[jmw0713]

Distraction is needed. Play a new game, hang out with friends, do something fun. The feelings will pass. I've been suffering from a lot of false hope recently. It's just a sign that you are not completely over her yet. It takes time, but you will get there.

[MiSSsy111222]

I think at some point false hope comes. I find that one minute its here and then it goes. I agree with the above keep busy, you are not over it yet

[kiikii]

Ok, thanks everyone!

[kiikii]

Threads merged



I want to have a sit-down chat with my ex.

I know that no-contact is the advisable method to get over an ex.

I want to get back with my ex.

I know that you can't get back with an ex unless they want to get back together.

I'm feeling frustrated because my ex isn't talking with me.

I feel that if I talked with my ex it would help me get over the relationship.

Sometimes I want to just be really good friends with my ex and I think that's the reason why talking would help because we could just be friends.

I want to hang out and spend time together, even just as friends.

I'm not sure what people mean when they want to spend time together as more than friends. I just want to hang out with my ex and walk around an art museum or get something to drink. I just want to have fun times with my ex like going out to see movies.

What do you guys think?

[Justwantfair]

I think your story is long and complicated as you have many posts started.

For the most beneficial and complete answers, if you have new questions relating to the same topic keep them on the same thread, please.

[kctiger]

What do you guys think?

I think that you may be delusional.

Do you think your ex wants you back? I know you have posted multiple threads about this very same topic, so I cannot remember exactly what gives you hope that this would work...

[jmw0713]

Everyone wants their ex back. Most of the time if they do comeback, the heartbreak is 10 times worse the second time around.

Do you want to be the friend that she tells all of her sob stories to about her new boyfriend? No.

Are you pursuing this friendship for the wrong reason?

Yes, to get her back. This is not a reason to be friends with someone. The old feelings will keep creeping back in for both of you, and will turn the friendship sour. The reason you are friends with someone is because you enjoy there company on a non-sexual/romantic level. If any of the those feelings enter, the friendship is not true, because someone will be getting hurt.

You will not be able to have fun times with her, because you have already been more to her than "just friends" and have been demoted to "just a friend". You know what she will say to her new boy toy about you?

"Oh him...he's just a friend."

Can you handle being just a friend... it doesn't sound like it from what you posted before.

You need to stay NC. Possibly sometime in the future, you can pursue a friendship with her... but not right now when you still have feelings.

[UnluckyDucky]

I want to have a sit-down chat with my ex. I know that no-contact is the advisable method to get over an ex.

You're right, going NC is the fastest method to heal yourself after a breakup.

I want to get back with my ex.

I know that you can't get back with an ex unless they want to get back together.

Yup, again you're right. Heck, a part of me still wants my ex back but that ain't going to happen unless she wants it too!

I'm feeling frustrated because my ex isn't talking with me.

I feel that if I talked with my ex it would help me get over the relationship.

It looks like you were way too dependent on your ex in the relationship AND even now you are still dependent on them even when its over! You will have to create your own closure.

Sometimes I want to just be really good friends with my ex and I think that's the reason why talking would help because we could just be friends.

I want to hang out and spend time together, even just as friends.

I'm not sure what people mean when they want to spend time together as more than friends. I just want to hang out with my ex and walk around an art museum or get something to drink. I just want to have fun times with my ex like going out to see movies.

What do you guys think?

REALLY, really, really bad idea! Even if she wanted to be friends, you would be doing yourself a HUGE disservice. Her keeping you as a friend would allow her to heal faster, and as someone mentioned before (pretty sure it was Tal) you don't want to be her emotional tampon. Consider this, suppose you two remained friends. How would you feel about hearing her date other guys, etc? That will only prolong your pain and make you even more depressed.

Its obvious now by your multiple posts that you're stuck in this cycle of thought. It happens to the best of us, but you have to snap out of it! It is OK to feel, we're human after all, but we can't let these feelings overwhelm us.

I'm a firm believer of actions speaking louder than words. The fact that she isn't talking to you speaks volumes about her feelings about you. The time has come for you to accept the situation for what it is, and take the steps necessary to move on.

[motherof4now]

This is a very typical feeling to have when someone breaks up with you.

Unfortunately, your ex does not want to go to a museum with you or talk about art.

Mostly everyone goes through this at some point in life. How are you going to handle it?

Try for self respect. Trust me, the feeling will slowly (and I mean Slowly) get smaller.
Wait until you are not so desperate for your ex. Get your cool back. Then if you still feel like you haven't gotten closuer (after about 6 months), call. Then when you get back together, you will realize you are too good for him.

That's what I did.

[Alty]

It takes two to make a relationship work whether it's a romantic relationship or a friendship.

You can want her back in your life all you want, but she very obviously is done, moving on, sticking to no contact and doesn't want you in her life right now.

So, you can sit around and mope because you can't have what you want, or you can get on with your life, like she's doing.

Good luck.

[teastalk]

Sorry about that.

From what I understand you must move on and if she wants you back then she'll hunt you down. So you should go no contact even though you think that if you have a chat with her it might make her change her mind or you might resolve the relationship's problems, etc. etc. Even if the two of you start to be friends again, you can't expect that anything will come out of it.

[Alty]

Why does the second time around hurt worse than the first time around?

I see you changed your post.

How does your question apply to the original post? How does your post help the OP?

If you have questions about your own breakup we'd be more than happy to help you, but please start your own thread, piggybacking is against the rules of this site.

Thank you.

[slapshot_oi]

Everyone wants their ex back. Most of the time if they do comeback, the heartbreak is 10 times worse the second time around.

Not necessarily, I thought it was much easier the second time around. The first time caught me off-guard.

As far as friends go, after you have time alone you need to ask yourself whether you'd actually be friends with your ex if you never dated her. Would you take her to an art museum, or is this just a latch ditch effort? If you find you can't justify being her friend then, then don't try to be her friend now.

All your suggestions sound so lame. She'll know what your up to but tell you to your face "I'm so glad we can be friends". And there won't be one ounce of truth to that friendship, the whole thing will be phony.

[liz28]

How can you say you want your ex back than say you want to be friends with him?

Your ex has moved on and you should follow his lead by doing the same. Even if the two of were to form some sort of friendship it wouldn't work because of your feelings towards him and ask yourself you handle him being with someone else while your just friends with him?

It's great that went nc but your problem is that you can't let go. So it's time to start using this method asap.

[Romefalls19]

Let go for good, NC isn't a way to get them back it's a way to get yourself back