[Broken_Shadow]

This is a really nice post, it resumes quite well what everyone has been telling me about my heartache as of late. Unfortunately, not all of us are able to a) let go and move on and b) think of ourselves first.

I was told to be brave and work on myself, and it isnt really helping. I fear the love of my life is gone forever and i can't quite get myself to let go.

But i have all the respect and admiration in the world for those of you who can.

Thank you for the post.

TALKING About SPEAKING WHAT I feel... u just took the words of my mouth... honestly everything that I feel, u just wrote in simple English. Whatever I been going true I feel like I am the only one experiencing such pain... I have to learn to let go but I don't know if I am fully ready... I know it's the best thing yet I don't want to accept it.

[iluvher8888]

Hey I really need help I have not been in a relationship for a while and I have known this girl for about ten years. She does not go to my school but I see her like 3-4 times a month. I did not really have any feelings for her until this year because she started to flirt with me a lot. She does however have a boyfriend. Sometimes she ignores me and sometimes she flirts with me. She drives me nuts. I just had a crush on her but then I started to have very strong feelings for her. I don't know if I should tell her how I feel because I don't want her to think that I am weird and have our friendship be awkward. It really hurts me to think that someone else could be with her because I want to be with her. I really can't tell if she has feelings for me because of her on and off flirting. Should I wait to tell her how I feel or should I tell her the next time I see her?

[Broken_Shadow]

I had to post this question as I find it astonishing that many people want to get back with there ex regardless of how it ended. Besides the answer "because I love him/her" because unfortanetly love isn't enough to hold a relationship together as we already discovered this. Love is only one ingredient and unfortanetly has no warranties, gurantees, or return policies. So if you can list one thing that you will absolutely miss from your ex and why you feel so inclined to have them back into your life after they disappeared and left you in the cold. If you are the one who did the leaving. How did you feel when you left?



After you post your answer think about what you wrote, review others reponses, and ask yourself can I not find these qualities in someone else?

I think for some who won't willingly admit that they really only want their ex back because of selfishness, There is a saying I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you, therefore they hang on to a relationship that is unhealthy for them because they fear the partner might just be happy with someone else and they just can't hack that, therefore they keep contacting you, and wanting updates on your life, only to put you at fault for moving on...

So feel free to post your answers I would really like to hear it..

After you post your answer think about what you wrote, review others responses, and ask yourself can I not find these qualities in someone else?

I think for some who won't willingly admit that they really only want their ex back because of selfishness, There is a saying I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you, therefore they hang on to a relationship that is unhealthy for them because they fear the partner might just be happy with someone else and they just can't hack that, therefore they keep contacting you, and wanting updates on your life, only to put you at fault for moving on...


I truly agree with you, your are smart and know how to wear your head up, think positive and be enthusiastic about life. I wish I could think and be more positive like you - Only if - Then I wudn't be in my situation where I think I am suffering a lost. I honestly did so much for my boyfriend, spending time, always thinking about him. I feel ike I have invested more in to this as he did - because I would be the one to always ask him to go out and to do things, he used to be the one who always wanted to c my in the beginning, phone call, text message and everything that I wanted - cards and romantic stuff - then I was the one always asking... We have date night, movie nights and I think I miss and would miss and that's what I want back - sometimes I feel like I was so comfortable with him, being around - I would be me but sometimes. - because cuddling being around him and having him near me. He always told me (even after the break up) he told me its my fault and I am the reason because I screw things up. I don't kow if he ever cheated on my but I know I found out stuff of people whom he was talking to, he said the reason he didn't tell me is because I get mad and don't want his to have any girl for friends (which is true), nevertheless I find it hard to truth him. I am not going to lie, he did so pretty romantic stuff and amazing memories we had together but at the same time we had really rough times, things I hated.

I think the hardest thing is for me to 4get/let go of the memories. I know 3++ yr don't seem that long compared to other relationship, but for me I had invested so much... I also lost so much out of the relationship -including myself esteem. I would be the only to always call him and want him to send me text and lovey dovey stuff and he just don't sometimes I would feel like he doesn't care and when he don't do it I would think maybe he's talking to someone else. :confused:

Sometimes I wonder if he would miss me, because I know I was so emotional attach to him... I know he know that but yet he tell me ( I don't know y) he would say that I don't love him and he know I don't care because if I love him he I would want him to be happy and leave him alone... Last week when I call ( just for satisfaction of hearing his voice) he ask "who are u, I don't kno what - DON'T CALL ME, LEAVE ME ALONE, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH U..." but then on Facebook he put his status as "IN A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP".

HE TEXT ME and this is what it said "Don't stop calling me, telling me and keep txt me the rude msges because thats wut keeps me away and is gonna help me out of this HELL HOLE. When u don't do all the stuff u enjoy doing. I am gonna forget all the u put me tru and start missing you and start thinking of all the good times. So Im just asking for one favour, just keep doing what ur good at. It shouldn't be too hard 4 u keep treating me like , because thats wut u do best" ----------------- That was his text to me (he thinking I am treating him bad and its my fault for the break up because he said I always been "suspicious and accusing him" when he doesn't even do anything. And I feel the opposite and I ask him to make sure he's not doing anything...

What do you think about the text?

I could go on 4ever but I don't want to bore u... so reply and let me know... THANK U!!

[gkiegrirgi]

This was perfect, thanks for this awesome thread!

[bluelady32]

jolienoire, thank you so much for your thread I really needed to read it now I can start the process.

[2muchthyme]

That was awesome Jolie! So glad I joined this website!! It is so hard to change one's self let alone trying to change someone else!! You ROCK!

[samanta20099]

Eafa

[MARBLE11]

Hi
My boyfriend and I been living together for 3yrs been having lots of poblems don't seem to agree with him. His a good person to a limit but lately been staying out drinking too much. I told him did not want to leave this life either he change or leave. He decieded to live his stuff is still there. I really love him we have a baby I want him back


Thank you
Elva

[neverme]

Marble, you should start a new thread.

[jman123h]

-So if you can list one thing that you will absolutely miss from your ex...

his excellent,fine taste in everything...his sensuality.
if he knew a thing or two about respect,then he could become a gentleman
the rhythm,the music he made my soul create,listen and dance to.i felt close to God when i was close to him,when we were close.i swear.this is the best memory of my life and i don't believe there is anything that could compare.and i don't believe there is anyone who could take my spirit
even higher.
Dad thinks i've been brainwashing myself,i am sick and i need help.i think he's never experienced Happiness which leads me to believe that what i had is,indeed,rare

i miss feeling close to God.

I feel so similar to you. I loved every single thing about my ex. She was beautiful, inside and out. The touch of her sent the craziest sensation down my body, and I'm pretty sure no one can give that again. Physically I can't look at other girls. They don't have the gorgeous face, or any of the amazing features she had. No one tolerates me the way she does, because I'm always obnoxious but in a good way. She loved me for who I was, and even when we fought we stopped right in the middle and laughed and kissed because it was just so stupid to do that. Time stopped when I kissed her. We had a routine of our goodbye kiss when we would leave each other, and the connection I made when I kissed her forehead gave me the tingles, and all of that stuff and made me feel as though I had reached complete happiness. She's an angel, and I love all of her imperfections. I felt on top of the world when I stared into her eyes and felt nothing but love.

I don't know how I'd ever love again. I'm 17, ready to go to college and was ready to work through those 4 years through my apple laptop video and sending her love cards, and visiting her once a month. I wanted to get married at like 23 right after college. She's going to be a psychologist and I'm going to graduate from Villanova with a business degree, hoping to hold down a career. I saw my life laid out with her, the perfect girl. And she saw herself with me.

I think about her everyday, the moments we spent, the times we had, the feelings we gave each other. It's a shame it had to end, because I'm so scared of life, of girls, of relationships, of death, of my future, of who I am. When we were together I had no fears, no cares, no qualms of anything. True Love is amazing, and I don't know if I can find it again.

[Romefalls19]

I can honestly say, I don't miss anything from my ex. I think the people who posted here about missing them are still fresh from the break up cycle. Once you've been through the emotional dust and re evaluate the relationship in clear 20/20 you will see all the flaws that were actually there. My ex had to have a say in everything I did, made me make choices and give up things that I wasn't ready to give up. After we broke up I made a list of things my next girlfriend would have to have because I was not going to settle for less than what I deserve. I think a lot of the long term forum members will feel the same. The ones that come to mind are ISneezeFunny and KCTiger, take a look at both their stories and see how far they have come.

[kctiger]

Why do I want my ex back?:

Well, there are times when I feel really good about myself, and it is those times that having my ex around would balance that, and she would bring me back down to feeling like a total idiot! You know the ole' saying, if you don't have anything bad to say about yourself, just call my ex...

Got to have balance in your life! :D

You know, it is sad to say, but I truly think for 90% of the people that miss their ex, or really want them back, they are living in the clouds and don't value themselves enough to believe that you can make it through this... things will be all right... you will overcome... and you DO NOT need your ex.

As for what Rome said, both Sneezy and I have come a LOOOONNNNGGG way. I was the guy in the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshal" crying in the fetal position, stupid stuff like that. Now, I can honestly say, I am over her. What a rush of freedom it is to be able to say that!

[HistorianChick]

Honestly, the things I miss from my past relationships are the "good days."

You know, those days when you feel on top of the world, the days that he sends flowers to your work "just because," those mornings that you wake up and you don't know if you're still dreaming because of the way that you feel... those days...

What I don't miss are the lies, the emotional punches in the gut, the "where were you?'s", the mistrust, the unforgettable fear of being stalked, the despair at realizing your fiance' disappeared without an explanation, the cops, the police reports...

I miss the good days, but only seldom... to me, those "missing moments" are more of a scent on the breeze, a wafting pleasantness that only reminds me that "I'm good." and "I'm going to be ok." and bring a smile to my face.

That is how I remember my relationships. I choose to remember the good days, not the bad.


So, if I had a choice? Never. I'd not take them back.

[kctiger]

I don't know how I'd ever love again. I'm 17, ready to go to college and was ready to work through those 4 years through my apple laptop video and sending her love cards, and visiting her once a month. I wanted to get married at like 23 right after college. She's going to be a psychologist and I'm going to graduate from Villanova with a business degree, hoping to hold down a career. I saw my life laid out with her, the perfect girl. and she saw herself with me.

Jman: First of all, you are heading off to college single. I cannot tell you how much more FUN you will have being single, trust me. College is just way too much on your plate to put a full time girlfriend out there as well. You have a ton to look forward to, and I know that a few months down the road you will look back at your posts here and realize how far you have come. A genuine smile will pop onto your face, and you will start to catch yourself having fun, without a care in the world (besides the usual 1am drunken pizza order, trying to figure out which place to call).

Plans like that rarely work out. Villa will be a great experience and you will enjoy these years. Instead of focusing on what you lost, focus on what you have, a great chance to go to a great school and have a ton of memories that very few people ever get the chance to experience. Live it up dude! I feel like an old man now, and I promise you these years fly... enjoy them while you can...

[CrazyThumper]

A lot of people try to remind us that there is a good chance that we are missing the concept of a significant other, and not so much the ex. We miss the companionship, the intimacy, etc.. But not necessarily that person.

Well if I had to list a few things I miss it would be.
-The trust. We had an unbreakable trust and could be 1000 miles apart and would never lie/cheat/deceive each other.
-The intimacy. We were very comfortable with each other. Trying new things together with little to no inhibition. Very active, and very attracted to each other. Physically & mentally.
-The true love. Having her look in my eyes and telling me how much I mean to her. How much I've helped her grow, and become a better person. How much she loves me and would never leave me. (ironic isn't it). Always knowing that when she said "I love you", it was real and genuine.. no hidden agendas.
-The stupid fun things we did together (which yes I am sure will happen with someone else as well). Being dumb in public- people always told us "only you two could do something like that".
-Just holding HER. There is something about holding someone that has given their all to you. Their heart, their trust, their love.. and knowing it was REAL. This isn't something that a lot of people can say, or ever have the chance to do... and I want it back more then anything in the world..
-Her body, face, skin, sex appeal, eyes, dimples, hair, everything about HER. Her distinct marks (freckles, etc) that made her HER.

I could go on forever, but those are a few..

[jman123h]

Jman: First of all, you are heading off to college single. I cannot tell you how much more FUN you will have being single, trust me. College is just way too much on your plate to put a full time girlfriend out there as well. You have a ton to look forward to, and I know that a few months down the road you will look back at your posts here and realize how far you have come. A genuine smile will pop onto your face, and you will start to catch yourself having fun, without a care in the world (besides the usual 1am drunken pizza order, trying to figure out which place to call).

Plans like that rarely work out. Villa will be a great experience and you will enjoy these years. Instead of focusing on what you lost, focus on what you have, a great chance to go to a great school and have a ton of memories that very few people ever get the chance to experience. Live it up dude! I feel like an old man now, and I promise you these years fly...enjoy them while you can...

kc, I know I'll make it through, I know I can. But I just don't know how any one can replace her in my heart. Everything that thumper just said I could say for me and my ex. The only downfall was I deceived her after 3 years. She is really the most beautiful girl I have personally known, with amazing physical features, and the most amazing personality. I know I shouldn't compare people to her in the future, but it's inevitable.

I had plans that may have been farfetched and maybe even silly because of the experience I could have in college single. But I currently attend a different school and I have my own group of friends and so does she and I have just as much fun when she was my girlfriend and when she was not. I don't enjoy random hook ups, they are meaningless. I wouldn't care if I didn't kiss another girl ever again, because it will never make me feel the way she did.

[Depressed lady]

That's just what I needed to hear!! Thank you!!

[PirandelloLuigi]

I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.

I love that line!
Accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead!

Very powerful.
It's very true. I thought my girlfriend was motivating me to success, but I was wrong. She was not motivating or supportive, she was the opposite, taking my time and energy and consuming me. Not healthy.

Alone may equal being lonely, but I feel I can be more successful because it will push me to be the best I can be and doing it for me, not for her.

[kel003]

Thank you...

[kdomi002]

I truly want to follow what this post is saying. I have made many mistakes where I made my exboyfriend the center of my world and missed out on the experiences with friends, family and my own. The problem is that he always encouraged me to do these things and I never listened to him. I let myself get so wrapped into him that he got tired of it.

He was my first real relationship, and we managed to make it to 4 years. We are 23 and he is now turning towards his career giving it 100%. He tells me that he is not looking towards other relationships until he has reached some goals. But he also said that if he finds someone he clicks with he has to take the opportunity and so should I.

Unfortunately for him, he has commitment issues because of his parents' horrible divorce and on top of that I pressured him too much. I have made many mistakes and he broke up with me three days ago. I keep hearing that I need to move on. But its so hard since its so recent.

We have had contact since the breakup, and will go to his college graduation (with my family, too, we were together so long, my parents loved him like a son, even helped him to get a loan for school. So we feel to see him fulfill his dream of graduating is just as joyous for us) but after that, I plan on not calling him or texting him to give myself time to work on myself to make friends, go to the gym, focus on school and work. Also, to give him time to think and decide if he is better off without me or with me. I still love him and I may always have a special place for him in my heart. Ideally, we would be able to work things out, but I will learn over time to not hold on to this possibility, since it may not happen. We decided to remain, not really friends, but aquaintences, meaning we will say, text or call every once in a while. But I have decided on my part that I will not initiate contact. I will let him be the one to come to me. And only time will tell, if we were meant to be, then it will happen. But I do love him and this will be one of my hardest battles in my short life.

I'm just glad that I came across this site because I need to vent somewhere until I make the friends I missed out on. I am making progress, though, I'm not standing still. I already got a gym buddy (female like myself) and we will be working out together. I am also reuniting with some friends I neglected because of my dependene on him, and spending a weekend with her. Maybe the next time we run into each other (after his graduation) I will knock him off his socks! Hopefully for him, it won't be too late.

Anyway, God bless you all, and may you all reach your goals in self-fulfillment and growth like I am trying to do.


~Kdomi002