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Evesolano · Mar 18, 2009, 10:26 PM

When I told my boyfriend of 2 and half years that I was pregnant he asked me to get an abortion but I refused and kept my pregnancy, he threatened to leave me if I didn't get an abortion. He left me when I was 5 months pregnant and then came back but we were just friends but still acting like husbands and wives, but after thatI was asking him questions about his personal life such as his last babymother, he got upset and asked me to leave him alone and he don't want to be around him and to call him when I have the baby. What the hell was all that about? I did not call him ever since and he did not call me, its been 2 weeks now. What should I do now that I am expecting his baby? Please help with some thoughts.

captainpecan · Mar 18, 2009, 11:16 PM

In most cases, I would say good riddance, you don't need a man in your life like that. Unfortunately, he has a responsibility that he is not man enough to take care of. Be careful, and stick close to a best friend right now. I hate to say this, but you need to assume you will get absolutely no help from this man. DO NOT LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT... Make him take responsibility, but do not put yourself in a bad situation doing so. You and your baby are more important than getting this man to own up to his responsibility. Take care of yourself, and let the courts deal with him.

It is important to realize though, he was very upfront in making sure you knew he did not want this baby. This does not give him the right to abandon his responsibilities, but it does tell you upfront that working with him and the birth of your child is going to be like pushing a rope up a hill. Just get it through your head now, and worry more about yourself and that baby than getting all upset because the baby has a loser daddy.

It is also important to feel in your heart, that even though you may not have intended to get pregnant, this baby is not an accident. You are truly blessed to have the chance to bring a wonderful child into this world. A chance that many never get. Concentrate on the wonderful things ahead, and let the courts worry about the daddy.

Good luck, and keep your head held high. Trust me, there are many others in your shoes, and they are doing just fine!

artlady · Mar 19, 2009, 01:24 AM

You have made a very difficult choice and you have to rely on yourself.He is clearly not ready willing or able to be a true parent at this time and I hope you have an alternate support network to help you , as clearly,you can not rely on him.

So he is an irresponsible and selfish man and you are now going to be a mother and that is where you need to center all of your energy.

Did he know that you were not on birth control?
He may have felt that you were trying to trap him into a relationship by getting pregnant.Many girls do that and it is unfair to everyone in the long run.

I would inform him that you will be seeking child support and DNA testing after he birth.

At this time,you need to respect his wishes by leaving him alone.You do not need the aggravation.

Take care of your health.Your physical and mental well being should be uppermost in your mind.Stress creates hormones *stress hormones* that can pass through the placenta to the baby.It is important to be as stress free as possible during pregnancy.

Many Blessings.. Michele

talaniman · Mar 19, 2009, 07:02 AM

Seek the support of family, and friends, and concentrate on having a happy healthy child, who is loved, and wanted. Make sure your child gets the child support they deserve, and let your loser b/f do what ever he wants with his life.

If he is not part of the solution, don't let him be a problem.

Evesolano · Mar 19, 2009, 07:46 AM

I want to thank you for the response and I am doing good so far in trying to keep myself healthy and my baby boy. I really do miss him and wish to call him and check up on him but I refuse because of his attitude and I know he has a lot going on and that's why I'm giving his space but it's really unfair for me and my baby. I do thabk god that I'm a strong person that is living on my on with a ggod job willing to move forward but my question is, should I really call him when I'm in labor?

Originally Posted by captainpecan

In most cases, I would say good riddance, you dont need a man in your life like that. Unfortunately, he has a responsibility that he is not man enough to take care of. Be careful, and stick close to a best friend right now. I hate to say this, but you need to assume you will get absolutely no help from this man. DO NOT LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT... Make him take responsibility, but do not put yourself in a bad situation doing so. You and your baby are more important than getting this man to own up to his responsibility. Take care of yourself, and let the courts deal with him.

It is important to realize though, he was very upfront in making sure you knew he did not want this baby. This does not give him the right to abandon his responsibilities, but it does tell you upfront that working with him and the birth of your child is going to be like pushing a rope up a hill. Just get it through your head now, and worry more about yourself and that baby than getting all upset because the baby has a loser daddy.

It is also important to feel in your heart, that even though you may not have intended to get pregnant, this baby is not an accident. You are truly blessed to have the chance to bring a wonderful child into this world. A chance that many never get. Concentrate on the wonderful things ahead, and let the courts worry about the daddy.

Good luck, and keep your head held high. Trust me, there are many others in your shoes, and they are doing just fine!

Evesolano · Mar 19, 2009, 07:51 AM

I am a positive person who hold no grudges on anyone and all he made me was a stronger person but my concern is whether is should get him involved in my pregnancy or not or maybe because he is upset right now, just give him time to heal. I really don't know how to put this because he was not a bad man but after I got pregnany that's when evrything got worse. He has a daughter who is 3 years old and this will be his first son that he always wanted but at a later time, so I can't understand some things but I will just pry and see what happens. :confused:

Originally Posted by artlady

You have made a very difficult choice and you have to rely on yourself.He is clearly not ready willing or able to be a true parent at this time and I hope you have an alternate support network to help you , as clearly,you can not rely on him.

So he is an irresponsible and selfish man and you are now going to be a mother and that is where you need to center all of your energy.

Did he know that you were not on birth control?
He may have felt that you were trying to trap him into a relationship by getting pregnant.Many girls do that and it is unfair to everyone in the long run.

I would inform him that you will be seeking child support and DNA testing after he birth.

At this time,you need to respect his wishes by leaving him alone.You do not need the aggravation.

Take care of your health.Your physical and mental well being should be uppermost in your mind.Stress creates hormones *stress hormones* that can pass through the placenta to the baby.It is important to be as stress free as possible during pregnancy.

Many Blessings..Michele

liz28 · Mar 19, 2009, 11:36 AM

Sadly you can't make him be involve in your pregnancy. It would be good if he would but if he don't want to you can't make him. Even once the child is born you can't force him spend time with him this is something he has to want to do. You can't make someone be a father but in the end he will have no good luck behind it.

However, even though you can't force him to be a father you can enforce that he pays child support. You seem to be very strong minded so stay that way.