind of funny but I think she is willing to wait but she can't help me change on my own because then she would get in the same thing you said. She is being the reason and not my own. Tho she is willing to wait or so I think, on one of our talks she said this: I want to change even if I see you 4 years from now with someone else and you want nothing else with me, that would make me happy". There I think she really does want to be with me but doesn't trust my changes. So after that the question is: what to do?

talaniman · Mar 30, 2009, 05:41 AM

Leave her alone and get your own thang together, and find your own happiness. That's what you do.