[chowder3]

My wife and I are having a baby
We recently bought a house this past summer with the help of her generous parents
Now, she's been telling me that her parents are going to retire and move in with us to help take care of the baby so we don't have to worry about any day care until the child is around 5 and enters school full time

I get along with her parents just fine, but I feel that eventually this may be too overwhelming for not just me but for her also, we have a decent sized house but a mansion it is not
She kind of brings it to me that her parents basically paid for "rent" in advance for when they stay with us
I understand that they did a great thing by helping us out and giving us the money for the house and all but at the same time it kind of makes me feel that we won't have any time as a "family" with her parents always being there

I have spoken to her about this and she has said it won't affect us as a family and we will have our time to grow together but I just don't see it that way, anyone else have in laws living with them from when children were 1st born?

[JudyKayTee]

I've certainly seen the child's grandmother move in to help.

My greater concern is that you and your wife can't seem to work this out, come to an understanding.

And this is a good reason to NEVER accept and/or borrow money from family. I don't think you can need them from the money standpoint but not need them from the child care standpoint.

But, again, my greater concern is that you and your wife are so far apart on this one, particularly in view of your other thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...ml#post1544145

[chowder3]

I understand completely what you are saying
I wouldn't say we are so far apart on this one cause once it comes down to it I know the additional help will be greatly appreciated on my part
The other thing that I need to consider is my wife and her family are from a strong family orientated background and it was common in their country for the wife's parents to help take care of newborns and move in
Just a lot of emotions going on right now

[simoneaugie]

If it's a normal thing where they are from, worry less. Learn about their unique culture. As an American, I feel uncomfortable thinking about my in-laws moving in.

Remember, you and your wife are a team, separate from the "helpers." Foster cooperation and agreement with your wife. Have a separate and benign relationship with the in-laws. Talk to your wife about what you are feeling often and encourage her to be honest with you about her feelings and fears. A first baby is an emotional time, for both of you. Talk to her, and listen without judging. Agree to disagree, still loving one another in spite of your differences.

[Fr_Chuck]

In some cultures this is normal but again normally the older family membes run everything also in those cultures.

But yes it will no longer be your home, who gets to decide what to watch on TV, How about meals,
Or even walking though the house naked if you wanted to or sex on the couch.

If you are against it, speak up and tell her in no certan words, thank you but NO,

[JudyKayTee]

i understand completely what you are saying
i wouldn't say we are so far apart on this one cause once it comes down to it i know the additional help will be greatly appreciated on my part
the other thing that i need to consider is my wife and her family are from a strong family orientated background and it was common in their country for the wife's parents to help take care of newborns and move in
just alot of emotions going on right now

This concerns me. First you say: "i have spoken to her about this and she has said it won't affect us as a family and we will have our time to grow together but I just don't see it that way,. :

Now you aren't so far apart on this issue.

Plus your other thread indicates other problems.

I think if you want honest answers you have to post honest questions.