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heartbroke · Feb 16, 2009, 04:34 PM

Pets won't work, only create more emotional pain for her. Shell associate you with the pet and spread more depression. If she rejects it, guess what? Your stuck with a pet. Gearhe4d, when you find something that works, tell me because my ex isn't with someone but sooner or later she won't stand being alone.

Gearhe4d · Feb 16, 2009, 04:44 PM

From what I can tell nothing works. Guess we just have to get used to the idea that it will only get worse, and you shouldn't really let yourself feel secure with anything. If I could go back and tell myself to just have fun with her, but not to get attached, I would. I've spent so much time trying to make her happy, because when I made her happy, it, in turn, made me happy. Now I'm basically stuck in this place where I can no longer make her happy, which means I don't know how to make myself happy.

I'm sure you've probably felt like I did sometimes even when I was with her. I used to feel like there was no way I could be this lucky, and it wasn't going to last. Look forward to that stereotypical nagging wife I guess. Or be single, which currently seems like the easier route. Either way, don't expect fulfillment to last I guess. They get bored of you.

what to do what · Feb 16, 2009, 04:50 PM

Tell her you love her

kctiger · Feb 16, 2009, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by what to do what

tell her you love her

Your advice is garbage! Think before you post something, otherwise, just don't post anything at all. It is clear you have no idea what you are talking about.

heartbroke · Feb 16, 2009, 05:02 PM

Gearhe4d u and me are that 3% of the nice guys before we turn into a$s_oles because of that one girl who screws us over. U and me are so much alike and are in the same situation. We can't give them what they need and its killing us. If u want to try, check out tw jackson on you tube, he has good advice. How you go about doing it plays a part. It gave me some hope, but its not complete

kctiger · Feb 16, 2009, 05:04 PM

Originally Posted by heartbroke

gearhe4d u and me are that 3% of the nice guys before we turn into a$s_oles because of that one girl who screws us over. U and me are so much alike and are in the same exact situation. we can't give them what they need and its killing us. if u want to try, check out tw jackson on you tube, he has good advice. how you go about doing it plays a part. It gave me some hope, but its not complete

DO NOT buy into TW Jackson. As a first hand sucker, I spent the money on that book, and it doesn't do any good. No matter how good TW may be, no matter how much he may know about relationships, he (thus you), cannot control how your ex feels. NOTHING you do will bring her back, but her own actions. He simply takes advantage of people in a weak emotional state... "How to get our Ex back?" Are you kidding me? Don't fall prey to that stuff.

itried · Feb 16, 2009, 05:05 PM

Gearh4ed,

I can tell that your confidence is probably at an all time low right now.

Remember these two things:

1) She didn't get bored of YOU. She got bored of HER life.

2) She didn't reject YOU, she rejected the relationship.

Play your cards right, and you'll look back on this day as the day you became a man.

heartbroke · Feb 16, 2009, 05:07 PM

Whoa whoa, I didn't say buy the book, all I said was listen to what he has to say. All about letting them realize what they are missing, and they may come back. Let them come back to you stuff. Nobody can control how our ex's feel but them, but trying to understand them is better than giving up

Gearhe4d · Feb 16, 2009, 05:35 PM

Back when she first dumped me, I'll admit I did look into all of the "How to get your ex back" bull, and I did stumble across the Jackson guy. I knew it was just another scam though, and didn't really look into it any further. I assume it is just going to tell me things I already know, so there really isn't a point.

Even if it did help, I don't want to be that useless douchebag guy who used one of those to get his girlfriend back (temporarily.)

At this point I'm just really starting to understand that even if I get her back, it'll only only be for another short run, she'll eventually get bored with me again and think she's missing something and I'll have to go through all of this all over again.

Heartbroke, if I can give you any advice, which in reality I probably don't know much of anything, but I'd say-

Don't do relationships.

Dad told me that exact thing when I was little, wish I would have listened. They start great, and no matter how hard you try, they are going to get sick of you, or you are going to get sick of them. And then the pain rolls in.

Even in marriage. Except in marriage, you're sort of stuck with them, especially if you have kids.

zeeniee · Feb 16, 2009, 05:45 PM

Hey Gear4hd,
I am sorry to hear this news for you as it must be very hard for you. But look on the positive side- you now have clarity on the situation- she is with someone else. PERIOD. THE END.

So now you must realise in time and with all the advice everyone has given- that the time has come and the time is now right for you to start healing bit by bit- we all know how hard it is- that's why we are on this site- and so as hard as it is for you- remember we are all in the same boat, trying to over come such situations and so your not alone!

Okay one confession- yep I read the TW Jackson e book- and it is s h I t e! I can't believe I read that in Sept! OMG!! How embarrassing! Oh well- I am sure many of us has done that somepoint in our post break ups!

Take it easy Gear4hd, go and treat yourself with something nice- something you wanted to get for a while- but haven't done so.. and most of all be very kind to yourself!

Gearhe4d · Feb 16, 2009, 06:19 PM

I'm not a very material person, honestly there isn't anything I want.

itried · Feb 16, 2009, 07:06 PM

Originally Posted by Gearhe4d

I'm not a very material person, honestly there isn't anything I want.

How about this:

Go get a haircut. Buy a new shirt and a new pair of pants. Maybe some cologne.

Take a shower, do your hair, spray on the cologne, get dressed, get out, smile at girls.

Repeat if necessary.

zeeniee · Feb 16, 2009, 07:08 PM

Get some nice shades

Look in the mirror more and say you are a good person

Smile smile and smile- you just don't know who will catch your smile and make your day!

Keep repeating the above with itired advice!

Molecular · Feb 16, 2009, 08:34 PM

Wow... Gearhead, I'm sorry for you. I really am.
I've been paying so much attention to your story that I felt like a part of me died when you finally said she was with someone else and a part of me remembered all the pain I felt back when the same thing happened with me.

Giving advice in these situations is usually a hard thing to do. Everyone experiences this differently. Over the coming weeks and months you'll have good days and you'll have bad days. The important thing is to focus on the things that make you happy. I realize that right now, nothing will, but as time goes by you'll notice some activities and some particular tasks that make you forget all about her, focus on these things.

Furthermore, try to stay busy. Many people suggest not to be alone, but that didn't work for me, at least, it nearly took me an entire month before I could go an entire day without being alone at least a few hours.

I guess in the end the only real thing I can offer you is a cliché, only time will help you heal your wounds (well time and going no contact, but it seems you've realized the importance of no contact by now).

And don't have such a grim outlook on love. Or well, what can I say, have any outlook on love that you want, but I can promise you all that negativity and all that doubt will also fade with time. And many years down the line when your ex has spent a few years with someone else and realize that they argue a lot more and generally aren't as happy as the two of you were, you'll already be in another relationship with a woman who's much more selfsacrificial than your girlfriend was and you'll be happy.

In general, I think the reason why you could spend so much time with this girlfriend of yours and still feel madly in love had very little with her to do. All of this came from you, and there's women out there just like you are, who don't always keep looking for something better even when they are happy.

Trust me, you're better off getting rid of this one right away and start looking for someone who truly deserves your attention. I know I'm glad it ended up with my girlfriend before we'd spent 10 years together and have two kids when she finally realized she was dissatisfied with her own life and I'd sit there being much more miserable.
The fact is - There's plenty of women out there who have no problem being in a long and loving relationship, you just have to find them, and you never would have had you still been with your girl.

All in all though, every time you have something on your heart, feel free to post it here, we're all here for you and we've all experienced what you're going through, and many of us have already made it through on the other side and we can promise you that this time around, the grass IS greener.

heartbroke · Feb 16, 2009, 08:44 PM

U know I had such a grim outlook on love, and then the girl that I was with came along. In a sense she saved me but I feel like she put me right back where she found me after she dumped me 3 weeks ago after 9 months of true dedication. Which wasn't really fair.

Gearhe4d · Feb 16, 2009, 09:16 PM

Originally Posted by Molecular

Wow... Gearhead, I'm sorry for you. I really am.
I've been paying so much attention to your story that I felt like a part of me died when you finally said she was with someone else and a part of me remembered all the pain I felt back when the exact same thing happened with me.

Giving advice in these situations is usually a hard thing to do. Everyone experiences this differently. Over the coming weeks and months you'll have good days and you'll have bad days. The important thing is to focus on the things that make you happy. I realize that right now, nothing will, but as time goes by you'll notice some activities and some particular tasks that make you forget all about her, focus on these things.

Furthermore, try to stay busy. Many people suggest not to be alone, but that didn't work for me, at least, it nearly took me an entire month before I could go an entire day without being alone at least a few hours.

I guess in the end the only real thing I can offer you is a cliché, only time will help you heal your wounds (well time and going no contact, but it seems you've realized the importance of no contact by now).

And don't have such a grim outlook on love. Or well, what can I say, have any outlook on love that you want, but I can promise you all that negativity and all that doubt will also fade with time. And many years down the line when your ex has spent a few years with someone else and realize that they argue a lot more and generally aren't as happy as the two of you were, you'll already be in another relationship with a woman who's much more selfsacrificial than your girlfriend was and you'll be happy.

In general, I think the reason why you could spend so much time with this girlfriend of yours and still feel madly in love had very little with her to do. All of this came from you, and there's women out there just like you are, who don't always keep looking for something better even when they are happy.

Trust me, you're better off getting rid of this one right away and start looking for someone who truly deserves your attention. I know i'm glad it ended up with my girlfriend before we'd spent 10 years together and have two kids when she finally realized she was disatisfied with her own life and i'd sit there being much more miserable.
The fact is - There's plenty of women out there who have no problem being in a long and loving relationship, you just have to find them, and you never would have had you still been with your girl.

All in all though, everytime you have something on your heart, feel free to post it here, we're all here for you and we've all experienced what you're going through, and many of us have already made it through on the other side and we can promise you that this time around, the grass IS greener.

Thanks for your help, and I really appreciate your concern. I know I shouldn't and I'm not going to, but I keep thinking I should tell her new boyfriend not to get too attached and turn into psychopath that I've become.

Gearhe4d · Feb 16, 2009, 09:22 PM

Originally Posted by heartbroke

U know i had such a grim outlook on love, and then the girl that i was with came along. in a sense she saved me but i feel like she put me right back where she found me after she dumped me 3 weeks ago after 9 months of true dedication. Which wasnt really fair.

Yep, just like I said, they will get bored with you.

But not until you finally believe that they love you and you get yourself attached.

I guess I'm saying that you can't really be satisfied either way, either you fall madly in love with her, and you want to be with her forever, and then BAM you're dumped, or you guard yourself and don't let yourself really be in love with someone and never become fully satisfied. Or you fall into that 95% of marriages catergory where you PUT UP with the other person, or they put up with you.

zeeniee · Feb 16, 2009, 09:22 PM

Gear4hd,

What the new boyfriend does is not your concern

What your ex does is not your concern

What is your concern: YOU!

Start worrying about YOU!!

If you feel like saying something to the ex or new boyfriend- write it out and email it here- and so at least it is out of your system!

Jane Smit · Feb 17, 2009, 12:30 AM

Sorry about the let down, but now you have to move on. As they say "She's just not into you".
Sucks, but don't be second best, be the best with the next gal. Good Luck and God Bless You.

Empty Cans · Feb 17, 2009, 01:02 AM

Here's a couple of good clips from Swingers that might help you out:
YouTube - Swingers
YouTube - Favorite scene from Swingers

And eventually... this will be us in this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHJmct5tstk&NR=1

I could/can totally see myself in Mikey...

Gearhead, don't forget "the future is beautiful!"