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 Originally Posted by hjpan
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
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Hello everyone. Recent update. It has been... what, over a year... and the ex... is still... here. She's been texting me over the past year or so... the usual, "Happy Birthday" and "Merry Christmas" and "Happy New Year"... etc. Recently, I got a text from her telling me that my favorite professor, mentor, and friend had passed away. I was crushed, so I broke NC and called her to ask her about details. Let me tell you, talking to your ex after a year of not talking to her, is a little surreal. She had no details about the death, so I just thanked her for letting me know, and then she proceeded to say, "So, what're you up to?" I was a bit... shocked... and a little disgusted at this. I know she tried to sympathize with me, but I got the feeling she was using the passing of a really close friend to get back in touch with me, so I told her I was busy and I had to go. The past few days, I kept getting texts about the death and if I knew any more info, etc... so I politely responded that I did not, and brushed the texts off. Last night, I got a call from a mutual friend and she told me (out of the blue) that she had lunch with my ex, and according to her, my ex looked "really sad...as if she's going through some sort of depression. She lost about 15 lbs, had bags under her eyes, etc." Then she proceeded to tell me that the entire time, my ex kept talking about me, how she missed me, etc. Side note: my ex moved onto another guy within 3 days of us breaking up... and is currently LIVING with that guy. So I told my friend that I don't see how any of this is my problem... at all. She left me. She's unhappy with new guy, then she can figure things out on her own. However, for some odd reason, I'm assuming because women all flock together, my friend wants me to at least call my ex and TALK to her. Don't get back with her... don't tell her I miss her... but just a simple nice civil chat, to offer her closure. I then responded that we both had closure when we broke up. Not... enough, apparently. So I'm here, getting hounded by not only HER friends, but now MY friends for being a jerk for not calling her and at least trying to make her a LITTLE happy... according to them, "it's a simple hello. You say hi, and you brighten up her day...it's such a simple thing to do without much work...c'mon" Great. She is now... my charity case. I have not called my ex yet, and I'm pretty adamant in that I will not be calling her... but we'll see what happens. |
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Did she talk to you after she broke up with you and give YOU closure? No! Did she offer to cheer YOU up? No! Did she call YOU to have civil chit chat? No! Did she make YOU a little "happy" when you broke up? Again... No! Why are you letting your friends, and her friends tell you to do this? Why are you even listening to them? Why are you "pretty" adament about not calling her? I know you don't want to be back where you were a yr. ago Sneezy! Don't make me put you over my knee! Okay... don't answer that! :p She wasn't feeling bad for you. Don't start feeling bad for her now. You know that game. She thought the grass was greener, and now wants back over the fence! |
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Good riddance---.. Don't call her. She left you, now that she is not happy with her current boyfriend, she wants to come back,Bull...
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Ive been following this thread for a while and have finally come to reach the end. I can relate to it so much... Sneezy I got to tell you mate, WELL DONE!. I can't wait till I am in the state of mind you are at. Seriously, you are an example to a lot of people on here.. I am happy for you! My ex is also at university... things were fine, she always told me she loved me etc... then one day she told me she had doubts & didn't know what she wanted (to be single or to be with me) & needed to figure things out etc.. you know that old chestnut - the 'NICE' way of ending things... she then started talking a lot to another guy a few weeks before leaving me, then once she left me... guess what happened only a few weeks later, yep she was already with this other guy... It initially made me think that maybe she left me for him... but in reality I came to realise I will never know the true reason why she dumped me. I never got true closure either - she just told me she felt "uncomfortable in a relationship and didnt know why"... she just felt that way... Its been 7 weeks of NC for me, and if I was faced with a situation like yours... I would just continue with my life as NORMAL. Perhaps explain to your friends why your not going to contact her, I am sure they will understand. And... as for her friends, let them think you are a jerk. You didn't want to break up - she did. You didn't start seeing another person - she did. You didn't end it and give no closure - she did. See, she just has to live with the consequences now man! Its not out of spite that you are refusing to call or anything. Don't think you are a bad person if you don't contact her now. Its FAIR... you are just trying to get on with your life after how hard it was for you... so its only FAIR that you continue that, and she should also get on with hers... Keep posting dude... wish you all the best! |
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Sneezy, you know how we both came in to this around the same time and we have definitely been through the ups and downs together. We are both so much better off without our exes in the picture. She left you, how her life turned out is no longer your problem Your exes friends can blame you all they want for jumping ship, but your ex jumped first! |
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Sneezy, Well done, great post. Would have been so easy to take her back on as a charity case. F**k the 'friends' that say you need to help her. Did she help you when you went through the break up and went off with someone else, eh.. no. |
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Hey Sneeze!
Don't do it my friend... I recently got in contact with my ex (and yeah, what a year it has been) turns out she was home from school and I ran into her at xmas service at church. It was a little awkward, but I made sure that if I saw her I would just smile, say hello, and continue conversing with some old friends. Anyway, she approached me, told me that I looked good and gave me a hug, I was a little surprised at this, and then she told me that she would call me before she went back to school. Seeing her didn't really make me upset at all, I mean, I really think I'm finally over her. So that's my justification for getting coffee with her, just to catch up and see how things are going for one another. And the tales she told me... oh man... apparently she now hangs out with the wrong crowd, is involved with drugs and drinks on a regular basis, her grades are slipping, she is in a LDR with new guy, and she even told me that she has cut herself a few times because of the stress from school or something... my only response to this was shock, horror, and the question "What the hell happened!?" And now I just feel pity for her... even if she is having fun at school she is on a self-destructive path. And not to sound soul-less or anything, but I really wish I hadn't found all that stuff out. Deep down I was a little glad to hear that things have really gone downhill for her after we split up and that obviously I was doing much better than her... but she was never someone I would describe as strong and independent... anyone who read my thread a long time ago and still remembers would agree. But yeah, I regret seeing her again because it breaks my heart to see how far she has fallen. And when our meeting was over she told me that it was really great to be home and that its been good for her to get away from all that, and I agreed. Wasn't a bad meeting, I don't think any old feelings came up, even though she talked about how good our intimacy was quite a bit. Goodness, I went all over the place with this post... Bottom Line, from my experience it'll be like opening a can of worms if you push it too far. |
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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
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So... I'm sure I'm going to catch some hell for this... but so be it. Update. I have stated that my ex recently told me of a professor who passed away... this professor was my mentor, one of my best friends on staff, etc. Friday night, I got a text from her stating, "We need to talk." I thought this was odd, as we haven't really spoken in over a year, thus, we had nothing to talk about, and she wasn't an assertive person, so I replied, "About...?" She then stated that we needed to talk about how we want this to end. I'll be going away for good this summer, and she will as well. So she wanted to talk about how we wanted to remember "us" for the rest of our lives. (this is where I try to give myself excuses... so... feel free to skip on ahead) A couple of days back, a good friend of mine had actually told me he saw the ex, and she looked like she could really use a friend. At the time, I said, "yeah, but it's not my responsibility anymore" But now, that she had actually confronted me, I took this to heart. And I spoke with her. Our phone conversation was very... irrational and emotional, mostly on her part. I was what most women would refer to it as... "cold and absolutely heartless...quite an @sshole." And it's true. I was cold, I was calculated, and I was 100% rational. During the phone conversation, she asked me over and over again, if we could be friends. I told her over and over again, that I could no longer trust her, and thus, I couldn't be friends with her. Things I found out during this convo: - She is no longer the rational, cool, funny girl I once dated. She is now FULL BLOWN emotional, irrational, and sadly, pathetic. - her and the new boy toy is now done-zos. They broke it off, and are now "just friends." When I asked when this happened, she stated, "two months ago." mm hmm. - She did not cheat on me (and I knew she did not, she just dated the guy VERY soon after we broke up), and her excuse for doing this was, "I needed someone, and you weren't there." - Apparently, she blames her and the new guy dating, as if I had stayed friends with her, she wouldn't have started dating him. So... yeah. I was flabbergasted throughout the conversation, a little insulted, but mostly, I just felt bad for her. I realized that she is now an absolute wreck, and she even said that she is "miserable without me, and she will never be happy without me." I then told her that I cannot speak with her without her being rational about things, and told her to call me when she can be reasonable. She called me again last night, and we talked, more in a reasonable manner. She tried to convince me that I cannot trust her, and the only way I can trust her again, is if we started talking, so she could show that I can trust her again. I politely declined, but the attempt at convincing continued. I told her I would have to think about this. I then consulted a few close friends, and they asked me how I felt about it. Right now, I don't really care whether I speak to her. It wouldn't make me sad, nor would it make me happy. It'd be just "another person to talk to." Then, my friends split like the Republicans/Democrats. Some told me that if I really don't care much about it, then why not talk to her once in a while, at least to alleviate the tension and "make a girl happy, if it's not too much trouble." The other half said, "It's not your problem." I then spoke to a girl who told me that in fact, she had spent time with my ex a few weeks back, and they watched a movie. In the movie, my name apparently came up, and my ex started "crying uncontrollably." oh boy. Since I couldn't get an unanimous decision, I decided this: I told my ex that there was absolutely no benefit in speaking with her. It would be more work for me than anything. I then told her that the things that would go wrong if we started to talk... my friends getting on her case... the emotional fallout I would have to deal with from her about the girls I've been seeing, etc. So I asked her what she had to offer. She had nothing. I then told her that I would not be convinced, unless she had something to offer me, a sacrifice, something she's willing to give up to have me back in her life. It's a jerk-move, I know this, but I did it to see exactly how willing she is. To be honest, this is where I stand. If she is willing to offer: "I will completely erase the new boy toy, I will never speak to him, see him, etc." If this is the case, then I am willing to speak to her. Anything else, no go. Now, I'm ready. Bring on the hate. |
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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
You must be ever more specialer than I thought! Question: If she produces, then what will you do with her? |
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Aww, thanks for the warm words wondergirl. I knew I could always count on you for encouragement when needed. If she does actually produce (which I doubt she will, because I doubt she is willing to give up the ONE person she has close to her for a "CHANCE" to talk to someone), then I will do as I promised. I will TALK to her; nothing more, nothing less. I will chat with her every now and then, and share shallow everyday happenings about my life. That's it. |
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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
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Sneezy, Sneezy, Sneezy ::shakes head:: you know my thoughts on this, I'll wait for Tal to come along, he'll kick your butt. Get him Tal! |
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Originally Posted by Altenweg
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He's a sweetie, he knows it, but talking to the ex again, bad idea! He's a big boy, he can make his own decisions, even if they're bad ones. ;) |
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I don't think you should be talking to her anyway. She needs to move on too and by u 2 talking she will never do that.I think its better for her to talk to the new boy toy, she will be busy with him and u won't have to do her this big favor!
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Apparently, the new boy toy is not up to "par"... or she'd be talking to him. |
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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
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