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ineedhelpsobad · Feb 9, 2009, 07:27 AM

Since meeting a new man both my son's have been making my life hell. Constantly abusing me calling me a slut. They keep leaving and coming back. My eldest son stole my boyfriends car when he was twice over the limit without a license or insurance, crashed into 4 cars and a lamp post and ruined my boyfriends car. He has not apologised for this, in fact he is bragging about it, Now my youngest has started blaming me for everything, I really cannot take anymore and am desperate for help!! They are 17 and 15. They both admit to smoking blow and drink and will do whatever they want to, but when it comes to me having a bit of happiness they will not allow this to happen, considering my last relationship ended because my husband was cheating on me for 2yrs!!

Jake2008 · Feb 9, 2009, 07:56 AM

Originally Posted by ineedhelpsobad

Since meeting a new man both my son's have been making my life hell. Constantly abusing me calling me a slut. They keep leaving and coming back. My eldest son stole my boyfriends car when he was twice over the limit without a license or insurance, crashed into 4 cars and a lamp post and ruined my boyfriends car. He has not apologised for this, infact he is bragging about it, Now my youngest has started blaming me for everything, I really cannot take anymore and am desperate for help!!! they are 17 and 15. They both admit to smoking blow and drink and will do whatever they want to, but when it comes to me having a bit of happiness they will not allow this to happen, considering my last relationship ended because my husband was cheating on me for 2yrs!!!!

There are a few holes in your story.

Are you saying the behaviour of your sons just started when you met a new man? They weren't hell on wheels prior to this?

When they leave, and you call the police, what happens.

Did the eldest spend any time in jail for crashing into four cars and totalling your boyfriends car, while driving drunk, without insurance?

What do you mean by "when it comes to me having a bit of happiness they will not ALLOW this to happen".

What is your youngest son blaming you FOR?

What have you tried to address the behaviour of your sons. Is their father in the picture? What has he done?

I don't know what kind of advice you are expecting, but that you are 'desperate for help' requires, from what you've given so far, a lot more information.

ineedhelpsobad · Feb 9, 2009, 08:30 AM

The car incident only happened on the weekend, my youngest son blames me for having a new man, and they were very well be haved until a year ago when we discovered my husband was cheating!!

excon · Feb 9, 2009, 08:40 AM

Hello in:

Try some family counseling.

excon

ineedhelpsobad · Feb 9, 2009, 08:44 AM

I have asked them to come to therapy but the oldest one will not even speak to me and has a profound influence on the younger one. What has really hurt me is the fact the oldest one has got in touch with my ex (who is not his dad) knowing full well he has been cheating on me for 2.5yrs. Yet I get a real good man and they kick off!

Jake2008 · Feb 9, 2009, 08:48 AM

Ok, then you aren't dealing with a long history of problems with these kids, although a year is long enough considering, I'm sure.

They have sure gone to extreme measures to vent their anger, and you seem to get the brunt of it.

Is the dad in the picture at all? If he isn't he really needs to step up and help his sons.

I agree with excon. ALL the adults have to be on the same page dealing with these kids; their behaviour and the problems it is causing, have to be addressed.

I'd say counselling as well. There has to be some assistance in getting this back on track before it gets any worse.

Justwantfair · Feb 9, 2009, 08:49 AM

What disciplines have you implemented?

What authorities or other outside help have you consulted?

Your boyfriend is very tolerant to be putting up with all of this, but don't you think that right now is not the time for you to be dating and you need to be adding structure and counsel to your home and your out of control children?

Is there a way for you to put your relationship on hold as it should be secondary to getting your children the parenting they need to behave?

excon · Feb 9, 2009, 08:51 AM

Hello again, in:

I think your priorities are screwed up. You have children who are in need of a parent. But, you only seem to be interested in YOUR wellbeing.

I can't help you.

excon

frangipanis · Feb 13, 2009, 12:59 AM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

ALL the adults have to be on the same page dealing with these kids; their behaviour and the problems it is causing, have to be addressed.

I'd say counselling as well. There has to be some assistance in getting this back on track before it gets any worse.

The fathers of your boys, you and your partner (if he is willing) are going to have to get together to help reign these boys in before they get any further out of control. You have no choice but to bunker down on this one.

Can either of them stay with their father for a while? It seems to me they're in dire need of being around strong men.