[Flashpitstop]

Well, I broke up with my girlfriend 4 days ago, since that I had no contact with her.
The issue was a "friend" around her, I was so pissed off with that idea.
We had a good relationship, doing a lots of things together, and learning by each other.

We spent time together, on wekeends she came to my place to stay with me, also great sex last weeks. So, no excuses to meet, or date another guy.
Everything happened when she told me about a lunch with an old friend, during my birthday party(friday), because I told her I ll be working on Saturday morning (valentines day), but I already told her only until lunch. I felt betrayed for that notice.

Then we had a discussion at party and she left. I didn't answer her phone for 3 days, then I decided break the silent and talk to her, she was out of the town. We just spoke after one week, was a hard time to explain my feeling for what she did. Whatever, we get together again, had a trip, so good.

Then the things started to be strange again, sometimes she was so happy, sometimes so cold. We had a lots of conversation about our relationship, and about plans.

I already told her I want change things to be better and start to make our plans together.
Before that, I heard her on the phone talking with her sister about moving from her old place with romies, to a new place, with her friend, she said he ll be out of the town all week and come back only on the weekends, that ll be great to share a place and bills, with nobody around. That sounds strange to me, I asked her to live with me, but she said, she ll live with her significant only after marriage, because of her last experience with her last boyfriend. I respect that, but can't accept my girlfriend living with that guy, don't know why but don't trust him.
I never met that guy before, she just said since that first time about the lunch.

Two days before break up, she sent me lots of text message, saying she was feeling so good, we had a good night one day before, and bla bla bla.
On Friday, she said the same thing, was feeling so good... but Friday night I sent a message before sleep, and she didn't respond that (she works as barthender late, also until AM4), on Saturday morning I had to work again until lunch, she just message me close to lunch, saying what time I ll come around her place, and to text her on the way.

So I did that, and went to her place, when I got in there, I saw a different car, when I got into her place, he was in there! And she said he came for a shower, because he doesn't has a place to stay in our town, he works out of town, and to see her, I got so mad and start asking her about everything, why she didn't told me he was in there before, if she knew I don't like that guy, or just to have a talk to kill the issue. I got so confuse with that, he left quickly, just said hi nice to meet you... She said if she wants to hide something from me, I coldnt find him inside of her place, but sounds like easy to her to keep the things under my eyes... don't know I'm confuse...

We had a discussion, I spoke a lots saying all the things, that sounds a betray to me, self fish, and cheat, but she said wasn't happen nothing, he is just a friend, but how can I believe her, about all of that things she gave me, like a bs. I said I can't accept that idea, and ll be better for us if it is over. And she asked me, its over? OK don't search for me after if you decided its over. I said, you can have your freedom, friends, life you want, but that is a disrespect for our relationship.

What can I do with this? Im so hurting for that...

[nikosmom]

Sounds like you have a bit of growing up to do- when you think something is wrong in your relationship, talk first before reacting. Doing childish things like not taking her calls (when you know doggone well you want to talk to her) doesn't solve anything.

In order for a relationship to be strong, there must be trust and communication. This situation has neither. Dating someone doesn't mean that you have to spend every waking moment together either; there should be a balance.

If it were her writing in, we'd probably be tellling her to get out of the situation because it's unhealthy. Well it's the same, but you need to take some time and look within yourself and figure out why you're so insecure especially if she hadn't given you reason.

Bottom line: you chose to end the relationship so it's over. It's natural to hurt because you cared for her but you have to move on and work on yourself so before you can have a healthy relationship with another woman.

[liz28]

This is way you shouldn't make any rash decisions while your upset because your not thinking with a sound mind. When your upset it is best to leave the issue alone until you have a clear mind and is able to make a discuss and the issue in a civil matter, you can't do that with a clouded mind.

Now you regret it and don't know which way to turn. The only thing I can tell you is to get this jealous thing underwrap and it's not uncommon for a girlfriend not to want to live with you either though uou made the offer especially when you knew what happen to her in the past with her ex. This is what really pissed you off because now your like "why be roommates with him instead of me, something going on". When that don't have to be the case.

Also, it isn't uncommon for people of the opposite sex to be friends and only friends, nothing more. Or for someone to remains friends with their ex. I am close friends with one of my exes and he is the godfather to my kids. We even lived together at one point and their was no funny business going on.

I don't know who hurt you in the past but all females aren't the same. Remember that!

[Flashpitstop]

You sound like your an obsessive, controlling jealous person.

What right do you have to tell her what friends she can or can not have.

You get mad and angry and jealous and honestly. You should do her some justice by staying away for good.

Until you learn how to get your jealousy under control. Your presuming guilt. Your presuming she is cheating even though she may not be.

So it is over. Tell her it is over. Please do that. Not because it is good for you but good for her to get out of a bad relationship by you.

Thanks Jesus, I already said that to her, she can do and have friends whatever she wants, but the thing was why she was hidding that from me? And just saying some things to hurt myself? Also, she is so bossy and tried to control what I was doing, if I said on the phone I'm going to gym, she got mad. Or about work on weekend. I was acting like that because I was so distrustful with her, and already said that. Is that true your girl spend time in her bedroom with some friend? ( I saw two cups of water on the table, then I asked first if he was in there, and she said no, and after pressure, yes!) If she had her living room to talk? I think I'm not that jealous at all, when someone doesn't give me the reason to be.

[Flashpitstop]

This is way you shouldn't make any rash decisions while your upset because your not thinking with a sound mind. When your upset it is best to leave the issue alone until you have a clear mind and is able to make a discuss and the issue in a civil matter, you can't do that with a clouded mind.

Now you regret it and don't know which way to turn. The only thing I can tell you is to get this jealous thing underwrap and it's not uncommon for a girlfriend not to want to live with you either though uou made the offer especially when you knew what happen to her in the past with her ex. This is what really pissed you off because now your like "why be roommates with him instead of me, something going on". When that don't have to be the case.

Also, it isn't uncommon for people of the opposite sex to be friends and only friends, nothing more. Or for someone to remains friends with their ex. I am close friends with one of my exes and he is the godfather to my kids. We even lived together at one point and their was no funny business going on.

I don't know who hurt you in the past but all females aren't the same. Remember that!

Thanks Liz, I already did that on our first discussion, NC for 3 days, when she said going to lunch with her friend on valentines day when I'm working. She has many friends, and me too, girls or mans, you know, but my feeling said that was something wrong with that... what can I do?

[Flashpitstop]

Sounds like you have a bit of growing up to do- when you think something is wrong in your relationship, talk first before reacting. Doing childish things like not taking her calls (when you know doggone well you want to talk to her) doesn't solve anything.

In order for a relationship to be strong, there must be trust and communication. This situation has neither. Dating someone doesn't mean that you have to spend every waking moment together either; there should be a balance.

If it were her writing in, we'd probably be tellling her to get out of the situation because it's unhealthy. Well it's the same, but you need to take some time and look within yourself and figure out why you're so insecure especially if she hadn't given you reason.

Bottom line: you chose to end the relationship so it's over. It's natural to hurt because you cared for her but you have to move on and work on yourself so before you can have a healthy relationship with another woman.

Yes I agree Niko, she said that to me grow up, after she left the bar. But after our first broke, I really changed my mind with that! And already told her. Coz in a relationship you should say something that your mate doesn't like, like I said that before, she never told me about that guy before... but after she said he was an old date, that didn't work that time. Is he trying to get a second chance or what?

[captainpecan]

Thanks Jesus, i already said that to her, she can do and have friends whatever she wants, but the thing was why she was hidding that from me? and just saying some things to hurt myself? Also, she is so bossy and tried to control what i was doing, if i said on the phone im going to gym, she got mad. Or about work on weekend. I was acting like that coz i was so distrustful with her, and already said that. Is that true your girl spend time in her bedroom with some friend?? ( i saw two cups of water on the table, then i asked first if he was in there, and she said no, and after pressure, yes!) If she had her living room to talk? I think im not that jealous at all, when someone doesnt give me the reason to be.

I have been in exactly the same position as you and her, just exactly reversed. I have got to tell you, it really sucked, and I hated it. You have got to step back from this situations, and look at them from another perspective. Replay the events in your mind, accept this time tell yourself she was not hiding things because she was cheating, she was hiding things because she knew you would ACCUSE her of cheating if she didn't. Step back and look at it like that for a moment. If she felt she had to lie, to save your feelings, and avoid terrible fights, how do you think that makes her feel about your relationship?

I agree with another post here... Not all woman are the same, and it is quite obvious there is a reason you are doing this. No, it is not all your fault, but most of it most likely is. Even her lies. Because she simply did not want to deal with your jealous reactions of the truth.

[captainpecan]

If you can't learn to trust, I feel sorry for both you and all those in your future. Sorry man, it's tough, but your going to have to swallow your pride, and trust someone. Will you get hurt again, probably. It sucks. But until you can stand back up, and take the risk of getting your trust violated again, you will never find anyone that you really can trust. Until then, even those who do not cheat on you, will always be cheating on you in your own mind.

[artlady]

I saw two cups of water on the table, then I asked first if he was in there, and she said no, and after pressure, yes!) If she had her living room to talk?

There is no reason for him to be in her room and I would have an issue with that as well.Some people are saying you are jealous and insecure but perhaps it is justified.
I would not like the shower deal either,it is too much intimacy to sound innocent.I think your feelings are justified,this sounds very suspicious to me.

[captainpecan]

@ Flash

I took a minute to read everything over again. You know, I must say, there are a few things that are pretty odd. One of which is that fact that it does not seem to bother her, that her friend caused a break up with her boyfriend? Almost a bit to easy. And I find it a bit funny that there was not a lot more discussion of her and this guy moving in with each other, and how it will affect your relationship. This one is tricky, after more thought, there is just not enough info to know for sure, but something does smell a little bit fishy here. There is no reason he should be hiding in her bedroom, while she says he is not there. Go find someone you can trust is my advice, your fault or hers.

[Flashpitstop]

I have been in exactly the same position as you and her, just exactly reversed. I have got to tell you, it really sucked, and I hated it. You have got to step back from this situations, and look at them from another perspective. Replay the events in your mind, accept this time tell yourself she was not hiding things because she was cheating, she was hiding things because she knew you would ACCUSE her of cheating if she didn't. Step back and look at it like that for a moment. If she felt she had to lie, to save your feelings, and avoid terrible fights, how do you think that makes her feel about your relationship?

I agree with another post here... Not all woman are the same, and it is quite obvious there is a reason you are doing this. No, it is not all your fault, but most of it most likely is. Even her lies. Because she simply did not want to deal with your jealous reactions of the truth.

I agree captain, but that was too much intimacy in my eyes, and if she knows I'm unconfortable with that guy, why do that to make me jealous again, and why after I said it over, she just is quite as well, and didn't say sorry for her mistake? To make feel that? Sounds all a big scene to make me break the relationship.

[Flashpitstop]

@ Flash

I took a minute to read everything over again. You know, I must say, there are a few things that are pretty odd. One of which is that fact that it does not seem to bother her, that her friend caused a break up with her boyfriend? Almost a bit to easy. And I find it a bit funny that there was not a lot more discussion of her and this guy moving in with each other, and how it will affect your relationship. This one is tricky, after more thought, there is just not enough info to know for sure, but something does smell a little bit fishy here. There is no reason he should be hiding in her bedroom, while she says he is not there. Go find someone you can trust is my advice, your fault or hers.

Yes, it really smells fishy, she never did that to me, in my eyes of course, then look like she did that all for some purpose, sounds so strange to me for sure. Also, she told me about her another friends, like hang out with them, and I never got jealous, because they didn't make anything to take her intimacy like that.

[Flashpitstop]

If you can't learn to trust, I feel sorry for both you and all those in your future. Sorry man, it's tough, but your gonna have to swallow your pride, and trust someone. Will you get hurt again, probably. It sucks. But until you can stand back up, and take the risk of getting your trust violated again, you will never find anyone that you really can trust. Until then, even those who do not cheat on you, will always be cheating on you in your own mind.

I don't know what to say for that, it sucks for sure, she always said to me, she never trust anybody, I said I trust everybody since they give me some reason to change my mind, she was self fish in my vision with that, and she wasn't prepared for a serious relationship, where you should put your mate in first place...

[Flashpitstop]

There is no reason for him to be in her room and I would have an issue with that as well.Some people are saying you are jealous and insecure but perhaps it is justified.
I would not like the shower deal either,it is too much intimacy to sound innocent.I think your feelings are justified,this sounds very suspicious to me.

Thanks artlady, finally some person who agree with my opinion, nothing like that to destroy a relationship, and she didn't fight for our love, she just said, serious? Its over? Then don't search at me again... If she wasn't wrong, she ll try to explain that again, for last chance, I know how is her. Another thing, she is 21 am I'm 28, she looks so mature at all, saying also to have a baby. Or something about live... last few days before that, she had a lots of dreams, and nightmares with baby's. What is that?

[Flashpitstop]

Another thing, If she was happy at all, like she said to me, she didn't try to make me feel a step boy, or someone who is in second place... I still so angry with that happened... I tryied a lots of thing to keep better, doing some different stuff to keep busy, but she always come back to my mind, her roommate, she said to me, after our break up, that guy come back at night to her place to see her, and left after one hour, I don't know much details about that visit, and our breaks always happened at same date, midle of the month (we had 2 breaks), when that guy come to our town, is that some reason to have a space for him? I'm so confuse.

[artlady]

I don't know much details about that visit, and our breaks always happened at same date, midle of the month (we had 2 breaks), when that guy come to our town, is that some reason to have a space for him? I'm so confuse.

That does seem like a strange coincidence.

All of this worrying about the past and guessing about what she felt is not going to help you heal and get over the relationship.

It is just rubbing salt into the wound.

You need to start the healing and try to get over what once was.
She will come back to your mind but you have to force her out.Remember that you are in control of your thoughts.

[talaniman]

My friend you did the right thing for yourself ,and freed yourself from a BS situation. She was not upfront, and honest, so you weren't supposed to trust her. When the trust is gone and there is no honest communications, there is no relationship.

Well done, making a decision to leave. Now don't look back.

[JoeCanada76]

I apologize, I think I have read things the wrong way. There was some misunderstandings in the way things were wrote and said. I understand now that you had good reason to feel the way you did and I sincerely apologize to the poster for jumping the gun on this one. It is better to find somebody you can trust and for someone that you do not always have to worry about anything happening. Trust is very important and you did not have it so the best thing is to end the relationship and Never ever go back to it.

Take care of yourself but please take time to heal and learn from this relationship before seeing anybody else. Take care of yourself.

Joe

[Flashpitstop]

My friend you did the right thing for yourself ,and freed yourself from a BS situation. She was not upfront, and honest, so you weren't supposed to trust her. When the trust is gone and there is no honest communications, there is no relationship.

Well done, making a decision to leave. Now don't look back.

Thanks for your post, yeah, was a hard decision, because she isn't a bad person, I loved her so much, but how can I trust her doing those things to me? Pretty hard to accept.
The life doesn't stop for that, I just keep going...

[Flashpitstop]

I apologize, I think I have read things the wrong way. There was some misunderstandings in the way things were wrote and said. I understand now that you had good reason to feel the way you did and I sincerly apologize to the poster for jumping the gun on this one. It is better to find somebody you can trust and for someone that you do not always have to worry about anything happening. Trust is very important and you did not have it so the best thing is to end the relationship and Never ever go back to it.

Take care of yourself but please take time to heal and learn from this relationship before seeing anybody else. Take care of yourself.

Joe

Don't worry Joe, I was so confuse when wrote that text... trying to explain in detail... but that's OK, she is a pure self fish...