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Flashpitstop · Mar 19, 2009, 03:36 PM

I ve been seeing a lots of stories about cheaters, heart brokers, self fishing, etc.
Why the heck are girls are doing it so much? Why don't they be honest, and just quit the relationship before they do that? Why?
Im so revolted with that question, that trusting a person is the most important thing for me.

Someone with some idea?

Thanks all.

artlady · Mar 19, 2009, 03:41 PM

Morality has gone right out the window.
I think the general consensus is if the guys can do it so can the girls.

Why don't be honest and just quit the relationship before do that?

Because they want their cake and they want it eat it too.The BF is good for something's and the booty call guy is good for some as well.
It is hedonism at its worst.

Flashpitstop · Mar 19, 2009, 03:46 PM

I'm concluding that the girls always want to have a second option right away, it seems like a step boy, or a spare guy, if the first relationship doesn't work, they can jump for that, sounds like self fishing world.

Pretty sad.

liz28 · Mar 19, 2009, 03:57 PM

Hey, I been with my fiancé for a little over two years and never cheated. So everybody doesn't cheat.

Just like you read stories about females cheating what about the stories about the males cheating?

Both sexes cheat and only the cheater knows why they cheat, even if the reason only makes sense to them.

Also, it seems like alcohol is the main reason given so maybe some people shouldn't drink or should know how to limit themselve. I mean I drink sometimes and still never cheated.

Flashpitstop · Mar 19, 2009, 04:00 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

Hey, I been with my fiance for a little over two years and never cheated. So everybody doesn't cheat.

Just like you read stories about females cheating what about the stories about the males cheating?

Both sexes cheat and only the cheater knows why they cheat, even if the reason only makes sense to them.

Also, it seems like alcohol is the main reason given so maybe some people shouldn't drink or should know how to limit themselve. I mean I drink sometimes and still never cheated.

Makes sense, but my question is about girls cheating, I would like to hear some girls who cheated before and why they did. Just to understand better this wrong way.

starlite1 · Mar 19, 2009, 04:21 PM

Hi Pit,

Ive never cheated, but a friend of mine cheated on her boyfriend back in the day. Her reasons were because he didn't pay her any emotional attention. They would have sex and all but even then he wasn't showing that he cared about her emotionally. So she happened to meet someone who was nice, and ended up falling for him, and eventually slept with him. Granted, she should have broken up with her boyfriend first, but didn't which I thought was wrong. But that was the reason she cheated, in her case.

liz28 · Mar 19, 2009, 04:24 PM

Doesn't matter my statement stills stand.

I recall in my teen years I dated a guy that cheated on me and his reasons behind it was because he was playing true or dare and he was drinking beer.

So even though girls cheat, boys do too.

Flashpitstop · Mar 19, 2009, 04:25 PM

Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi Pit,

Ive never cheated, but a friend of mine cheated on her boyfriend back in the day. Her reasons were because he didn't pay her any emotional attention. They would have sex and all but even then he wasn't showing that he cared about her emotionally. So she happened to meet someone who was nice, and ended up falling for him, and eventually slept with him. Granted, she should have broken up with her boyfriend first, but didn't which I thought was wrong. But that was the reason she cheated, in her case.

Why she didn't say that to him? Otherwise cheat on her boyfriend.

Alty · Mar 19, 2009, 04:25 PM

Long ago I did cheat, why, because I didn't care about myself or anyone that I was with. I had bad stuff happen to me when I was young and as a result I became promiscuous and callous. I'm not excusing what I did, but it happened, nothing I can do to change it now.

Fast forward to today. I've been happily married for 14 years, my hubby and I have been together for 19 years (half our lives) and I've never cheated on him. What's the difference? I love him.

Does that answer your question?

Flashpitstop · Mar 19, 2009, 04:28 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Long ago I did cheat, why, because I didn't care about myself or anyone that I was with. I had bad stuff happen to me when I was young and as a result I became promiscuous and callous. I'm not excusing what I did, but it happened, nothing I can do to change it now.

Fast forward to today. I've been happily married for 14 years, my hubby and I have been together for 19 years (half our lives) and I've never cheated on him. What's the difference? I love him.

Does that answer your question?

But still unfair, you can't put your problems doing something against another person, who care about you... Don't know...

starlite1 · Mar 19, 2009, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by Flashpitstop

Why she didnt say that to him? otherwise cheat on her bf.

She tried discussing her issues to her boyfriend, but he didn't see a problem.

Ren6 · Mar 19, 2009, 04:31 PM

It's 50/50. There are just as many male cheaters as female cheaters these days. I imagine the reasons for women to cheat are the same as men's... the feeling of having a "secret" life, something else on the side... I haven't cheated, so I don't know.

Flashpitstop · Mar 19, 2009, 04:31 PM

Originally Posted by starlite1

She tried discussing her issues to her boyfriend, but he didn't see a problem.

Oh OK... all the time, communication problems...

Alty · Mar 19, 2009, 04:32 PM

Originally Posted by Flashpitstop

But still unfair, you can't put your problems doing something against another person, who care about you... Dunno...

I didn't say it was fair, in fact it was very unfair. You're right, I shouldn't have cheated, but I did. I can't go back and change it now, it is what is, or in this case was what it was.

I was sexually abused as a child, raped as a teen, and in some ways I guess I was trying to get even. I also didn't care about myself, much less the guys I dated.

Did they care about me? Maybe some of them did, but not all of them, I can promise you that.

My husband is the first guy that actually did care about me no matter what. I didn't cheat on him because I didn't want to.

So, once a cheater always a cheater isn't accurate. Sometimes people make mistakes, you can either forgive them or let them go, but you can't change them unless they want to change.

Flashpitstop · Mar 19, 2009, 04:32 PM

Originally Posted by Ren6

It's 50/50. There are just as many male cheaters as female cheaters these days. I imagine the reasons for women to cheat are the same as men's...the feeling of having a "secret" life, something else on the side...I haven't cheated, so I don't know.

Bingo, my ex girlfriend, who I think cheated on me, always asked me about secrets, what's your secrets? Is that because she had secrets on herself?

Flashpitstop · Mar 19, 2009, 04:36 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

I didn't say it was fair, in fact it was very unfair. You're right, I shouldn't have cheated, but I did. I can't go back and change it now, it is what is, or in this case was what it was.

I was sexually abused as a child, raped as a teen, and in some ways I guess I was trying to get even. I also didn't care about myself, much less the guys I dated.

Did they care about me? Maybe some of them did, but not all of them, I can promise you that.

My husband is the first guy that actually did care about me no matter what. I didn't cheat on him because I didn't want to.

So, once a cheater always a cheater isn't accurate. Sometimes people make mistakes, you can either forgive them or let them go, but you can't change them unless they want to change.

I understand that happen for some traumas also, what makes you feel secure with your husband now, to don't cheat? What he does to you, to make you feel good?

starlite1 · Mar 19, 2009, 04:36 PM

No, not necessarily. She may be trying to get close to you. Just because she is asking if you have secrets does not mean that she has secrets.

Alty · Mar 19, 2009, 04:43 PM

Originally Posted by Flashpitstop

I understand that happen for some traumas also, what makes you feel secure with your husband now, to dont cheat? what he does to you, to make you feel good?

It's not what he does, it's the relationship we have. I respect him, I love him, and I choose not to cheat on him because he's my best friend, lover, father of my children, and that means a lot to me. He and I have been through a lot together and we're still in love, that's not something you just throw away.

I don't see myself as that traumatized little girl and teen anymore, I've gotten help dealing with that part of my life and I realize now that I am worthy of love, not just pain and heartache.

My husband and I are a team, for better or for worse, and those vows were not taken lightly by either one of us.

It's an every day thing. First you have to find the right person, then you have to work on your relationship every single day to make it work. Love isn't always enough. Respect and friendship, common goals, understanding and communication, are the things that hold a relationship together. Sure, it helps if there's love, but if that's all you have, you'll probably fail.

Make sense?

asking · Mar 19, 2009, 04:43 PM

Originally Posted by Ren6

It's 50/50. There are just as many male cheaters as female cheaters these days. I imagine the reasons for women to cheat are the same as men's...the feeling of having a "secret" life, something else on the side...I haven't cheated, so I don't know.

I'd have to look this up, but I'm pretty sure that men still cheat more often than women.

Biologically, women cheat to "hedge their bets." Same idea as in a hedge fund--you diversify your risk. If you have children by several different males, you increase the likelihood of having successful offspring. Women with high-quality mates have less reason to do this, but for some people the grass is always greener...

For men, the reasons are similar... PLUS men have the opportunity to reproduce without investing any time and energy into child rearing. Because so many men reproduce and run, we have deadbeat dad laws that force biological fathers to invest in their children. But these laws are very recent and the tendency to duck out, left over from the last half million years of evolution, is still there.

Now I'm going to duck! I know this isn't the answer you wanted. But you asked...

I'm not advocating any of this and I think people can resist these tendencies, especially if they are with someone whom they love and respect and who makes them feel loved.

Flashpitstop · Mar 19, 2009, 04:46 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

It's not what he does, it's the relationship we have. I respect him, I love him, and I choose not to cheat on him because he's my best friend, lover, father of my children, and that means alot to me. He and I have been through alot together and we're still in love, that's not something you just throw away.

I don't see myself as that traumatized little girl and teen anymore, I've gotten help dealing with that part of my life and I realize now that I am worthy of love, not just pain and heartache.

My husband and I are a team, for better or for worse, and those vows were not taken lightly by either one of us.

It's an every day thing. First you have to find the right person, then you have to work on your relationship every single day to make it work. Love isn't always enough. Respect and friendship, common goals, understanding and communication, are the things that hold a relationship together. Sure, it helps if there's love, but if that's all you have, you'll probably fail.

Make sense?

Wow, that's the best response I ever had!
Thanks so much for that.